Explosive Dragon
by Kuroyuki no Ryu
Summary: Draco Malfoy was a strange child, even by wizard standards. Actually, no, scratch that, to say he was strange would be putting it lightly, to be frank, Draco was a insane pyromaniac who had already committed multiple acts of arson by the time he was five. Not that anyone would ever say anything about it of course. And knowing Deidara, for him this was downright tame.(Reincarnation)
1. Mad Malfoy

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Mad Malfoy**

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 **In Which Draco Sets Fires and Blowing Stuff Up**

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Draco Malfoy was a strange child, even by wizard standards.

Actually, no, scratch that, to say he was strange would be putting it lightly, to be frank, Draco Lucius Malfoy was a _batshit insane pyromaniac_ who had already committed multiple acts of arson by the time he was five. Not that anyone would ever say anything about it of course.

So yeah, everyone was ether to scared of the Malfoys to say anything or was in denial. The Malfoy heir was a _perfectly sane_ pure blood wizard who was _not at all responsible_ for burning down his mothers favorite sakura tree, the fire that burned down half of the Parkinsons manor, and Draco had had _nothing_ to do with that kitchen fire.

* * *

Severus Snape needed a drink.

He knew that his god son was madder then the mad hatter.

And that Draco had an unhealthy love for fire and explosions.

He had known since that first potions lesson. The shit eating grin plastered on his six year old god sons face when he had made his potion explode was a pretty good indicator actual. The potions master could only look on, and dread the day that Draco received his Hogwarts letter. In only five years he'd have this pyro in his classroom for seven years. It was the last lesson Severus gave Draco till he arrived at Hogwarts. Till then all the man could do was pray that his sanity would be intact by the end of those seven years.

He needed a good old bottle of fire whisky.

* * *

Narcissa Malfoy pretended not to notice.

Narcissa pretended not to see the spark of madness in her sons eyes as he watched the stables burn down.

Her darling Draco was a perfectly normal (if not exceptional) boy and would grow up to follow in his fathers foot steps as head of the Malfoy family. He was most certainly _not_ responsible for any of the fires and explosions that kept happening around the manor. It was just the house elves getting old. Yes, most _certainly_ not Draco's fault.

 _Draco set that fire._

She loved her son, and only wanted to see the best of her child. She ignored the whisper at the back of her mind. Narcissa pretended not notice the matches on her son's bedside table, because if they was anything Narcissa Malfoy nee Black was good at it was acting, pretending.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy was in denial.

His son was not the one who had set fires nor had he caused any explosions. Draco didn't know magic yet so it was impossible for him to have done it. Lucius pointedly ignored the fact that _muggles_ had been setting fires and causing explosions of hundreds of years without the use of magic. His son would never sink so low as to use _muggle methods._

His son would grow up to be just like him, follow in Lucius foot steps and become a respectable head of the house of Malfoy. Draco would bring pride to their family. His son had not set the Parkinsons house on fire after being brought there to meet his future fiancee. It had been purely been connivence that Draco had been standing in front of the burning stables with a box of _muggle_ matches in his hands. No his son was purely fine.

Lucius pretended not hear his son break out in maniacal laugher as he watched the Malfoy Rose Garden burn.

Maybe he could join Severus for that drink?

* * *

For as long as Draco could remember he had loved fire and explosions. He could almost hear a voice whispering in his ear. Telling him about art, how beautiful it was. It was always there at the back of his head whispering to him.

 _Art was fleeting!_

 _Art is an explosion!_

Draco completely agreed with the voice. That single moment was glorious. Nothing compare to the joy he felt as he watched things explode or burst into flames. He knew that his parents disapproved of it. But he just didn't care about what other people thought about what he was doing. It just felt so right. When he made something burst into that glorious explosion he was filled with such glee. Like something was missing and in the brief instant he was whole. Draco loved it.

* * *

 _"Art is an explosion, hn."_

* * *

 **I just had to do it.**

 **It's my first humor story so I hope I did a good job...**

 **Incase it wasn't clear Draco is Deidara's reincarnation.**

 **I might continue this story if I see that people like it.**

 **So review it you liked it.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	2. Hogwarts Letter

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Hogwarts Letter**

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 **In Which Draco Gets A Letter**

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Severus Snape dreading the coming year.

Severus was dreading returning to Hogwarts this year, not only would that Potter brat be there but so would his god son. He really didn't know which one was worse. Harry Potter, the son of the man who used to bully him and stole the love of his life away, or Draco Malfoy his insane pyro of a godson. And Snape would be stuck with both of them for the next _seven_ god damn years. He was getting to old for this, he need anther drink.

The next day Severus made a point of restocking his entire supply of fire whisky plus a bit extra...he'd be needing it in the coming year.

* * *

Draco couldn't wait for his Hogwarts letter to arrive. The day of his eleventh birthday the blonde camped out by the dinning hall's window waiting for the letter to arrive. He had hardly been able to sleep that night. Draco couldn't wait to go to Hogwarts.

Most children wanted to go to Hogwarts to learn magic.

Well, that actually what Draco wanted to Hogwarts for...he just wanted to learn magic in order to commit various acts of arson that he would otherwise not be capable of pulling off. The very thought of being able to cause explosions and light fires with only a flick of his wand made Draco want to dance in glee. Oh, how the pyro dreamed of the day that he could blow up the entire Ministry of Magic at once, make humans blow up with a single spell, and the day he could blow Mt. Everest to smithereens. Just the thought made his hand itch towards the pack of matches he alway kept in his pocket, as he eyed his mothers new sakura tree (He burned down the last one and she had just replaced it two weeks ago).

Luckily for Narcissa's sakura tree, the owl carrying the Malfoy heirs choose that moment to arrive. Snapping out his fantasy of arson Draco didn't even wait for the owl to land. Instead he jumped for the letter (some how he managed to jump a good six feet in the air...), snatching it out of the owls talons.

* * *

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

* * *

Draco had thought 'Hogwarts' was a rather stupid thing to name a school, but, hey he was going there to learn how to make things go boom, so the name wasn't really important.

* * *

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

* * *

"Well duh, who else would be head master, hn? Fudge, hn?"Draco snorted at the very thought. Of Fugdy was the headmaster Draco would have blown the school up...well he might do that any way but what ever.

* * *

 _(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,  
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

* * *

Draco skipped over the list of long boring titles. Most were ether useless old wizard countless or could be brought with money...not really that impressive.

* * *

Dear Mr Malfoy,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

* * *

Narcissa Malfoy could only feel relived at when she saw her sons Hogwarts letter.

Soon her son would be out of the manor and in a place that could teach him how to be a normal wizard, not one who burned down her sakura tree on a semi regular basis with his accidental magic. She didn't know what he had against that tree, but that her little Draco could manage to do it wandlessly made her so proud. Maybe he'd even find a hobby like chess, potions, writing, or even Quidditch, anything other then arson would be nice. Not that her son _had ever_ committed arson before...he had _total not_ and she was _not_ in _denial_.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy loved his son, but he couldn't wait for him to go to Hogwarts and leave Malfoy Manor.

The head of the Malfoy family had given up pretending Draco was normal after he had caught him making and detonating _muggle_ bombs in the gardens (Gardens that now looked like a war zone.) when the boy was eight. He could no longer ignore the spark of madness in Draco's eyes. His son was not normal, he was not mad, he was _fucking_ insane.

When his son was at Hogwarts, Lucius wouldn't have to put out at least two minor fires a day and one major fire a week. Draco was a wonderful (if insane) boy, but Lucius just couldn't deal with his fires _every single day._ Now for the next seven years, save holidays and the summer Lucius would be _free._

* * *

 **Wow...**

 **12 reviews.**

 **11 favorites.**

 **And 13 follows.**

 **For only chapter one...**

 **So as promised chapter 2.**

 **It will likely not be updated as often as my other fics (Explosive Dragons is my third proity) but if it keeps getting reviews I'll countuine it.**

 **Next Up: Diagon Alley**

 **KYR OUT~**


	3. Diagon Alley

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Diagon Alley**

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 **In Which Draco Get Art Books And Makes A Friend**

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 _"Father, I want you to hold my new art books, hn."_

* * *

Magical Flames and How to Set Them, By Nuclaire Sazin

A Pyro's Guild To Magical Fire, By Filis The Mad!

A Black's Guild To Blowing Stuff Up With or Without A Wand, By Arion Black

Fiendfrye For Dummies, By Son Ar

* * *

 **They were most certainly not art books.**

The books his son had just handed him were most certainly not _art books_ (they were books on setting fires and blowing stuff up) and Lucius did not want them anywhere near his son. Draco was enough of a menace already without magic. He was beyond grateful that when his son began to learn magic it'd be at Hogwarts.

 ** _In Scotland._**

 _ **Far far away** **from the manor.**_

Still the head of the Malfoy family felt a shiver go down his spine at the thought of what Draco could do with spells like Fiendfrye. He'd have to despose of the books before Draco had a chance to read them...

* * *

The moment Draco laid eyes on the black haired boy Madam Malkins brought in he knew two things.

One: Draco wanted to set him on fire.

(The blonde would have preferred to turn him into art, but sadly it was hard to blow stuff up without his bombs, and his mother had confiscated his 'toys' that morning)

Two: Draco was very happy to see him.

Why he didn't know, but Draco was happy to see his friend. Yes the black haired boy would be his friend wether he liked it or not.

"For reason I really want to set you on fire, hn...My names Draco Malfoy. Want to be friends, hn?"


	4. Smithereens, Incineration, or Stuffing?

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

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 **Smithereens, Incineration, or Stuffing?**

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 **In Which Draco Says 'Screw The Rules I'm Hunting A Troll.'**

* * *

"That's agasint the rules Draco." Harry boredly muttered as he looked forlornly at his chocolate pie.

The Boy-Who-Lived-To-Have-An-Unheathy-Love-For-Dolls had long since gotten used to his best and only friends special kind of insanity that he wasn't even phased by the words that his friend had just said...that actually wasnt a comforting thought now that Harry thought about it. Should he go see Madam Pomfree to get his own mental heath checked? No sane person could consider 'Let's go blow up troll, yeah.' a normal every day conversation topic the same as talking about the weather. Well it didn't matter, Harry supposed, all wizards were a bit crazy some were just more _off their mother fucking rocker then Hidan on drugs_ (Harry didn't know where the name Hidan came from but for some reason it felt fitting.), what was important on the other hand was that he'd have to leave it behind and follow the prefects to the tower...

Draco snorted, "Screw the rules, I'm hunting a troll, yeah. In your honest opion what do you think would cooler, blowing it to smithereens or incineratration, yeah?"

"Incineration, but personally I think it would better to keep it intact and mostly undamaged. That why you could stuff it and keep it as a trophy."

"Harry, Harry, Harry I'll make a artist out of you yet, yeah."

"No thanks your art is shit." Harry wasnt exactly thrilled by the mad gleam in Draco eyes nor was he a fan of Draco 'band' of art. Art was supposed to be ethereal after all.

"Screw you, yeah."

"Whatever Draco, are we hunting this troll or not?"

"I knew you'd come around, yeah."

Harry simply rolled his eyes.

* * *

 **I won't be able to help but abandon this story if I stay in cronaloglal order instead of jumping around. So yeah I might do any scene I feel like.**

 **But guy if you want me to keep this story up please give me suggestion of the antics that Draco(and Harry) can get up to. Any point in time is fair game.**

 **Thanks~**

 **KYR OUT~**


	5. Family Relations

**I own nothing.**

 **Rewritten: 7/27/16**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Family Relations**

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 **In Which Harry Bullies The Dursley & The Dursley Obay**

* * *

"Dudley, what did I tell you about playing with fire?" Harry asked his cousin, the eight year old's sickly sweet voice a sharp contrast to the absolute murder in the raven's eyes.

"N-not to d-do it in or n-near the garage because t-that's where your garden i-is Harry, and i-if I'm going to burn s-something down it b-better belong to someone e-else." the older boy stuttered, squirming under his cousin's furious gaze.

Harry scowled at the nine year old. "So why is it that I found a scorch mark on the garage door?"

"B-but it wasn't m-my fault Harry," Dudley protested weakly. "Pierce s-stole some cigars from h-his mum and the g-gang wanted to try them. I-I told them you'd be anger b-but they didn't lissien to me."

"So?" the raven tilted his head to the side. "I told you no fire by the garage. You should have made your friends listen."

"I-I'm sorry Harry!" Dudley sobbed as he threw himself at his cousins feet begging for forgiveness.

"Sorry doesn't cut it." the nine year old growled his fingers twitching as invisible threads grabbed hold of his cousin like a puppet. He was going to make his cousin humiliate himself again. Perhaps he'd make Dudley dress up like a ballerina and dance down the street all the way to school?

* * *

"Uncle Vernon, I want you to pick up some more mice for me on your way home." Harry told his uncle as he took his seat at the breakfast table. "Preferably a dozen or so of them."

Vernon scowled at his nephew. "Why the bloody hell should I do that? What happened to the ones you already have? It hasn't even been a week since I bought you those bloody things."

"It doesn't really matter what happened to them," the nine year old pointed out eyes darkening. "But if you're really that curious I was testing out a new sedative and their hearts stopped. So I need you to replace them. You're going to do it right? I mean I'd hate to see what would happen if you went crazy at work."

"I'll do it," Vernon grunted giving in at the threat. "But I better not have to replace them till next week!"

* * *

"Aunt Petunia I want to build a green house in the backyard. If I can supply the funds how long would it take for you to get it built?" the young wizard asked his aunt.

"I don't know," Petunia answered honestly looking up from her book. "But I can look into it."

Harry nodded and left. "See that you do."

"What boy likes gardening so much? First dolls now flowers. He just isn't normal. Freak." the housewife grumbled under her breath as she got up from her chair. That boy was always shoving things like this onto her. Why did he want a greenhouse anyway? He already had the garage.

* * *

 **This is certainly shorter then the 1.5k word average of later chapters (15 and up), but the quality is the same.**

 **Please review~**

 **KYnR OUT~**


	6. Troll Slayers

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Troll Slayers**

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 **In Which Draco & Harry Spook A Troll**

* * *

The Troll was scared.

Trolls were not supposed to be scared of little magic-stick-users, but it was very very scared of them. The two little pups in front of it were more terrifying then a soul-stealer-cloak-one.

The Troll could see a gleam of not-right-madness in the blonde kid eyes. All animals knew to stay away from mad ones. The Troll wanted to flee from the dangerous mad one, but could not. The other dangerous little magic-stick-user kid was behind it. The Troll could see the not-right-wrongness in its eyes, different from the other but just as terrifying. It was cornered. It was doomed. It was going to die.

"Katsu."

And die it did.

* * *

"Still think my art is shitty, yeah?"

"Yes, and I wanted to stuff that you idiot."

"Who cares you have no sense of art, yeah."

"Art is not an explosion or fire, it's eternal."

"No, arts is an explosion, yeah."

"It's not."

"Is, yeah."

"Not."

"Is, yeah."

"Whatever Draco, I'm going back to the tower, I'm tried and I want my chocolate pie."

"You just know I'll right, yeah."

"Ignoring you."

* * *

Severus Snape knew who was responsible for the charred Troll corpse before him. Only one person in the school would have had the sick and twisted mind to blow the troll apart limb from limb: Draco Malfoy. A shiver ran down the mans spine at the very thought of Draco having learned such spells...he really needed another bottle of firewhiskely.

He couldn't deal with Dumbledore questioning look until he had some alcohol. Briefly Serverus considered wether or not his growing dependence on fire whiskey was healthy, but quickly dismissed the thought. He could stop any time he wanted.

What? He _so_ could.

* * *

 **Next Up: Harry makes some creep dolls of his parents...**


	7. Disturbing Dolls

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Disturbing Dolls**

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 **In Which Harry Throughly Traumatizes A First Year & Colin Wish He Could Defile Another Grave**

* * *

"Hey, Harry, I'm going to see how much of the Forbidden Forest I can burn down before being caught by the teachers, wanna come, yeah?" Draco was, like usual, grinning like a manic as he popped into his best friend and fellow man man...er totally sane fell student who just happened also have an unusual but totally not illegal or creep hobby.

Harry didn't even bother looking up from his latest project, nor was he remotted bothered by fact his best friend was about to go commit arson. The blonde had blown up Dumbledores office...twice. He had set the green houses on fire every April 27 for the past five years. Even the Weasley Twin hadn't managed to completely blow up a bathroom yet. Draco had tried to burn down the Wamping Willow no less then fourteen times since second year, before finally succeeding at the end of fourth year. Something about it being a replacement for his mothers sakura tree. Despite that, and all the other various acts of criminal acts of arson he had(been proven to have) committed in his time attending Hogwarts, Draco had yet to be expelled or sent to prison.

"Sorry Draco, I'm waiting on Colin."

"You mean that the creepy boy who stalked you in second year, yeah?"

"I made him my minion."

"Good for you, I'm going to blow shit up, yeah, see ya."

The Boy-Who-Lived-To-Hve-To-Many-Hyphins-In-His-Name ignored his friend as he headed off to commit yet another crime. Instead Harry turned his attention to his latest project. Harry had always prided himself on his artistic talent, but even he had been amazed at how well his the project had turned out. The two puppets before him...

He had pored his blood sweat and tear into the project. Harry had even kami damned gone and dug up his parents bodies to make the puppets before him all the more real. Something told him that it wouldn't be the same to make the puppets purely out of wood. It didn't matter he had robbed and defiled his parents grave because he had finished them. The green haired boy was near tears as he gazed down at his finished creations, they were perfect.

The Mother and Father Puppets.

His family was almost complete. Now he just had to find the body of one of his grandmothers and he could make the final puppet: The Grandmother Puppet.

He had Colin looking into that right now...the boy really was a perfect minion. He was a brilliant researcher, and he had no reservations about digging up dead bodes for him. Harry honestly didn't mind teaching the boy a bit about art. At this rate he'd be promoting the boy to henchmen by the end of the year.

* * *

If one was to ask Colin what his relationship with Harry was, he would have proudly told you that he was his art student, and number one minion. Well admittedly Colin was also Harry's only minion, but the red head was confident that even after the artist gained more minions he'd remain in the number one spot. After all he doubted anyone else would be willing to research the location of the artists grandmothers graves, and be willing to go dig up the bodies of said grandmother if they hadn't been cremated. You couldn't make a puppet out of ashs.

That really did suck. Colin had been hoping Harry would let him help with that puppet.

Well at least he had been able to dig up the body of James Potter while Harry-sensei dug up his mother. So he had contributed a little in the making of the Father puppet. Maybe Harry would let him help in a future project?

* * *

Richard Jackson spent the rest of his life in Saint Mungo.

His case completely baffled the healers, since after all they were used to dealing with magical alinement and injures. It was not as if they were used to dealing with paisents who had suffered severe mental trauma after witnessing two fellow students drag the two decomposing bodes down the school hallways. The young pure blood would have been better off in a muggle mental hospital. Not that his parents would ever send him there of course, so he was doomed to spend his remaining eighty-four years at that hospital. Rick spent his time there muttering about zombies, demon children, and having nightmares about green eyes.


	8. Monster's Painting

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Monster's Painting**

* * *

 **In Which The Sorting Hat Sort's A Monster-er Draco Malfoy**

* * *

"Malfoy, Draco." Professor McGonagall's voice echoed throughout the hall as she read yet another name off her list.

The blonde _skipped_ up to the stoll and practically grabbed the Sorting Hat from the professor.

* * *

 _The Sorting Hat found itself, as usual thrussed into the mind of its wear, but the mind itself was anything but regular. The mind of Draco Malfoy was NOT normal._

 _If one was to ask the Sorting Hat what the minds of those it sorted were like, it would tell you that they were like paintings._ _The usual eleven year old childs mind is...comparable to a canvas that had only been sketched. They had yet to be painted, that would happen later as they grew into adults, but that sketch was enough to grasp enough about their character to sort them._

 _Draco Malfoy mind was disturbing to say the least._

 _A completed painting floated before the hat, depicting a scene of death and destruction as fire and explosions rained from the heavens. The image before the hat was made even more gruesome by the teen standing on a clay owl above it all, looking down at the carnage beneath him with an insane grin of joy as he watched the world burn._

 _The Hat wanted out._

 _Slytherin: NO!_

 _The entire lot would be nothing but ashes by Winter Holidays if not sooner._

 _Gryffindors: Maybe?_

 _Gryffindors had a habit of ending up in very dangerous life threatening situation...maybe this_ **monster** _would too? He'd keep the idea in mind. It just might save the Wizarding World._

 _Ravenclaw: NO! NO! FUCK NO!_

 _It would be even worse then Slytherin! For Merlins sake it would give it access to even more ways to raze the school and the world to the ground!_

 _Hufflepuff:...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_

 _The Hat mentally laughed. Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff._

* * *

"Gryffindor!" The Hat practically _jumped_ off the **MONSTER'S** head and scurried behind Proffessor McGonagall's robe.

* * *

 **I know that the whole painting thing isn't cannon but I figured it be a cool way to have the hat sort people.**

 **I was planning on doing Harrys sorting as well, but well I'll just save that for another day.**

 **I've got a question would you guys prefer a chapter where Itachi is reincarnated as Luna or one where I have Pain be reincarnated as Ron. They will both be AU to Explosive Dragon but I think you'd have fun reading them any way. I'll get around to both eventually but which would you prefer to read sooner rather then later?**

 **Also give me ideas for the chaos the two psychos can cause at Hogwarts. I really apresate it.**

 **Please review.**

 **This isn't my main story so I am mainly motivated by the number of reviews I get. More reviews = more chapters.**

 **I'll still do one a month, but I'll update faster with reviews.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	9. Baslisk Baiting

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Baslisk Baiting**

* * *

 **In Which Lockhart Become Canon Flounder**

* * *

"Should we be at all concerned that two second years were able to locate the Chamber while countless trained professionals have failed to do so for decades?" Harry tilted his head to the side as he looked at the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. It honesty hadn't been all that hard to locate it after Draco and he had actually bother to try and look for it. Which was a little worrying considering that they were only second years.

Draco just shrugged,"Nah, we're just awesome, yeah."

"True." Harry nodded in agreement, they were pretty awesome. Plus it wasnt like many people would think to look in a girls bathroom considering that Slytherin was male...Harry shock his head, he really didn't like where that train of thought was headed,"Let's go get Lockhart."

"Why, yeah? We both know he's useless, yeah."

"We need bait."

"Ah, Cannon flounder, yeah."

Draco grinned. This was going to be good.

* * *

"Sooo, boy who wants to go first?"

"You." Harry smiled at the man, but for some reason, Lockhart had a feeling the Boy-Who-Lived was plotting his demise...

"But we don't know how far the fall is!"

"Exactly, yeah!" Draco clapped as he grinned, "Your the cannon flounder, yeah." And promptly kicked his professor into the Chamber of Secrets.

"I DIDN'T AGREE TO THISSSSS!" Lockhart screamed as he plummeted down the pipe.

"You still alive Proffessor, yeah?"

"You think he's still alive Harry, yeah?"

"I don't know, but his body should cushion your fall." The Boy-Who-Lived just shrugged. It wouldn't surprise him if the Professor was dead. The man was useless, but at the same time it wouldn't be surprise for the man to be alive. Lockhart was like a couchroauch.

"Why just my fall, yeah?"

"I brought my broom."

"...I really hate you, yeah."

* * *

"Katsu!"

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

"This is _fun,_ yeah!"

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

"Try not to bring the roof down Draco. And try to keep the eyes, skeleton and at least part of the body intact. I'll buy you a book on fiendfyre." Harry frowned as he watched his best and only friend decimate the Chamber. He wouldn't be able to make a puppet out of the snake if it was _completely_ destroyed...partially destroyed was the best he could hope for with Draco. His father _had_ burned all of the 'art' books the blonde had bought before Hogwarts.

The blonde pyro momentary stop bombarding the Basilisk with clay bombs, and thought over his friend offer..."Deal, yeah, now: BURN MOTHERFUCKER BURN!"

The Basilisk never stood a chance.

* * *

"Is he dead, yeah?"

"Clearly."

"Hey, Harry, yeah?"

"What?"

"Technically the Baslisk killed him so doesn't that mean that that for once I'll be able to honestly tell people I am not responsible for a mysterious death in my vicinity, yeah?"

"Nope, I call manslaughter. Good try though, want to help me move the snake?"

"Sure, yeah."

* * *

 **Wow, that was a lot of reviews on the last chapter.**

 **And an overwhelming amount of you were for the Itachi!Luna chapter. I'll get right on that, it'll be the next chapter.**

 **Now as usual, more reviews = more motivation = faster update. (I'd still update once a month, but with reviews I'll do it way more often.)**

 **So please review.**

 **So anyway what did you guys think of this chapter?**

 **Do you have any suggestions for the antics that our criminal dynamic duo will get up to next?**

 **If I were to pair with Deidara!Draco with anyone which charater do you think would fit him best?**

 **Same question goes for Sasori!Harry.**

 **But please try to think about who they could realistically end up with.**

 **The romance won't be very important to the plot but I think I could write some very amusing chapters with their love lives.**

 **KYR OUT ~**


	10. Yūrei-san's Voice

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **AU**

* * *

 **Yūrei-san's Voice**

* * *

 **In Which Luna Actually Hears Voices and Itachi Actually Swears**

* * *

Itachi was honestly confused.

He had died.

He had _fucking_ _died_.

He had drowned on his own blood.

He was supposed to go to hell for all his sins. Or if by some miracle he wasn't damned then he should at least get some peace.

Instead of that he got reincarnated, and Itachi wouldn't have minded that. But someone had gone and _fucked_ that up. He remembered every Kami _damned_ thing. He was still Itachi Uchiha. He didn't even have his own body. He was stuck in the mind of the girl who he assumed was his reincarnation as a damn mental voice.

But some how Itachi couldn't resent her for it. Instead he'd do his best to guild her and help her live the happy peaceful life he had always dreamed off. She'd never have to stain her hands red with blood.

* * *

"It appears that my right sock is missing...that weird." Luna smiled dreamily as she held up her left sock. Usually Trolls -The Viking Sock Trolls, not the British Mountain Trolls- only stole left socks. She should owl Father and tell him about this.

 _Your socks hanging for the chandelier in the common room._

"Thank you Yūrei-san." Luna, not at all bothered by the male voice that only she could hear telling her where to locate her missing sock. She had been able to hear Yūrei-san for as long as she could remember. He looked out for her, and helped her out when she needed it.

* * *

"Art is eternal!"

"Art is an explosion!"

 _What the fuck?_

"You shouldn't swear Yūrei-san." Luna scolded the voice in her head as she ate breakfast, not noticing the looks her housemate where sending her. Well she wouldn't have blamed them for mistaking her for being crazy if she had noticed. She was talking to a voice that only she could hear, but unlike the insane, Yūrei-San was real.

 _My apologies Luna, but I recognize two of our fellow students._

"Really? Who?"

 _Those two. The blonde and the black haired boy arguing about art at the Gryfindor Table._

"You mean the one who's appears to be trying to make a Muggle bomb and one who holding a marrette?"

 _Yes._

"That's Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. Draco apparently a _'bat shit insane sociopathic pyromaniac who responsible for Snape addiction to firewhiskely'_ and Harry is _'a creepy sociopath with a fondness for puppets and poison with an irrational fear of grandmothers and color pink.'_ Harry was also voted most likely Hogwarts Student to become the next dark lord last year. It's actually rather impressive to get voted that in your first year."

 _They sound like far from well adjusted well adjusted._

"I know, everyone's told me that they're crazier then I am."

 _Your not crazy Luna._

"I know that. They do not."

* * *

 **I hope you find this chapter amusing. It's AU to Explosive Dragon cannon.**

 **Itachi and Luna have like Harry and Draco different reincarnation situation. Draco has been the most influenced by his past life, while Harry while he is effected isn't to the degree of Draco. If Draco wasn't there to encourage lack of morals and general insanity then Harry would have leaned a little more towards cannon Harry. Luna is a near seperat me entity form Itachi. You could think of it as all of Itachi influence being forced into another personality/voice that exists in her mind. It truly believes itself to be Itachi and does its best to help her out.**

 **Itachi did swear, but honesty he was thinking it-he would never have had said it out load but Luna hears his thoughts so...**

 **And I think Luna will be paired with Deidara. Still looking for someone to go with Harry.**

 **What did you guys think of this chapter?**

 **Any ideas for what our two little psychos get up to next?**

 **Any ideas on a funny way for Harry to use his poison or puppet strings?**

 **Yūrei-san translates to Mr. Ghost**

 **So what would you guys think for a Pain!Ron and a Konan!Hermione?**

 **KYR OUT~**


	11. Dementors Are Flammable?

**I own nothing.**

 **Edited: 8/15/16**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Are Dementors Flammable?**

* * *

 **In Which Draco Belives That Dementor's Are Taunting Him & A Dementor Dies**

* * *

Draco frowned as he looked out one of Gryffindor Tower's many windows. He could just barely make out the dementors patrolling the grounds. It was like they were taunting him. The pyro sighed dejectedly leaning against the glass.

"How long on are you going to keep staring at those things, brat." Harry asked as he worked on his charms homework. "They're not going anyway."

The blonde pyro sighed once more as he turned away from the window. "They're taunting me, yeah."

"They're dementors, Draco. They don't have a sense of humor and even if they did why would they waste their time taunting you? They'd rather kiss you." Harry pointed out rolling his eyes.

"I want to see if they die if they catch fire, yeah." Draco pouted. "But I know that their dangerous and immune to most spells so if they don't die then I'd be done for, yeah. They must know that I haven't come up with a plan B yet so they keep taunting me, yeah."

"I'm surprised that you were about to think that far ahead." the raven smirked his voice taunting. "I didn't know you had the brains."

"Shut up you shitty artist, yeah!" Draco snapped at his friend. "I can think ahead when I need to, yeah! I'm not an idiot, yeah!"

* * *

Draco nudged the the black cloaked being with his foot. To be honest the Malfoy was rather torn on wether or not to proclaim the skeleton awesome for being a freaking moving skeleton or lame for how easily it had gotten trapped in Harry's magical puppet strings. It really didn't matter he wanted to see it burn regardless.

"Capturing a dementors was really easyier than it should have been." Harry muttered as he kept their captive pinned to the ground with his magic threads, internally wondering how Draco had talked him into participating in this maddness. Oh right, he promised to help him capture the next one to make a puppet out of. It would be wonderful if they retained their terrifying presence even after death.

"Whatever, yeah." Draco shrugged as he pulled out a box of muggle matches. Dementors may be resistant to nearly all types of magic, but plain old normal fire wasn't magical and he really wanted to see it burn. "I bet you a gallion that it burns, yeah."

"Sure." the raven nodded accepting the wager. "If burning dementors was a viable option I'm sure that wizards would be using something other than the Patronus Charm."

"Light 'em up, yeah." the blonde pyro smirked lighting a match and dropping it on the the creature's cloak. The dementor screamed, sounding like an odd mix between a human's scream of agony and a very large very load vacuum.

"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter!" an alarmed voice shrieked behind the boys. "What are you doing! Get away from that thing!"

Draco ignored their professor in favor of watching the dementor be devoured in flames. Harry just sighed, he doubted he'd be able to talk his way out of this.

* * *

 **Chapter suggestions are loved!**

 **Please review~**

 **KYnR OUT~**


	12. Grudge Holding

**I own nothing**.

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Grudge Holding**

* * *

 **In Which Harry Holds A Grudge & Steals Lucius Malfoy's Property**

* * *

Draco eye twitched as he looked at the puppet on his best/only friends work table. A puppet that looked strangle like his family's house elf Doby. "Harry did you make that puppet out of my elf, yeah?"

"No, technically it would be your fathers." Harry really didn't care who the elf had belonged to. He had finally been able to make a puppet out of a living thing.

"Same thing really, yeah." Draco shrugged and countuie to yell at the other boy."Come on Harry that's my elf, yeah! You can't go making puppets out of other people's property, yeah!"

Harry blinked. "Are you admitting to owning a slave?"

"Nope, yeah." Draco smirked. "It's my fathers property, yeah."

"...Is it ok to kill and ruined the bodies other people's professors? Ones they told you they called dibs on the body?"

"Your sill sore about Proffessor Turbin, yeah?" How long could he stay mad about that? Seriously it isn't like there weren't more teachers at the school.

"How often do you find two headed wizards?"

"More often then you'd think, yeah."

"..." Harry disbelief was clear on his face as he stared blankly at the blonde pyro.

"Wizards are dumber a psychotic scythe wielding ninja manic, yet slightly smarter the orange lolly pop mask wearers, yeah." Draco pause, that was actaully a really good analogy. He didn't get how he had come up with it, but he felt like he had just insulted enough people that he really didn't like so he didn't really care about it.

"Touché." Wizards really were stupid.

The Doby puppet was found in ashs a few days later, and lead to the epic battle between Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. That is a story for another time...as is the following lawsuit Draco filed against Hogwarts.

Wizards are idiots.

* * *

 **Sasarry can really hold grudges.**

 **And yes there will be a chapter on the lawsuit another time.**

 **Please review.**

 **Really it's my only motivation to update this story.**

 **Also if you have any good and funny ideas of what you want to see our little psychos do next let me know.**

 **I've been trying to think of a funny way for Luna to meat Deico. Any ideas?**

 **Sneak peak to next chapter because I just feel like doing that:**

* * *

"Apparently my Godfather's Siruis Black."

"Seriously, yeah!?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"This awesome, yeah! Your so lucky, yeah! You have The Sirius Black as your Godfather, yeah! He blew up an entire street with a single spell, yeah! He's one of my idols, yeah!"

"He's a mass murder."

"So will we, yeah!"

"Touché...again."

* * *

 **KYR OUT~**


	13. Seriously Concerned

**I own nothing**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Seriously Concerned**

* * *

 **In Which Harry Mets His Godfather & Draco is Sorely Disappointed**

* * *

"I'm bored, yeah." Draco groaned as he stared up at the ceiling of the room that Harry had claimed as his workshop back in first year. He was so _bored_.

"Your always bored unless your causing mayhem."

"Well thats fun, yeah." Even if Harry's back was turned to the blonde pyro as he worked on his latest puppet, he was reasonably sure that Draco had rolled his eyes at him.

Harry smirked. "And thats why people call you a ' _bat-shit insane homicidal pyromanic._ '"

"No, they call me a ' _bat-shit insane pyromanic,'_ yeah. They don't know about the homicide...yet, yeah."

"You have some serious issues Draco."

Draco raised his eye brow, he was well aware that he was nuttier then a squirrel but he wasn't the only crazy one."And you don't, yeah?" In Hogwarts it was common knowledge that The-Boy-Who-Lived was a sociopath with a fascination with poisons. That was frankly just scratching the surface of the saviors issues.

"Touche."

"...I'm still bored, yeah." Draco yawned."Hogwarts is a school for magic for Noble's sake, why is it so damn boring, yeah?"

"Noble?" That was a new one. Harry had heard Draco swear to Pain, Jashin, The Sage, Kami, Shinigami, The Explosion God, Clay, Gaia, and even Fiendfyre, but not Noble.

"The guy who invented dynamite duh, yeah." How Harry didn't know who Noble was, Draco didn't know. The guy was awesome...well until he dedicated his life to peace to make up for the death his invention(dynamite) had caused, but who cared. The guy had invented _dynamite_.

"Why are you swearing by the guy who invented dynamite?"

"I refuse to worship an idiotic old wizard, yeah."

"How do you know that Merlin was an 'idiotic old wizard'?"

"Are you really asking me that, yeah? Wizards are morons, yeah."

Why had Harry even bothered asking? Wizards were morons. It was practically a fact."While I have to agree with you, you do realize your insulting us right?"

Draco huffed, how _dare_ Harry call him a _wizard._ "I'm not a _wizard_ , yeah, I'm an _arsonist_ which is _way_ cooler and your a _future mob_ boss, yeah. Anything interesting thing happen recently, yeah?" He was bored again.

"I found out I have a god father." Well it was more like he had had nothing better to do and decided to ease drop on a private conversation to pass the time...wow unless it was the end of the year Hogwarts really was boring.

"Can't be better then mine, yeah." The pyro smirked. Snape may have been a stick in the mud, but he was fun to drive crazy. Plus the guy gave him really good birthday presents.

"Apparently my Godfather's Siruis Black."

"Seriously, yeah!?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"This awesome, yeah! Your so lucky, yeah! You have _The Sirius Black_ as your Godfather, yeah! He blew up an entire street with a single spell, yeah! He's one of my idols, yeah!" Draco took it back. Sirius Black was a way cooler Godfather then Snape. Seriously the guy blew up an entire street with a single spell. That was something Draco was someday totally going to day.

"He's a _mass murder_."

"So will we, and technically we're already murders, yeah!"

"Touché...again."

* * *

"Your Sirius Black, yeah!" Stars appeared in Draco's eyes as he saw one of his idol.

Siruis totally misinterpreting the pyro's reaction for one of fear, immediately began proclaiming his innocence."I'm innocent! It was Peter! You've got to believe me!"

Not hearing what the man had said the blonde grabbed the escaped convicts hand and began shaking it wildly."Can I have your autograph, yeah!"

"You didn't murder thirteen people with one spell?" Harry tilted his head as he stared at his Godfather. He really didn't care ether way wether or not he really was a criminal, but he would have liked to learned what that spell had been purely to bribe Hogwarts resident pyromanic.

"I was framed."

Draco promptly stopped shaking his _former_ idol's hand and turned around."Lame, yeah. I'm going to bed, yeah."

Dumbfounded by the blonde's reaction to his claim of innocence."What?"

"Draco had greatly admired your ability to kill thirteen people with one spell in an explosion."

"What?"

"He's a little...off you might say."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously Sirius. Draco's an insane pyro with homicidal tendencies and a talent for, I quote 'Blowing shit up.'" Harry smirked as he quoted his best friend.

"Your friends with him?"

"Best friends." The evil grin on his godsons face wasn't really helping reassure Siruis...in fact it was making him rather concerned. Like _really_ concerning.

* * *

 **I got some positive reactions for the Sneak Peak and since I don't have any of the next chapter written yet, I decided I'd do a deleted scene instead. It's just dialogue but it's still funny to read about our favorite pair of psycho's discuss murder. I hope you enjoy it, and hey if you guys really like it I could finish it and post it along with the next** **chapter. I'm doing Harry's Sorting next thanks to someone requesting it, then next up is Hidan!Ron.**

* * *

 **Deleted Scene**

* * *

 _"I think Snape's trying to poison Lupin, yeah."_

 _"Why do we care?"_

 _"Because we're the only ones who can directly or indirectly cause the death of our teachers, yeah!"_

 _"...Good point."_

 _"Why do you think Snape's trying to poison Lupin?"_

 _"I was in detention-"_

 _"Of course you were. What did you do this time?"_

 _"Don't interrupt me, yeah!"_

 _"Anyway it wasn't my fault, yeah. Setting a bogart on fire is a perfectly reasonable reaction, yeah..."_

 _"Sure it is."_

 _"Shut up and let me talk puppet basterd, yeah!"_

 _"..."_

 _"So I was in detention when Snape came in with a big steaming goblet and gave it to Lupin, yeah. He must be trying to off him, yeah!"_

 _"It's Wolfbane."_

* * *

 **Well as usual, please review.**

 **More reviews I get the more motivated I am to write and thus the more often you'll get a chapter.**

 **So please review.**

 **And I really do love getting suggestions for what Harry and Draco should do next.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	14. Sorting A Scorpion

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Sorting A Scorpion**

* * *

 **In Which The Hat Fears For The Future of the Wizarding World...More Then It Already Was**

* * *

After finally convincing the Sorting Hat to come out from under the table, while delayed the Sorting Ceremony proceeded as usual. It was all going well for The Hat, who had managed to convince itself that he would never have to deal with Draco Malfoy ever again, until Professor Mcgonagal call yet another name: "Harry Potter."

* * *

 _The Sorting Hat took one glance at the painting in the mind of one Harry James Potter, and prompted lay threw up...or he would have had he be capable of such a thing. So instead he let lose a storm of curses and words so foul and vulgar that they were unfit for the ears of anyone under the age of seven-hundred eighty two._

 _The painting was enough to give even the bravest of Griffiondoor nightmares. A red haired man stood alone on the scarlet stained desert sand looking off at the horizon. The entire image had a hauntingly eternal vibe that was made only creepier by the army of hundreds of puppets that blocked out the sun. The more horrifying of all of this was the expression on the red haired mans face. It was blank, uncaring of the horrifying scene before him._

 _If Harry Potter was their savior, the Wizarding World was doomed. Doomed._

 _Hufflepuff: Hufflepuff? The bot didn't have a single loyal bone in his body._

 _Ravenclaw: Like the hat would let the boy anywhere near the house of knowledge._

 _Griffendor: They already had one future mass murderer they didn't need another one._

 _Slytherin: No. No. No. The Hat was not putting him in that house, he would excel and The Hat didn't want that._

 _...Fuck it, Griffiondoor could take another crazy. Maybe Harry Potter would even end up dying early? A hat could dream...and hope._

* * *

"Griffindor!"

* * *

 **I know really short chapter but I've gotten a lot of writing down for the next two chapters, and I'm posting one of them today once I've edited it. Honestly I'm considering splitting the Hidan!Ron chapter in half considering its length.**

 **This chapter is proboby one of my worst but I just couldn't find a way to make it funny. I just wasn't coming to me and I'm sorry. On the bright side the next two will be absolutely hilarious.**

 **Please review its my motivation!**

 **Also ideas for the story are loved and welcomed!**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 **~Sneak Peak~**

* * *

"Die Spider! Die dammit! Why won't you fucking die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"

...The Twins never transfigured another one of their younger brothers toys. Seeing him stab his former teddy over and over again with a spoon was enough of a deterrent.

Who knew a spoon could be used like that?

* * *

By the end of third year Hermione Granger was the only person that Ron Weasley listened to...other then the voice he claimed to to be a god named after a muggle horror movie villain that told him to gruesomely murder people. The young witch was exactly happy about it as the red head was quiet frankly completely infatuated with her.

It didn't help that he was also completely convince she was actually a dark witch planing the genocide of an entire race.


	15. Worshiping A Muggle Horror Movie Villain

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Worshiping A Muggle Horror Movie Villain**

* * *

 **In Which Ron Is An Insane Psychopath & Becomes A Dedicated Member of SPEW**

* * *

"Why won't you work?" Ron scowled down at the rat like doll on the ground in front of him. Needles had been impaled into the doll where each of its vial organs would have been.

 _You don't have any of your targets blood._

The six year old paused and tilted his head to the side as he listened with utmost attention to the voice only he could hear. "Oh. I knew I was forgetting something. Thank you for sharing your infinite wisdom with me, Jashin-sama! I will get the blood at once and sacrifice that rat to you immediately!"

* * *

"Die Spider! Die dammit! Why won't you fucking die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"

...The Twins never transfigured another one of their younger brothers toys. Seeing him stab his former teddy over and over again with a spoon was enough of a deterrent.

Who knew a spoon could be used like that?

* * *

"Would you like join SPEW? We're trying to free house elves from their enslavement."

"Fuck yeah! Sign me the fuck up! I bloody wanna commit mass murder too!"

"Huh?" Poor Hermione had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

And that is how Ron became one of SPEWs most active members.

* * *

By the end of his third year Hermione Granger was the only person that Ron Weasley listened to...other then the voice he claimed to to be a god named after a muggle horror movie villain that told him to gruesomely murder people. The young witch was exactly happy about it as the red head was quiet frankly completely infatuated with her.

It didn't help that he was also completely convince she was actually a dark witch planing the genocide of an entire race. Something that Ron had voice his total support of and had volunteered multiple times to help her in her quest of house elf extermination.

* * *

"Hey Hermione-chan!"

Hermione winced as she heard the voice of one of Griffindors many future mass murderers call her name. "What is it Ron?"

"I made SPEW recruitment posters. Like them? I think their bloodly fucking awesome." Ron grinned like the madman he was as he held up two posters. One depicted house elves screaming in the middle of a pentagram draw in blood and the other had the elves being beheaded by unknown SPEW members. Both had the slogans 'Join SPEW, Jashin-sama fucking Commands It!'

"Incindio." Hermione incinerated the posters in an instant. SPEW was not trying to massacre elves like Ron seemed to think. It about freeing them from their inslavement!

"Hey! I spent all fucking night drawing those!" He had worked really hard making the blood look real...why would Hermione-chan.

"They're not representing what SPEWs about!"

"Oh. I get it now." It all made sense now.

"You do?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah! Your trying to pretend that this is a peace non-violent goody goody organization and shit. Then no one will fucking suspect our real plan!"

"..." He didn't get it at all did he?

"I prefer a more bloody direct approach but this fucking works to."

* * *

"Hey! Hermione-chan!"

"What is it Ron?" Hermione sighed. What could the boy want now?

"Look what I got you!" Ron grinned as he held out a dead and very bloody rabbit. "What you think? I couldn't get you a human since my mum told me I'm not allowed to murder anyone till I graduate, but I got you this rabbit instead. Will you go to the ball with me?"

He actually thought a dead rabbit was a appropriate gift? "...No."

"Come on Hermione-chan, why not?"

"Your an insane psychopathic madman who worships a movie character and belongs in a mental hospital."

"I guess this isn't a good enough gift." Ron sighed and walked away, he would get Hermione something so awesome she would have to say yes. "Jashin-sama what should I give Hermione-chan as a token of my love?"

 _You should get this girl a dead spider form the Forbidden Forest._

"Oh thank you Jashin-Samoa for sharing your wisdom! I will find one at once!" Ron's eyes sparkled as he headed to the forest. "Hermione-chan will go with me to the ball for sure!"

* * *

 **Did you guys like the chapter?**

 **I had fun writing Rodin.**

 **It took me a little while to decided how his reincarnation would work, but in the end I decided that Ron would have many of Hidans trait but RON would be the dominate one. The thing is that he can hear Jashin-sama, who is a horrible influence on a kid who already has issues.**

 **Anyway what did you think about Ron and Hermione's relationship? I original was going to have her take up the role of his conciseness in First Year, but I decided this was more funny.**

 **Please review, they're my motivation!**

 **It seems not everyone got the** **muggle horror movie joke is about Jashin name. Ja-sh-in or Ja-so-n, get it? Jason? Murder with the hockey mask?**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **I decided to do both a deleted scene and a sneak peak, because why not?**

* * *

 **~Deleted Scene~**

* * *

"Does anyone know how to defeat a Dementor?"

"Can we bloody stab them?"

"No, Mr. Weas-"

"Then can we fucking behead them?"

"No swearing in class Mr. Weasley! And no you can't behead a Dementor!"

"Damn that would have been fun. What about fucking sacrificing it to Jashin-sama?"

"For the last time Mr. Weasley no. The only way to defeat a Dementor is with the Petronis Charm."

"Then teach, how the fuck did Draco and Harry manage to fucking incinerate one? I wanna kill a fucking Dementor too!"

* * *

 **~Sneak Peak~**

* * *

"Do not make up stories."

"Who will people believe, yeah?"

"You, or me who happens to have Harry-Freaking-Potter vouching for him, yeah. Plus the dragon cages the dungeon are evidence of your wrong doing, yeah. See ya in court, yeah."

"You'll also be paying for my therapy, yeah. I was very traumatized, yeah."


	16. Lawsuits & Bribes & Tests

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Lawsuits & Bribes & Tests**

* * *

 **In Which Draco Files A Lawsuit, Bribes Multiple People & Takes A Test**

* * *

"What did you say my boy?" Dumbledore stared blankly at the blonde boy before him. He must have misheard. For a moment he thought the young Malfoy had just said he was going to sue the school.

"I'm sueing you and the school for extorting money minors, yeah." Draco smirk grew as he counted off the reasons for his lawsuit on his fingers. "And for reckless endangerment, yeah."

He had not misheard him.

"I'm also telling the Minsierty about how keeping dragons in your dungeon, yeah, illegal dragons, yeah." The pyro's smirk grew even wider as he brought up the cover story Harry and he had come up with. One that Harry was currently planting the evidence for.

Dumbledore frowned. It seemed that Mr. Malfoy was taking having to pay for the property damage he had Mr. Potter had caused far more seriously then he had expected. Still that was not an excuse for his behavior. "I'm afraid that making you pay for the damages you caused does not break any laws."

"I was a mere bystander, who had the misfortune to be present when two dragons escaped the school and did battle in the courtyard, yeah." Draco swayed dramatically playing the part of the perfect victim. "The school in an effort to cover up their illegal activities placed the blame for the utter destruction of the court yard on me, yeah, a weak and helpless second year, yeah."

"Do not make up stories."

"Who will people believe, yeah?" The blonde grinned evilly as he dropped the victim act. "You, yeah, the headmaster who was keeping illegal dragons, yeah? Or me, yeah, who happens to have Harry-Freaking-Potter vouching for him, yeah. Plus the dragon cages the dungeon are evidence of your wrong doing, yeah. See ya in court, yeah."

"..." Dumbledore was silent as he watched the boy dramatically march out of his office door.

Draco popped back into the room. "You'll also be paying for my therapy, yeah. I was very traumatized, yeah."

* * *

"Where did you get that broom Cho! It must have costed a fortune! And I know you don't have that kind of money laying around!" Melanie Lawrence stared at the Nimbus 2000 in her fellow Ravenclaws hands. Cho's parents might have been loaded, but they would never have bought Cho that broom.

"I was bribed." Cho shrugged. Malfoy had bought her the broom that could lead to Ravenclaw winning the Cup for the first time since 1874 and all she had to do was tell anyone who asked that two dragons who destroyed that court yard. As far as anyone was concerned Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter did not get into a massive magical brawl.

* * *

"That's a limited edition out of print transfiguration text! How did you find that! No how did you even afford it?!"

"I was bribed." Nicole shrugged. How was she supposed to turn down The Magik of Magic: Changing The World Around You? Especially when all she had to do was tell anyone who asked that a dragon had almost set Harry Potter on fire.

* * *

"That's a lot of chocolate..."

"I was bribed." Justin shrugged as he picked up on of the countless boxes of chocolate covering his bed. "You want one?"

"Sure."

* * *

"This is the stupidest test I've ever seen, yeah."

"Agreed."

"Wanna see who can come up with the most satrcastic, disturbing, and insulting answers, yeah?"

* * *

Draco Malfoy's Test

* * *

What is Gilderoy's favorite color?

 _His hair color: Mustard yellow._

What is Gilderoy's Lockhart's secret ambition?

 _To not end up like my last DADA teacher._

What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

 _...He's achieved any thing?_

How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?

 _So that's he's achievement. Rigging the votes is sort of impressive. There's no other way he could have won._

In his book Break with a Banshee, how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the Bandon Banshee?

 _She saw his smile and ran away. It really is horrifying how unnaturally shiny his teeth are._

Which is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photographs?

 _He should just stay away from cameras._

Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Dueling Championship for wizards or just been pipped at the post?

 _He wouldn't even be invited._

 _Who used the word pipped?_

Which product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?

 _Something illegal._

Which is the person name which Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?

 _Dude, I know I'm an insane pyromaniac and I think you have issues._

When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?

 _Friday 13th._

 _Some serious help. Maybe a therapist?_

* * *

Harry Potter's Test

* * *

What is Gilderoy's favorite color?

 _White_.

What is Gilderoy's Lockhart's secret ambition?

 _To not end up like Quiril._

What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

 _Writing a book. I am aware of the work needed to write a book._

How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?

 _More then two._

In his book Break with a Banshee, how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the Bandon Banshee?

 _I never read that book, I was busy with How To Get Away With Killing Your Professor._

Which is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photographs?

 _I be a stalker if I knew the answer to that._

Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for wizards or just been pipped at the post?

 _Nether. No one wants him to compete and deal the lawsuits that they'd face once he gets killed by accident._

Which product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?

 _I don't bother to learn that sort of information unless I'm planning on poisoning it. Again if knew that off the top of my head I'd be a stalker._

Which is the person name which Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?

 _Toby_.

When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?

 _I do not know nor do I care. I will never be giving you a birthday present._

* * *

 **Deleted Scene**

* * *

 _When Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy somehow managed to reduce on of the many Hogwarts courtyards to ruins it didn't really surprise anyone. After all was a well know fact around Hogwarts that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were crazy. Not the crazy like the Weasley Twins, but crazy as in they were legitimately insane, plus they'd done crazier things after all. The two madmen had blame it on escaped two dragons. Ones that Draco may have released on to the school grounds just to back up the story while Harry planted evidence of dragon residence in the dungeon. Sadly school was now facing an investigation from the ministry for that, but it wasn't really unexpected considering the lengths they were both willing to go to for what they wanted. Draco's ensuring lawsuit was amusing to watch unfold which made up for it._

* * *

 **I'm sorry for the wait but I've been busy. I don't have the next chapter written yet.**

 **I'm debating which professor to kill next Fake-Moody or Umbridge? Which would you guys prefer to see die?**

 **Also I've decided that Hidan!Ron is now cannon to Explosive Dragon but I still will be doing the Pain!Ron and Shikamaru!Ron chapters.**

 **Please review~**

 **It motivates me to write~**

 **Suggestions are loved~**

 **I have a list of them that I use when picking what chapters are going to be about~**

 **KYR OUT~**


	17. Do The Tango Of Death

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Do The Tango Of Death**

* * *

 **In Which Harry Gets More Screen Time Then Draco For Once & Two Deatheaters Do The Tango**

* * *

"Hey, listen...about the badges. I've asked them not to wear them."

"Why?" Harry started at the other Hogwarts Champion blankly.

"Because their mean?" It came out sounding more like a question then an answer.

"If I didn't have a near total disregard of the opions of my peers they could have served as tool to lower my morals and increase your chances for victory. I advise you to have your house make more badges for the other champions."

"Thanks?" Cedric stared at the Boy-Who-Lived more then a little disturbed. Seriously who says those kinda things?

* * *

"How To Create An Army Of Inferi For Dummies, yeah...I think I know what I'm getting Harry for Christmas, yeah. He better get me that book on Fiendfyre, yeah."

* * *

"Welcome, my friends. Thirteen years it's been, and yet, here you stand before me, as though it were only yesterday. I confess myself... disappointed. Not one of you tried to find me. Crabbe! Macnair! Goyle! Not even you, Lucius."

As the Dark Lord monologued, Harry began to look around at his surroundings.

A dark graveyard? Check.

A bunch of minions? Check.

A evil mass murdering villain monologuing? Check.

It felt like a cliche scene for a bad fantasy movie...or a really good one.

"The Boy Who Lived. How lies have fed your legend, Harry! Shall I reveal what really happened that night thirteen years ago? Shall I divulge how I truly lost my powers?" As Voldemort continued to monologue, Harry counties to tune him out. Why did these things have to happen to him? Seriously it was a pain to deal with. Hey wasn't that Draco's dad? "Yes, shall I? It was love. You see, when sweet, dear Lily Potter gave her life for her only son, she provided the ultimate protection. I could not touch him. It was old magic, something I should have foreseen. But no matter, no matter. Things have changed. I can touch you... now! Astounding what a few drops of your blood will do, eh, Harry?"

"Not really." Harry yawned. How long was this guy going to monologue for?Yup that was definitely Draco's dad. The long hair gave it away. "Hey Draco's dad."

"You know my son?"

"We're fellow homicidal manics in crime working together to cause as much destruction and mayhem as we can." Voldemort, Lucius, and the rest of the Death Eaters just stared at the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Fellow homicidal manics in crime?" Lucius repeated. What had his son been up to at school? He almost didn't want to know the answer.

Harry shrugged. It wasn't like anyone here was a member of law enforcement so it wouldn't be a problem to explain. It would be amusing to see their reactions. "We're responsible for the deaths of numerous members of the Hogwarts staff. We're also indirectly responsible for Lockhart's death. We're the cause of multiple cases of mental scaring. We also committed least two counts of robbery and more counts of arson then we can count. Plus that one time where we commuted purgery that one time we sued the school."

"No! That can't be true!" Lucius moaned as he fell to his knees. Draco was already insane. He was already a pryo. He couldn't handle it if Draco got any worst.

Again Harry shrugged. "Well we've also cause more then half a million gallons of property damage. We've also bribed multiple people and planted evidence. There is also the fact that we did torture that Dementor but I don't think that's technically against the law. We also turned Snape into an alcoholic but I don't think there are any laws against that ether..."

By now Voldemort was less stunned by his nemesis admiring to murder and more angry that the spot light has shifted away from him.

"Pick up your wand, Potter! I said pick it up! Get it up, get it up! You've been taught how to duel, I presume?"

"No, but I read about it." Harry rolled his eyes and with a flick of his wrist his wand sailed into is hand. Wizard duels were frankly stupid in his option. Why bother with all the formalities? And why ban spells for use?

"First, we bow to each other. Come now, Harry, the niceties must be observed. Dumbledore wouldn't want you to forget your manners, would he?"

"Since when did I start caring about what Dumbledore thought?" He deadpanned.

"I said, bow!"

"No." He was not bowing to some snake faced loser.

"Bow." By this time Voldemort was beginning to get frustrate.

"No. You bow or better yet _you dance_." A smirk was all the warning Voldemort and his Deatheaters got. Once again Harry flicked his wrists, sending invisible wire like tendrils of magic at his 'captors'. They were going to be his puppets. His fingers move.

"What's he doing!" A nameless death cried as he began dancing 80's disco style. He couldn't stop dancing!

Crabbe Senior screamed as he did the cha-cha. "Why can't I stop dancing!"

"Cool! This is awesome! Hey guys look at my moves!" Another nameless death eater laughed as he moon walked across the graveyard. He had alway wanted to dancer instead of a pure blood supremistis but his two left feet and his parents had always gotten in the way. Now he was dancing like a pro! It was a dream come true!

"He's a demon!" Lucius sobbed as he danced The Robot. Another one! First his son and how Harry Potter! And they were apparently friends! He was doomed. Doomed. Doomed. Doomed.

"Mmh!" The Deatheaters doing The Worm made a strange noise as he got a mouthful of mud.

"Stop it!" Begged the Deatheaters currently and rather comedically dancing 'Squirrels in My Pants'. Harry was glad he had seen that Phineas and Ferb episode. It was hilarious.

"I will kill you Harry Potter!" The Dark Lord screamed as he danced the caramelldansen.

"I doubt it." Harry shock his head."Now in the words of a fictional fourth grader known as Eric Cartmen: screw you, I'm going home." And with that he walked over to the pockey, past the two tangoing Deatheaters and left.

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

Ron Weasley's Test

* * *

What is Gilderoy's favorite color?

 _Fuck if I know. Fuck if I care._

What is Gilderoy's Lockhart's secret ambition?

 _To be sacrificed to Jashin-sama._

What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

 _Who gives a damn about his achievements?_

How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?

 _I don't read that shitty magazine._

In his book Break with a Banshee, how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the Bandon Banshee?

 _Not fucking bloodily enough._

Which is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photographs?

 _Who would take pictures of this fucking idiot? Instead they should be spending their fuckin time taking pictures of Jashin-sama!_

Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for wizards or just been pipped at the post?

 _Who'd invite him? He's a fucking weakling._

Which product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?

 _Who cares? I certainly don't give a fuck._

Which is the person name which Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?

 _Jashin-sama._

 _To it anything else is blasemy._

When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?

 _Why the hell am I still answering any of these fucking questions?_

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the dancing death eaters. It took me a while to decided all of the different dances. Almost made Lucius a balerina but something about The Robot just felt right. The Carmelldansen is a dance that I encourage you to look up if you don't already know what it is. You'll understand how hilarious it is picturing Voldie do the dance.**

 **I've pretty much settle on Hermione being Konan. She'll have something similar to what Itachi!Luna did. I think I'll do her chapter after the next one. Umbridge won by a landslide so she dying next chapter.**

 **I've gotten a lot of requests for Itachi!Luna to be Explosive Dragon cannon. I'm considering it (just how funny it will be considering I plan to pair Draco and Luna together.) but I'll leave it up to you guys to decided. Yay or nay?**

 **Haku and Zabaza have gotten requests as well...should I include them? Yay or nay? And if Yay any ideas on who? It can't be Nevile since I have some very evil plans for him, but nearly anyone else is game.**

 **Please review.**  
 **It gives me motivation to write.**  
 **Like really I got 18 reviews for the last chapter and I was so happy and motivated I got this done in a day. That isn't the norm since I usually have school but I could get stuff done in less then a weak when motivated.**

 **Seriously review are awesome. Before I actaully started my own storys I never understood why authors love them. There's just something so fulfilling about having people review something you worked hard on and take pride in...I going on a tanget now but really I've just found it really amazing how happy they always make me and I assume other authors. They don't even have to be complement ever just a review which is really interesting since that means it isn't the praise that creates that happy reaction. Anyway moving on.**

 **Thank you all of you who gave me suggestions they are wonderful inspiration and all go on to my idea List. Really thank you.**

 **Special thanks to:**

 **VampireHuntresses: For suggesting such a wonderfully dark and twist way to kill off Fake-Moody. Your awesome.**

 **Gawain-Knight of the Sun: Thank you for suggesting the inclusion of Ron's test.**

 **chaosglory626: Inferi...Your a genius and Harrys definitely getting some Inferi minions at some point.**

 **magnetic turtle: Your the one who made me finally decided that Konan!Hermione would be done as cannon and not AU.**

 **Remzal Von Enili: For giving me the most ironic way possible to kill Umbrige I thank you.**

 **I don't have any of the next chapter written but I'm planning it, instead you got Ron's test.**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 **Edit: Including Sneak Peak.**

* * *

 _"Are you in position Ninja-R? Over."_

 _"Ninja-R is in position. Over."_

 _"Roger that Ninja-R. Are you in position Ninja-Y? Over."_

 _"Ninja-Y is in position, yeah. Over, yeah."_

 _"Roger that Ninja-Y. Operation: Pervy Toad is go. Ninja-Y target should be in your sight in five. Ninja-R target should be in your sight in ten. Over."_

 _"Hey Draco why is this operation called pervy toad?"_

 _"Damn it Colin stay in charater, yeah. I knew we shouldn't have had Neville be our communications manager, yeah."_

 _"I've actually been wonder the same thing. Colin's in charge of communications because he's the one who got us the walkie-talkies, plus Neville's terrified of you."_

 _"Fine, yeah! Umbitch looks like a mutated toad and have you seen the way that Neville's toad is always trying to look up the girls robes? I swear that animal is the biggest pervert in the school. Target in sights, yeah. Waiting for orders, yeah. Over, yeah."_

 _"Target in sight. Waiting for orders. Over."_

 _"Roger that Ninja-Y. Wait for the order. Over."_


	18. Why Is The Killing Curse Forbidden?

**I own nothing.**

 **Umbrigde doesn't die in this chapter. Mainly beauce the chapter I had plan is way freaking to long and busy. I mean I haven't written half of it and I'm already at 1,500 words. I still have** **to add Hermione organizing a Dumbledore Army, some Hidan!Ron antics driving Umbridge mad, some more Itachi!Luna, some Zabuza!Ginny, Voldemort, something with the Order, Sirius, Demenotors, The Trial, Umbridges death, something with Flich, the usual antic of the bunch of our favorite Psychoic Duo and a bunch other things.** **I'm already at 1,500 words and I don't see myself finishing the entire thing till at least next week.**

 **So I'm splitting it into two to three maybe even four(it depends on how much chaos I add based on what is suggested in reviews, really guys you give some wonderful inspiration.).**

 **Otherwise you'd would waiting for a while...and I just can't stand to have that happen after all the wonderful reviews I got last chapter.**

 **Anyway on with the show.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Why Is The Killing Curse Forbidden?**

* * *

 **In Which Ninja's Use Walkie-Talkies & Griffiondor Looses 150 Points**

* * *

 _"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the wizarding community must be passed down the generations lest we lose them for ever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the wheighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognised as errors of judgement. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited."_

* * *

"I think we may need to plan get ride of one of our professors early the usual."

"Why, yeah?"

Harry raised his eye brow. "Where you paying any attention to her speech?"

"No, yeah. I tuned out after the first sentence of bullshit, yeah." Draco shrugged. It wasn't like the speech was worth listening to it was just a bunch of ministry bullshit.

"Basicly the ministry is trying to take control of Hogwarts and get rid of Dumbledore."

"So yeah? It's not like we care about any of that, yeah." This time it was Draco who raised his eye brow.

"We don't, but I don't think that the ministry will be as lax about the schools security as Dumbledore is. Nor do I think they will be as lenient with rule breaking. We may have to deal with _actual consequences_."

"...I'll get the TNT, yeah."

"We can't kill her yet idiot and especially not with an explosive, thats your calling card. We need to plan this one out carefully so it looks like an accident. We don't need to be on the Ministry's wanted list till we've graduated."

* * *

"Why is the Killing Curse forbidden anyway, yeah?" The thought had just occurred to Draco as he sat trying to turn his lamp into a trunk.

"What are you asking Mr. Malfoy?" Professor Mcgonagall stared at her student. Surely the answer to that question was oblivious?

"What I mean teach, is why is the spell forbidden, yeah?" Seriously why was it forbidden? Off the top of his head Draco could come up with multiple ways to kill another person. Hell he could name plenty of ways to do it with a single first year spell. So why was a curse that kill someone forbidden if there were plenty of unbanned spell that could do the same? It didn't make any sense.

"It _kills_ people Mr. Malfoy."

"I know that, yeah. It _just_ kill people, yeah. A quick and painlessly death too, yeah. I can think of plenty of spell that do the same thing but slower and painfully deaths, yeah. Why aren't those spells banned then, yeah?"

"Where did you learn such spell Mr. Malfoy!?"

"My first year at Hogwarts, yeah."

"W-wha-" Professor Mcgonagall sputtered at her students words. First years learning potentially lethal spells?

"One of my personal favorite spells, Incendio can be use to burn someone alive, yeah. A very painful way to die, yeah." Draco cut her off. "The Severing Charm Diffindo can be used to slit someone's throat, yeah. Nearly any headshot is fatal, yeah. If aimed right you could hit the heart, lungs, or other vital organs, yeah. For slower death by smoke inhalation there The Smokescreen Spell Fumos, yeah. This spell could be used to kill this entire classroom, yeah. The Killing Curse is a _single_ target spell while Fumos, when used offensively is a _multi_ target spell, yeah. Wingardium Leviosa is also a rather deadly and brutal charm when used correctly, yeah. I could use it to bash my target against a wall till they died, yeah." Draco shock his head."If I can think of ways to use spell that were taught to be as a _first year_ , yeah, think do all the lethal spells I know now as a _fifth_ , yeah. So why is the Killing Curse banned, yeah? Wouldn't a quicker death be preferable to a painful death you'd get once people started getting _creative_ yeah?"

"..." The entire class minus Harry stared at the blonde with a mix of shock, horror, and a few with a look of morbid interest as they're mind spun trying to think up their own lethal spell uses. Harry however continue with the assignment, he after all had come up with similar uses for everyday spells.

"Now that I think about it, yeah, why is the spell Crucio forbidden?"

"MR. MALFOY! 150 POINTS FOR GRIFFONDOR FOR DISRUPTING MY CLASS! THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE SUBJECT FOR MY CLASS!"

* * *

 _"Are you in position Ninja-R? Command over."_

 _"I'm in position._ _Ninja-R o_ _ver."_

 _"Roger that Ninja-R. Are you in position Ninja-Y?_ _Command o_ _ver."_

 _"I'm in position, yeah._ _Ninja-Y o_ _ver, yeah."_

 _"Roger that Ninja-Y. Operation: Pervy Toad is go. Ninja-Y target should be in your sight in five. Ninja-R target should be in your sight in ten._ _Command o_ _ver..._ _Hey Draco why is this operation called pervy toad?"_

 _"Damn it Colin stay in charater, yeah. I knew we shouldn't have had Neville be our communications manager, yeah."_

 _"I've actually been wonder the same thing. Colin's in charge of communications because he's the one who got us the walkie-talkies, plus Neville's terrified of you. Why do even have to be 'in charter' in the first place?"_

 _"Fine, yeah! Umbitch looks like a mutated toad and have you seen the way that Neville's toad is always trying to look up the girls robes? I swear that animal is the biggest pervert in the school, yeah. And we talking like this because I saw it in a movie and it was cool, yeah. Target in sights, yeah. Waiting for orders, yeah._ _Ninja-Y o_ _ver, yeah."_

 _"Target in sight. Waiting for orders. Ninja-R over."_

 _"Fire!_ _Command o_ _ver."_

 _"Silencio, yeah."_

 _"Stupefy."_

* * *

Outside the seventh girl bathroom.

Trevor sneezed. 'Was somebody talking about me? The Super Mega Pervert The Toad Sage Jiraiya!'

"Trevor!"

'Damn it! I was so close!' The Toad Sage swore as his 'owner' snatched him up. He'd spend the rest of the day in his cage! He wouldn't be able to do any research! He knew his 'owner' was evil! Evil! But now he knew the true! He was diabolical!'

* * *

"Well Flitc-" Suddenly the toad was silent. She couldn't make a sound.

"Proffes-" Flitch collapsed on the ground. A certain Boy-Who-Lived's Stupefy taking the Hogwarts Caretaker out of the way.

"...!" All Umbridge could do was look on with shock and confusion as she lost control of her body. She walked out of the castle as silently as any silencio'ed person being controlled by a magically fifteen year old who happens to be a master puppeteer would.

* * *

"Letting her take advantage of you?" Terry asked. The ginger Griffindor was constantly taking advantage of the Hufflepuff. Sending him to get her things, getting him to do her homework, having him carry her books between class, the list was endless.

"Because it makes her happy." Dean was fully aware that Ginny was taking advantage of his willingness to act as her personal servant, be he didn't mind in the least. It made her happy and that was enough for him.

"...Your hopeless."

Dean knew that. He was completely hopeless when it came to Ginny, but it wasn't he fault. He just had to be the reincarnation of a ninja with a unhealthily level of devotion towards his teacher/master/savior. An unhealthy level of devotion that Dean had inherited. It sucked to be honest, but at the same time how could he not do his best to do anything he possibly could for Ginny? Even if she didn't remember and he barely did, she was still Zabuza-sama.

He really was hopelessly devoted to the ginger.

...He also had to finish her potion essay. Ginny Weasley would not be turning in anything short of a perfect paper.

* * *

 **Again guys sorry I haven't killed Umbridge yet (reasons are at the top of the chapter if you didn't read it.).**

 **What did you guys think of Jiraiya? I kept his entire memory intact. I'm evil. Should I do something with another pet sometime in the future? Not to soon though I still have a bunch on the List that needs doing. Anyway should Jiraiya appear every now and then just for how fun it is to watch him suffer.**

 **Haku!Dean was hard to decided how to do, but I ended up having him be the only charater as of yet to be aware of the reincarnation busyness (Though he only knows about himself and Ginny.). Still he only vaguely remembers his time as Haku. He remembers it like a kid show you watch when you where two. You remember a scene or two, but largely you don't remember a thing other then you watched it. Dean is clearly dominate, but Haku does bleed though here and there, but for the most part he's completely normal.**

 **Please review!**

 **Also I want as many ideas as possible to torture a certain pink toad.**

 **Plus it makes me happy and motivate** **s me to write even faster.**

* * *

 **Sneak Peak**

* * *

 _I don't have anything written but I will tell you one thing._

 _Three words._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Gai & Lee_

 _I'll give you a real sneak peak if you can guess what I'm gonna do to Flich. I should have more written by then._

* * *

 **KYR OUT~**


	19. Youth & Murder

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Youth & Murder**

* * *

 **In Which Filch Is Not Frame & Weasley's Contemplate Murder**

* * *

"Who ever is responsible for this will be severely punished!" Umbridge ranted. Finally after fifteen terrifying minutes, Dolores Umbridge finally regained control of her body...in the middle of no where...in the Forbidden Forest. Yes she would make who ever had done this to her _pay dearly_ for this.

"I doubt it, yeah."

Umbridge whirled around only to see Draco Malfoy leaning up against a tree. "What are you doing here Mr. Malfoy?" She forced herself to be polite to the brat. After all his father was one of her bosses biggest supporters.

"We're here to kill you." Harry dropped down onto the forest floor next to the blonde.

"Yeah, we don't usually end up disposing of our Defense professor until the end of the year, yeah." Draco smirk exploded into a full blown maniacal grin. "But your just to much of a pain in the ass to keep around that long."

"You brats..." Umbridge growled as she pointed her wand at them. "Reducto!"

And promptly blew her own head off.

"What the _**fuck**_ , yeah? Did she just blow her own head off, yeah?" Draco swore as he stared increadulsy at the corpse lying in front of him.

"...I think she was holding her wand backwards."

Draco twitched."Are you fucking kidding me, yeah? We spent two fucking weeks planning how to kill that bitch in the same way we did Fake-Moody and pin it all on Flitch, yeah. Instead she turns out to suck so badly at Defense that she can't even hold her fucking wand right, yeah?!"

The Boy-Who-Lived shrugged. "It's not my fault she was shit at anything but giving bullshit speeches."

"...That does not make me feel any better, yeah. I wanted to see her suffer, yeah." Draco rolled his eyes.

"But you have to admit that it was ironic."

"How, yeah?"

"What was she trying to brainwash us into believing?"

"Oh, yeah." It was if a lightbulb lit up above Draco head as it dawned on him how ironic and funny it truly was. He was still piss, but oh how fitting for that Toad to die from her own incompetence. He then bursted into maniacal laughter.

* * *

"I wish I had a minion, yeah."

"What brought that up?"

"Colin's worship of you, yeah."

"Couldn't you just ask your dad for some?"

"He tried to give me minions before I started Hogwarts, yeah. It was horrible, yeah. So much green, yeah." Draco began shaking at the very memory. It had been horrible.

* * *

 _Flashback Start_

* * *

 _"Now Draco I have arranged for you to hang out with Gregory and Vincent's sons toda-"_

 _Draco cut his father off. "So I'm basically meeting your lackey's kids, yeah? Are they going to be my lackeys, yeah?"_

 _"No! The Crabbe and Goyle family's are both pureblooded wizarding families and long time allies of the Malfoy. We wish for this alliance to carry on among the current generation."_

 _"Sweet, I've always wanted minions, yeah." Suddenly a horrible thought hit him out of nowhere: What if they wear orange lollypop masks? "They don't wear orange lolly pop masks do they, yeah? Since I'll have to slowly burn them alive if they do, yeah."_

 _"No Draco, they do not wear lolly pop mask." This time Lucius didn't even bothering to correct his son on the whole 'minion/lackey' thing. It was true but you do not just go around saying that._

 _"Good, yeah."_

 _"Master Lucius, Master Draco, Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle have arrived." Doby popped into the room._

* * *

 _Draco froze as the two boys entered his living room. They were dressed in skin tight green body suits with orange leg warmers. It was a horrifying picture._

 _"Gregory and Vincent met Draco."_

 _"It's nice to meet you! I have heard so much about your Youth from my father! Let us be the most Youthful friends!"_

 _"Yosh! Let us be best friend! If we are not best friends then I will run a hundred laps around this manor!"_

 _"How Youthful of you Vincent! Let us do it on our hands if we should fail to make friends with the most Youthful Draco during the Spring Time Of Youth! For The Power of Youth!"_

 _"Gregory!" Vincent cried as he ran towards the other boy, tears streaming from his eyes._

 _"Vincent!" Gregory cried as he too ran towards the other boy, tears also streaming from his eyes._

 _"Gregory!" Vincent cried as he gave the other boy a man hug._

 _"Vincent!" Gregory cried as he also gave the other boy a man hug._

 _Behind them a sunset appeared._

 _"Draco meet Gregory and Vincent." Lucius turn to his son only to find that he had vanished. "Draco? Draco where are you?"_

* * *

 _Draco hid in the attic, rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped around his legs muttering to himself. "Sunsets, youth, green..."_

 _It was a whole week before anyone was able to cooks him back down._

* * *

 _Flashback End_

* * *

 **Educational Decree Twenty-Four**

* * *

All Student Organisations, Societies, Teams, Groups, and Clubs are henceforth disbanded. An Organisation, Society, Team, Group, or Club is hereby defined as a regular meeting of three or more students. Permission to re-form may be sought from the High Inquisitor (Professor Umbridge). No Student Organisation, Society, Team, Group, or Club may exist without the knowledge and approval of the High Inquisitor. Any student found to have formed, or to belong to, an Organisation, Society, Team, Group, or Club that has not been approved by the High Inquisitor will be expelled.

* * *

Needless to say that that Educational Degree pissed a few people off, made a few mildly homicidal, and needless to say Ron Weasley was one of those people.

"How dare that bitch try to fucking disband fuck'in SPEW! Screw waiting till I graduate! I'm gonna fuck'in murder her!" Ron ranted in the Griffindor Common room.

"You can't murder her Ron!" Hermione snapped at the redhead.

"Why not Hermione-chan?" Ron blinked owlishly.

"Because..." Hermione racked her brain for a reason that the red headed madman would listen to. "Because you can't help me with SPEW of your arrested for murder!"

"Good point...Your need your right hand man if you are to become the next Dark Lady!"

Why did she have to be the one to deal with this? It was driving her crazy. She had been obsessively folding origami for the last year in order to help her manage the stress of dealing with Ron. Her dorm was already filled with over a thousand origami cranes, flowers, dragons, butterflies, ninja stars, and horses among other things.

* * *

Another person who reacted rather negatively to Educational Decree Twenty-Four was Ginny Weasley.

"She's going down." The ginger girl snarled as she stomped down the hallway.

"Who's going down Ginny?" Luna hummed as she fell into step next to her best friend.

"The pink toad fucker who's shutting down my Quidditch team."

"You won't be able to be Griffondor's Seeker if your expelled for killing your teacher."

"I'm The Demon of the Bloody Skye! I can do what ever I bloody well want." Ginny growled.

"Still while it is impressive that you alway manage to beat another player unconnious every game without getting a foul, I'm pretty sure that you could just let Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter handle it." After all why kill someone when theres someone else perfectly willing to do it for you?

 _Maybe I haven't been as good an influence as I thought..._

"That isn't true Yūrei-san, you've been a great influence."

"Why would I do that?" Ginny asked, ignoring Luna's habit of talking to a voice only she could hear. She'd gotten used to it.

"Because its fun watching them murder our teachers."

 _At least I'm did a better job with Luna then I did Sasuke._

"Your fucked up you know that Luna?"

"I'm not crazy. Just because you can't hear Yūrei-san doesn't mean that he isn't real. And Yūrei-san you did a great job with your brother, it isn't your fault some madman intent on world domination using a moon mirror brainwashing him."

"..." Luna didn't really understand that saying things like that after claiming sanity wasn't a very good way to well have people believe her?

"So you want to go get the popcorn we have...How mud time do we have Yūrei-san?"

 _Thirty minutes._

"Thirty minutes before the show starts."

"Yes."

* * *

 **The Adventures Of The Toad Sage**  
 **Episode 2: Toad Song**

* * *

 _First Year_

'Finally! I, Jiraiya The Great and Mighty Toad Sage will be able to research once more!' Trevor cheered to himself as the boat he was on slowly made its way across the lake and towards the castle. It has be over a decade since he had been able to research. 'I can't wait! Lady here I come! Hehehehehe!'

 _My name's Jiraiya The Mighty Toad Sage!_

 _The greatest pervert ever know to man!_

 _I'm off on an adventure!_

 _To do some research!_

 _Some glorious research!_

 _How I love to research!_

 _Beautiful research!_

 _I am a Supreme Mega Extreme Super Ultra Pervert!_

 _And I'm not afraid to brag!_

 _It is my pride to be a perv!_

 _I'm the pervert sage!_

 _Now follow me my fellow pervs on this mighty quest!_

 _Let us go and see what lies beyond!_

 _Now to the bath!_

 _Just a tiny peek is all I seek!_

 _Research, research, research!_

 _How I love to research!_

 _Beautiful research!_

 _I am a Supreme Mega Extreme Super Ultra Pervert!_

 _I'm not afraid to brag!_

 _It is my pride to be a perv!_

 _I'm the pervert sage!_

 _And off I go to brave the dangers!_

 _To do some resear-_

The toad stopes it song as it slammed head first into an 'Anti-Male Ward' on the bathroom entrance. The many animals of the school spent the rest of the day hearing the once mighty ninja's crys of angst echoed through the hall of Hogwarts.

* * *

 **I didn't get everything I wanted into the chapter, but I can alway do them another time. I'm getting tired of fifth year, I want to jump around more. I'll get back to it another time but I think I'll do some stuff in fourth year. I need to kill of Fake-Moody.**

 **Anyway who likes how Umbitch died? I found it hilarious given how much she preaches that you do not need to know how to properly defend ones self. Did you guys find it funny?**

 **Also what did you think of Crabbe and Goyle. I'm not sure if I did them right so feed back would be apperated on them.**

 **I got Itachi!Luna and Zabuza!Ginny in as well. What did you think of their interactions with one another? Do you guys like Zabuza!Ginny?**

 **I've decided to do a little scene at the end of every chapter featuring an animal reincarnation. Suggests would be loved on those, but Crookshanks and Negi are taken. The rest of the animals are fair game so let me know!**

 **I've gotten a number of comments on the spelling and grammar of this story. I really do try my best but I rarely see the errors. I'm also dyslexic which really doesn't help in that regard. I was wondering if anyone could tell me about what getting a Beta would be like? I mean how would it work? I've never had a beta so my knowledge on the subject is limited. I want to give you guys the best story I can so could you please let me know.**

 **Please review~**

 **Almost forgot but this chapter was the longest yet.**

 **Word Count: 2,088**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 _Sneak Peak_

* * *

 _Rita Skeeter had thought that interviewing Harry Potter the Fourth Champion of the Triwizard(Or was it Pentawizard) Tournament would be a easy sensational article...she was wrong, oh so so so WRONG._

 _"What do you think your parents would think of you entering this tournament?"_

 _"How am I supposed to know that? I don't remember them, but I have a feeling that if I had a grandmother she's try to kill me..."_


	20. Draco The Drug Fiend

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Draco The Drug Fiend**

* * *

 **In Which Harry Tells Rita Some Total Bullshit & Rita Is Stupid Enough To Believe Him**

* * *

Please! Somebody help me!" Harry screamed as he ran into the Griffondor common in only his boxers. "My grandmothers and a pink haired teenage girl with super strength are trying to murder me!"

"Aren't all his grandmothers dead?" Lavender asked confused.

"Yeah I think they are." Justin nodded.

"I'm sorry I killed that catsuit wearing cross-dresser! I'll repent! I promise!" Harry shreeked as he ran around in circles.

"Is he high?"

"Well it sure looks like it Hermione-chan, and what ever he's on I fucking want some of that shit too." Ron grinned next to Hermione.

"I will crush you with my puppet army!" And with that Harry jumped out the window.

* * *

Rita Skeeter had thought that interviewing Harry Potter the Fourth Champion of the Triwizard(Or was it Pentawizard) Tournament would be a easy sensational article...she was _wrong_ , oh so so so _WRONG._

* * *

"Well this is cozy isn't it Harry?" Rita purred as she took a seat in the broom closet.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Harry deadpanned. Didn't this reporter realize that they were sitting in a broom closet? What was cozy about that?

Rita ignored the question, instead taking out her acid green quill. "Let's begin, would you mind if I use my Quick-Quote Quill?"

"I don't really care."

"Now Harry tell me, you a mere twelve year old boy-" Rita began.

Harry cut her off. "I'm actually fourteen. The fact you seem unaware of my age is even more concerning then the fact you consider a closet cozy. Are you sure your really a professorial reporter?" Seriously? He was the puppet damned Boy-Who-Lived. He'd been alive since the fall of the last Dark Lord (A title that Harry totally planned to take right after he became a mob boss.) bit the dust. She should know his fucking age. He was in a rather bad mood wasn't he? Usually he wouldn't get so worked up over the words of insects. It must have been because he was still sore over Draco spiking his tea with a hallucination yesterday. Damn that mother fucking bastard.

"A mere fourteen year old boy are about to compete against three much older students, who are not only vastly more emotionally mature than yourself, but have also mastered spells you wouldn't attempt in your most dizzy daydreams. Are you _concerned_ about your odds?"

"No, I'm not particularly concerned." Harry shrugged. "I know spells they wouldn't be _capable_ of in they most dizzying daydreams."

"Of course not, your not just any twelve year old-"

Again Harry cut her off. "I'm fourteen. How were you even hired?" Again seriously? He had just told her his age less then thirty seconds ago.

"Your Harry Potter, the legend. Now tell me, was it the trauma of your past that made you to enter such a dangerous tournament?"

"I didn't enter. I know that Draco didn't do it, not that I would put it past the shitty excuse for an artist. But that bastard would have entered himself too so that he could defeat me. Not that he could." Harry muttered the last bit under his breath.

"Of _course_ you didn't enter Harry. You don't have to lie Harry, everyone loves a rebel." Rita winked at the Savior.

"I'm not lying. It isn't like I have a reason to."

"Now, speaking of your parents if they were they alive, how do you think they'd feel about this? Would they be broud? Or concerned that your attitude shows, at best a pathological need for attention, and at worst a psychotic death wish?"

Harry blinked. "How am I supposed to know that? I don't remember them, plus I don't have a pathological need for attention nor a psychotic death wish. I will not deny that I can be a but I have a feeling that if I had a grandmother she's try to kill me...She'd proboby bring a pink minion and stab me through the heart using the puppets I plan to make using my parents corpses...or it could just be the drugs talking."

"Drugs?" Was the boy who lived a drug addict? That would be the scoop of the decade.

"Yeah, Draco spiked my drink with a hallocogens. He's part of the Hogwarts Underground Drug Ring."

"Yeah, Draco spiked my drink with a hallocogens. He's part of the Hogwarts Underground Drug Ring by the way. He's a total drug fiend" Harry could barely resist the urge to smirk. His revenge would be sweets.

"Hogwarts Drug Ring?" That sounded like an even better scope. Rita could almost see the endings now: Hogwarts Drug Ring Busted By Reporter.

"Yup, how else would Draco get his weed? Would you like to hear more?" It was all Harry could do to stop himself from grinning. He was going to have fun with this.

Rita's eyes positively twinkled. "Yes please do go on."

"Well the whole things kinda of being run by the headmaster."

"Really?" Not only was the headmaster an illegal dragon keeper but a leader of a drug ring. This scope was getting better by the second.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, he's the one having having Professor Sprout grow weed in Green House 10."

"Even a teacher?"

"Most of the staff are in on it. Proffessor Snape is cooking up crack in the dungeon" Harry began to count on his fingers the number of teachers involved with the 'Hogwarts Drug Ring'. "Madame Pomperfy is supplying the morphine. Hagrid is growing opium poppys in the forest. Professor Flitwick is selling cocaine on the hallway corners after hours. Professor Mcgonagall selling massive amounts of catnip to students pet cats."

"And Professor Moody?" Rita asked as she furiously took notes.

"He's an dirty undercover cop. He's the one supplying the divination teacher with meth. Did I mention she always high in class?"

And that was only the begging of the insane shit that Rita heard in that closet. By the time she had come out she and learned several important or not so important things that may have been true or complete and utter bullshit about the Hogwarts underground drug ring that Harry may or may not have totally made up.

1\. Draco Malfoy was a drug fiend.

2\. Dumbledore was also a drug fiend and was the who Malfoy got his weed from.

3\. Snap was the one making all the crack in the dungeons.

4\. Hagrid was the one growing opium poppys on the orders of Dumbledore.

5\. Professor Sprout was growing weed.

6\. Professor Mcgonagall sold catnip.

7\. Professor Flitwick sold cocaine on the hallway corners after hours.

8\. The divination was always high on meth.

9\. Professor Moody was actually an under cover cop who had gone dirty and was the one selling the meth.

10\. Madame Pompfry was selling morphine.

* * *

 **Reign of Tora**  
 **Episode One: Terrified Minion**

* * *

"Feed me. You want to feed me. You want to give me tuna. Feed your pretty kitty. Give me tuna." Crookshanks meowed into his sleeping mistresses ear.

"May I ask what the great and mighty Crookshanks is doing?" A small white kitten with black paws asked from over on another humans bed.

"You may Mittens. I am trying to use the power of suggestion to have my Mistress feed me tuna." It was wonderful having terrified minions to stroke ones ego.

"How wise and clever of you, my lord." Mittens nodded his head. It was actually real stupid, but Kevin knew better then to say that to The Demon Cat Tora. He may have once been a proud Chunin of the Cloud but something where worth giving up ones pride for. He had heard the stories from the Leaf after all.

* * *

 **My school went into a level two lockdown after a bullet was found in one of out hallway. There is are two K-9 United searching the school and of our bags as well.**

 **I had to leave my purse/satchel with my backpack. It's absence is actually more stressful then the actually lockdown since its harder for me to remain detached and calm with it missing. I'm always wearing it when I'm at school so not having that farmilar weight on my left should while on school prepamises feels like going to school without my glasses or shoes. Weird analogy but it fits.**

 **I know we'll be fine of course, and you know I'm fine since I need to go home to post this chapter, but it's still more then a little disconcerting. So I'm writing. I have at least another hour to burn before the drills over. I am a little disappointed in how most of my class has been behaving. They don't seem to realize that while we aren't in danger, that finding a bullet in he hallway do your school is no laughing matter. Well not laughing, but they don't seem to be taking this seriously.**

 **Anyway you've heard enough about my life, if your curious I'm sure that their will be news articles about it by the time this chapter gets posted.**

 **Google: Rador High School Hallway Bullet**

 **What did you think of this chapter? It's a little more crack then usual(pun very much intended) but I hope you still enjoy it.**

 **This chapter was originally meant to kill of Fake-Moody but I got carried away with the interview.**

 **I found Harry's lies amusing. I'll proboby post the article Rita wrote after this interview soon.**

 **Also do you like Tora!Crookshanks?**  
 **And what NamelessCloudShinobiWhoIDubbedKevin!Mittens?**

 **I'm torn on who Tsunade should be...Fawks or Hedwig.**

 **One last thing, I've gotten lots of requests for Tobi/Obito and I'm sorry to say no. He is the one charater who I will not do. While I don't plan on Sasuke or Naruto along with a few others chapters being included in Explosive Dragon I can be convinced (someone managed to convince me to include Sakura...still trying to pick who she's gonna be.), but Tobi/Obito is just not happening. I'm sorry but he's not gonna happen. Madara is though. I've already dropped a few hints on who he is.**

 **So anyway please review~**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **Ps.**

 **Thank you InariTakahashi for offering to beta Explosive Dragon.**

 **I kinda haven't heard back from you since you offered to beta so could you please let me know about wether you want to beta the previous chapter as well as chapters before I post them?**

* * *

 _I haven't had time to write a sneak peak but the next chapter will include Rita's article on Hogwarts Nonexistent Total Bullshit Drug Ring._


	21. Death By Gangrenous Necrosis

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Death By Gangrenous Necrosis**

* * *

 **In Which You Almost Feel Bad For Barty & Bets Are Made**

* * *

"Who's that guy?" Ginny muttered to herself. Why was that guys on nearly every piece of merchiesise she saw.

"He's Krum! The greatest seeker in the world! How could you not know h-"

"Fred, don't you mean second greatest?" Ginny asked darkly. Her wand causally held in her hand.

"Y-yeah, my mistake." Fred stuttered. He had seen how utterly ruthless his little sister could be when pissed off. Everyone remembered what happened to Oliver Wood.

* * *

Alastor Moody. Ex-Auror, Ministry malcontent, and your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I'm here because Dumbledore asked me. End of story, goodbye, the end. Any questions?" The new Defense Agaisnt the Dark Arts introduced himself to the class.

Draco Malfoy raised his hand.

"Yes Mr. Malfoy."

"Anyone wanna take bets on how he kicks the bucket and how long it takes him to kick it, yeah? Ten galleons that he spontaneous combusts like our last one, yeah?"

If Draco Malfoy was any one but Draco Malfoy people would have thought he was joking, but since he was Draco 'The-Batshit-Insane-Pyro' Malfoy they took him seriously.

"Twenty that he gets poisoned." It was his turn to kill their professor. If Draco even thought about taking his kill...

Ron laughed like the madman he was, "Twenty that he gets sacrifed to Jashin-sama!"

"Ron!" Hermione stamped on the boy sitting next to hers foot.

You picked a scary one my minion.

"Sorry Hermione-chan." Ron winced.

"It is unYouthful to take such unYouthful bets!" Gregory leaped to his feet and struck a thumbs up pose.

"Yosh! Gregory is right!" Vincent cheered as he followed his best friend example and struck a pose."Professor Moody is to Youthful to die! If he does I will run around the lake five hundred times!"

"Vincent!" Gregory cried tears streaming from his eyes as he ran toward the other boy dressed in a green body suit.

"Gregory!" Vincent cried running towards the other boy who was totally breaking the Hogwarts dress code.

"Vincent!" Gregory cried as he enveloped the other boy in a giant man hug of Youth.

"Gregory!" As both boys hugged an image of a sunset appeared behind them.

Draco shuttered at the sight. "So no one else wants to take any bets, yeah?"

* * *

Hogwarts Drug Ring Uncovered By Reporter

* * *

That's right dear readers, a horrific drug ring exists within the very school we send our children to. It is truly shocking news, but even more shocking is that nearly the entire Hogwarts staff is involved with it. That's right folks, Albus Dumbldedore is the head of an extensive drug ring that deals in everything from morphine to oppiom. Still the worst news is yet to come: They've been selling to the students.

Proffessor Severus Snape, the head of Slytherin House and potions Professor spends his time 'cooking up crack in the dungeons' as one of my sources put it. My source also complained to me of the horrible smell it made down there. He claimed you could barely get though a potions lesson it was so bad. The Head of Ravenclaw and Charms Professor Filius Flitwick is just as bad if not worse. The former dueling champion spends his evenings selling cocaine to students after hours. It's truly a horrible how far the house of Ravenclaw has fallen. The Head of Hufflepuff Pomona Sprout is the Herblogy professor and spends her time in the greenhouses gardening. She tending to canabis, a drug commonly know as weed. A gate way drug that many a student are already using. One such heart breaking case is Draco Malfory.

"He{Draco Malfoy} used to be such a good kid. We were best friends and did everything together. Then he got addicted to the weed and changed. I'm afraid that he'll start on something strong. It horrible watching my best friend do this to himself. I just don't know what I can do to help him." Harry Potter, the fourteen year old Boy-Who-Lived cried as he told me about the trials of watching his dear friend fall apart. It is heart-wrenching to say that young Draco is not alone. Countless other students have become victims of the ring.

Not even the head of Griffiondor, Transfiguration professor and deputy headmistress is uninvolved. She been supplying the students pet cats with catnip. It seems even Poppy Pomfrey, the school nurse is supplying the students with all the morphine they could dream of. The flying couch, Rolanda Hooch always has herorine to sell and the ground keeper Rubeus Hagrid grows opium poppy out behind the school. The most shocking news of all is that Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor is Alastor Moody. The ex-auror has turned dirty and is supplying meth to the divination teacher Sybill Trelawney...

* * *

"Who put your name in the Goblet of Fire, under the name of a different school? I did." The Fake-Moody who Harry didn't know the real name of and was thus dubbed Fake-Moody monologued.

"So your the one who did that..." Harry muttered. He has been almost positive that that was Flitch. " I was starting to think that was Filtch way of getting back at me for what I did in third year."

"Who frightened off every person I thought might try to hurt you to prevent you from winning the tournament? I did." Fake-Moody monologued.

"I could have done that myself."

"Who nudged Hagrid into showing you the dragons? I did."

Kami was this guy still monologing? Harry was about fed up with all the monologuing he had had to deal with today. Wait a minute. "Hagrid was trying to show me the dragons?...That was not what I thought he was trying to do."

"Who helped you see the only way you could beat the dragon? I did."

"Now that is a lie and can you stop fucking monologuing! I'm sick of having to listen to it! First snake face then you! What's up with wizards and monologuing!" Harry ranted. He was tired of being monologued at!

That was when the Fake-Moody tried to stab him.

Yeah that didn't go so well.

"That was rude. If your going to monologue then you have to interduce yourself before you try and stab them. If your not going to interduce yourself skip the monologue and go for the kill." Harry shook his head before knocking Fake-Moody out.

Half an hour later in a different part of the castle...

"You know what this is?" Harry smirked cruelly down at his victim as he waved the tiny vile above the mans head."It's a poison of my own invention. It causes gangrene to occur rapidly. You do know what gangrene is don't you?"

Crouch refused to respond to the Boy-Who-Lived's questions instead he strained against the ropes binding him, but the lack of reaction have him away. If he had known what gangrene was he wouldn't be so calm.

"No? Well I suppose a simpleton such as yourself wouldn't. I should probably explain it to you then, now stay with me as I break it down into terms your puny little mind can understand. Gangrenous necrosis is caused by a insufficient blood supply, there isn't enough blood circulation in the body which results in cell death. The affected becomes dark, dry and sunken and eventually falls off. Usually it takes time for it to progress that far of course but not with this." Harry tilt the vile slightly, allowing a single drop to hit his prisoners right foot. "No, with this it takes less then a minute. Nasty way to go huh?"

"Mmh!" Crouch's screams of agony was muffled by his gag. The poison had burned its way through his boot to his skin. His skin began to black and shrivel rapidly spreading out from his foot.

* * *

"Remind me never to piss you off, yeah." Draco shook his head as he poked the body his professor with a stick. "Your one twisted motherfucker, yeah."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You incinerated our last professor."

"So, yeah? I didn't make it half as painful or painful as you did, yeah." Draco continued to poke the body on a stick.

"Why are you suddenly growing a heart?"

"I'm not, yeah. I'm commenting on how inhumane your kill was, yeah. I would have just burned him or blew him up, yeah." Well really Draco just wanted to piss Harry off and he had wanted to try blowing the guy up from the inside out using a bomb.

"He tried to stab me."

"Exactly, yeah!" Draco clapped. "He deserves a reward for that, yeah!"

"He turned you into a weasel."

"...Can we resurrect him and do it again, yeah? Make him suffer a little-a lot more, yeah?" Screw fire and explosions for once. That [Censored In Order To Keep T Rating] motherfucker needed to suffer!

"Want to help me hid the bodie?"

"Sure hand me the shovel, yeah." Draco held out his hand.

"You owe me twenty galleon." Harry smirked.

"Damn it yeah!"

* * *

The Fifth Hokage Hedwig

Episode 1: Righteous Female Fury

* * *

"Get back here you good for nothing pervert!" Tsunade shrieked as she flew down the hallway after her prey. "Jiraiya! When I'm through with you you'll never visit another bathroom again!"

The Toad Sage frantically hopped down the hallway. "I didn't see anything! The damn Anti-Male Wards always get in the way!" Somehow he preferred it when Tsunade just had super strength instead of flight. Now he couldn't even run away from her.

* * *

Hogwarts students paused for a moment to watch the great Snowy Owl swoop down the hallways after a toad that was running (hopping?) for dear life. None of them could under stand a word ether animal said but they could sense the snowy's bloodlust and righteous fury. That alone was enough to deter any interference. Nobody was going to get between her and the toad she was dead set on mauling

* * *

 **It took longer then usual to get this chapter written. I've been busy but I've found time on the bus and here and there to get my writing done. I had an unusually hard time writing Rita's article. It just didn't flow right and I didn't end up finishing it. It just wasnt coming to me. Sorry about that.**

 **It turns out that InariTakahashi can't beta Explosive Dragon's beta due to fan fiction rules on how many storys you have to have over 6k+ words. So I'm still looking for a beta.** **Anyway** **InariTakahashi even if you can't be my beta I'm still really thankful for the offer.**

 **I've gotten hooked on Fantasy Life again. I spent a lot of time fighting my way up to Master Tailor in order to get the Stardust Linien for my Hero Blacksmith...**

 **Please review~**

 **And anyone have any ideas for who Kakashi should be? I have a few ideas but I want to see if anyone can come up with anything better...I have an idea that I might bring Obito in for but if I do that I might not give ether the** **screen time Kakashi deserves...**

 **Also any other great ideas for animal reincarnations?**

 **KYR OUT~**


	22. Get Me A Cooler Owl

**I own nothing**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Get Me A Cooler Owl**

* * *

 **In Which Nothing Really Happens & Lucius Buys His Son An Owl**

* * *

"Let us set out on the most Youthful adventure!" Cheered Gregory as he charged towards the Hogwarts Express.

"Yosh!" Vincent was two steps behind Gregory. "Let our adventures be full of Youth!"

Needless to say that many many family's were very very disturbed by the sight of the two eleven year olds screaming about Youth while wearing skin tight lime green body suits with orange leg warmers...a most 'youthful' atire.

* * *

"Now Ron I'll tell you what I told Ginny when I sent her to that reform school, keep your homicidal tendencys in check until you graduate. If I find out you are the cause of any human deaths before then you will wish that you were in Azkaban." Molly looked absolutely demonic as she made it clear to her youngest son what she expected of him. Ron was going to murder at least ten people proboby more, she couldn't do anything about that, but she could make sure to postpone it till he had graduated. The speech should work, Ginny hadn't murdered her reform school teachers yet.

"..." Ron stayed silent.

"Ronald Weasley."

"I won't kill anyone till I graduate." Ron muttered.

"Louder."

"I won't kill anyone till I graduate."

Molly nodded, satisfied with her sons answer. "Good now get on the train."

"Yes ma'am." Ron nodded and almost ran onto the train.

 _Your moms really scary. Do you think she can be converted? She'd make a really great follower._

* * *

"Have ether if you see a toad?" A small fellow first year Griffondor asked.

"No, yeah." Draco said dismissively, returning his attention to his breakfast

"I haven't." Harry shook his head.

"Why would anyone want a pet toad, yeah." Muttered Draco as he drowned his pancakes in serup.

* * *

Onoki would admit that he had come to enjoy his life as an owl. He got to lazy around all day and he would never have to deal with another piece of paper work for the rest of his life. His back aches was gone. He was young again. He could have done without the cage, but he could deal with it. All in all Onoki's second life had been going pretty damn well until the day a rather haggard looking Lucius Malfoy entered the shop.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy had gotten his sons letter not even ten minutes ago. He had thrown on his robes and headed off to buy his son the perfect owl. The head of the Malfoy family didn't even bother brushing his hair. He had to get his son the best owl other wise Draco would come back for one himself. Lucius just could allow his peaceful, fireless, without any explosions life to be ruined.

"I needed an owl."

The clerk nodded. "What kind of owl Mr. Malfoy."

Lucius pulled out his sons letter.

* * *

 _Dear Father,_

 _I have been enjoy myself at school. I have just started educating the masses of the true meaning of art. I have even made a friend with a fellow artist (even if he had no appreciation for real art) and found a potential minion. I am writing to you because the shitty artist has a really beautiful snowy owl. It's better then a barn owl like TNT so I need a new owl. I want it to be big, fast, powerful, really good looking, and it's got to be nobleish. Hedwig(horrible name I know) radiates nobility so I want an even more noble owl. I expect my new owl tomorrow morning, if I don't get it I'm getting it myself._

 _Get me a cooler owl,_  
 _Draco,_

 _Ps. I drew a picture of Hedwig so you'll know what you have to beat._

* * *

For all his sons talk about art Draco was a really bad drawer. The 'owl' looked more like something a five year old would draw and was little more then a bunch of chicken scratchs. It wasn't going to be of  
much help. Hopefully adjectives would do instead.

"Big, fast, noble, powerful, good looking."

"Price range?"

"I don't care."

"Well I think I have the owl for you."

* * *

Onoki had been in the middle of a nap when the clerk picked up his cage and roused him from his slumber.

"This what you were looking for Mr. Malfoy?" The clerk asked a man with long messy blonde hair.

"Yes. Yes. I'll take him. How much?"

"Fourteen galleons."

"Here." The man dumped the handful of gold coins into the clerks hands and took the owl. Onoki hooted indignantly. He was not some pet!

* * *

Onoki stared in horror at the boy in front of his cage. The spark in the blondes eyes looked disturbingly like Deidara. It was then that a horrifying thought hit the former Kage. He had been reborn as an owl, who was to say there weren't others who had been reborn as humans? Onoki prayed that his theory was wrong.

"Your way better then Hedwig, yeah."

That verbal tick...well shit.

"I'm naming you Ceefor as in C4, yeah." The blonde eleven year old hummed.

It was Deidara. No one else had that particular spark of madness, verbal tick, and would name an owl after an explosive...fuck it all to hell.

* * *

 **Owls of ROOT**

 **Episode 1: Plotting**

* * *

Danzo sat on his perch plotting.

The revive of the ROOT was going as smoothly as could be expected. The Hogwarts Mail Owls were all intelligent, but they were no where close to the level of a Summon. They were about smart as a ten year old human, but it could have been worse.

ROOT was coming along nicely. It would be twenty years before it was ready, but Danzo had time. He was a Phoenix he had forever. Someday there would be an army at his beck and call once more.

"Lemon drop Fawkes?" The voice of his 'master' dragged Danzo out of his plotting.

Danzo sent the senile Sarotobi rip off a look that clear said: Go die a painful and slow death at the hands of an Iwa nin.

"I suppose that just means more for me." Albus hummed, not noticing the glare.

 **This chapters shorter then whats become the usual chapter** **length but it was up a lot faster so that should make up for the lower word count. What did you think? I'm thinking about giving Onoki his own chapter at some point, but first I have a question: Should I do Kakashi chapter next or do one filled with animal reincarnations. Kakashi is an animal reincarnation but would you prefer a chapter focusing exclusively on him or one focusing on a verity of them? I'll do both but which would you want first?**

 **I so many great animal reincarnation ideas that are definitely being used. Thank you every one who gave them.**

 **On another note due to popular request all of Team 7 will be dragons. They should be coming up soonish.**

 **Anyone have any idea of who or what Iruka should be? Someone suggested him as a merman and while I don't think merman would fit him well I think Iruka would be a wonderful inclusion into this messed up school. A sane reincarnation with little to no issue...I'm at a loss to figure it out.**

 **Please review its great motivation~**

 **KYR OUT~**


	23. Your Not My Mummy!

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Your Not My Mummy!**

* * *

 **In Which Kakashi Hates His New Name & Team Seven Are All Girls**

* * *

Kakashi was miserable.

There where plenty of reasons that he could have been miserable about. The fact that he no longer had any chakra, that he was a baby dragon, that he couldn't speak 'human', that he was the size of a large puppy, he had to eat rats, or that he was stuck with a giant man who was convinced that he was his 'mummy.' As horrible as that all was Kakashi could deal with it, he could adapt. What he couldn't deal with was nightmarish in comparison: No Ichi-Ichi.

His precious orange books were gone.

* * *

"What is horrible sound Hagrid?" Professor Sprout asked the Keeper of the Keys.

"W-what horrible sound?" Hagrid stuttered, pretending not to head the cries of anguish coming from his hut.

"It sounds like the cry of the damned."

* * *

"Why?! Why has my Ichi-Ichi been taken from me! Why must you be so cruel Kami! Do you have not mercy?! Is anything sacred!?" Kakashi roared to the sky...er ceiling.

* * *

"Who's your mummy? Who's your mummy Norbert?" The giant crooned to him.

Kakashi spat out a few flame, setting the giants beard on fire. Setting the mans beard on fire has become his response when ever the man called himself Kakashi's 'mummy'. The giant was most certainly not his 'mummy.'

"That's right Norbert." The giant grinned madly as he put out his beard fire. "I'm your mummy."

Kakashi set the beard on fire again.

* * *

"Norbert play with Fang?" The giant dog panted as it sat down in front of the baby dragon, dropping a mangled teddy on Kakashi's head.

"No, and my names Kakashi." Kakashi looked at the toy which barely resembled the bear it was supposed to be with distain. What sort of excuse for a play thing was that? He had never given any of his dogs anything like this. Even after some use Kakashi had always made sure that all of The Packs toys were intact and clean. Seriously the 'teddy' looked like it had some mold growing on it.

"Norbert play with Fang?" Fang whined.

"No and my names Kakashi. Ka-Ka-Shi." Kakashi missed his dogs. He missed summon. They were all smarter then normal animal. It was painful that the only one who could understand a word he said was a normal dog.

"Norbert?" The dog tilted his head to the side, puzzled.

The former human resisted the urge to set the dog on fire like he had all of his other sources of irritation. "Ka-ka-shi."

"Norbert."

"Your doing this on purpose aren't you?" Kakashi growled at Fang.

"Norbert." Woofed Fang.

Screw acting like a responsible mature adult. He had been turned into a baby dragon. He had to deal with the giant insisting that he was his 'mummy'. He didn't have his kami-damned Ichi-Ichi. Why couldn't he be called by his own name!

Kakashi set the bear on fire.

* * *

Kakashi yawned as he blinked open his eyes. That had been a nice napped.

"-nd him to live with his own kind. He'll be happier Hagrid." A old man was talking to the giant.

"But Dumbledore, sir, I'm tak'n good care of 'm. Can't I keep 'm." The giant was winying. Who where they talking about anyway?

The old man sighed. "Norbert's already caused fourteen fires this month, Hagrid. He's only a hatchling at the moment but at this rate he'll grow to be a bigger fire hazard then Mr. Malfoy is."

They were talking about him?

* * *

Romania.

* * *

"I wonder if Charles going to bring me more ramen." A Chinese Fireball mused as she lay sun bathing in her best. The dragon tamer had discovered her love for the stuff two years ago when a rookie tamer forgot the 'No Food In The Dragon Enclosures' rule. Ever since it had become the go to treat if anyone wanted to get Flare to do anything.

"Loser." A Common Welsh Green smirked as she cleaned her scales.

"I am not!" Flare snarled at the other dragon. "At least I'm not named after flowers, Flora-chan."

Flora looked up from her scales and narrowed her eyes at her rival. "Hn."

"Flora-chan, Flora-chan, Flora-chan." The Fireball sang.

"You shouldn't let her get to you." A Swedish Short Snout trotted over to the two other females. "She just angry that she doesn't have a d-"

"I'm gonna fucking murder you Sai!" Flare howled as she throw herself at the smaller dragon.

* * *

"What are you two doing?! Stop it right now!" A massive Hungarian Horntail roared at the two brawling dragons...well it was really more of Naruto trying to maul Sai, and Sai egging the Chinese Fireball on.

"But Sakura-chan-"

"Shut up and go back to your nest." The clear alpha dragon hissed, sending her teammate sulking back to his nest.

"And I haven't forgotten about you Sai." The Horntail whirled to face the slowly Short Snout. Only to find that he had vanished. "Damn it Sai! Don't run from me!"

* * *

"Girls I have somebody for you to meet." Charles called as he entered the enclosure. Normally with any other dragons he would never do that, but Sola, Flare, Flora, and Lissa were unusually docile and friendly with humans. Sola and Flare especially seemed to love having humans around.

"Ramen!" Flare howled as she ran towards the human her tail wagging like a dog behind her.

"Naruto go back to your nest." Hissed Sola. The Fireball wasn't out of the doghouse yet.

"But my ra-"

Sola's glare silenced the smaller dragon. "Then next time don't loose your temper."

"Fine Sakura-chan." Flare muttered as she slunk back to her nest.

Charles had reached the middle of the encloser by this point and Sola could see something in the tamers arms...was that a baby dragon?

"Yo." The baby dragon raised a claw in a mock salute. "Sorry I'm late I got lost on the path of life."

Sola jaw dropped. "Sensei!?"

* * *

The Fifth Hokage Hedwig

Episode 2: Drunk Animals

* * *

"Who know how to play poker?" Tsunade asked as she landed in the middle of the Owlery with a few dozen decks of playing cards.

"..." Silence.

"I'm gonna have to teach you then."

* * *

Two hours later...

"Pass the fire whisky!" Tsunade hooted.

"Here ya go missy." A very drunk greater sooty owls wobbled over with a bottle of achole in one of its claws. He wasn't the only one. Most of the Owlery was drinking and gambling, and with their small body size most were already very very drunk.

* * *

"Dude what is up with the Owls today?" Carl Miller muttered as yet another owl crashed into a table.

"They all got drunk playing poker last night." Luna hummed as she sat down next to her fellow Ravenclaw. "I don't think that the evil tree phoenix that's trying to built an owl army will be very happy about this..."

 _Danzo here to?_

"Who's Danzo Yurei-san?"

 _Never mind you do not need to know._

* * *

 **Originally this chapter was just going to be Kakashi's with a scene with Team 7 at the end but that scene was to short and felt...well lacking, sloppy, and lazy so I rewrote it and included Sai. I'm excluding it as a deleted scene though.**

 **In cannon all of the Triwizard dragons were female and thus all of team 7 minus Kakashi's are females now.**

 **What did you think of this chapter?**

 **Anyway I hope you enjoyed the chapter, the next ones going to be loaded with animal reincarnations. Feel free to suggest some, I might use them if I don't already have something planned. Plus there are tons of animals**

 **I haven't thought of yet that need reincarnations.**

 **I ALSO JUST SAW STAR WARS THE FORCE AWAKENS! ITS BLOODY PERFECT! ITS ALSO HILARIOUS! YET ITS SERIOUS TOO! RAY AND FYNN ARE AMAZING! THE VILLAIN IS WONDERFUL! THE ENTIRE THING WAS PERFECTLY POSSIBLE AND I ONLU FOUND ONE PLOT HOLE(which should be fixed in the next movie)! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! ITS MY NEW FAVORITE** **MOVIE!**

 **Ok, now that I've gotten that out of my system, enjoy the deleted scene.**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **And may the force be with you~**

* * *

Deleted Scene

* * *

"Teme! I'm gonna kill you!" A Chinese Fireball roared as she throw herself at the Common Welsh Green.

"Bring it on! Loser!" The Green howled at her rival.

"Break it up you two." Another dragon roared at her denmates. "The keepers are coming in."

"But Sakura-chan-" The Fireball began.

"No buts. Down now." The Hungarian Horntail hissed.

"Fine." The fireball muttered as she settled back down in her nest.

"Baka." The Green huffed as she too settled down in her own nest.

"You too Sasuke." Hissed the alpha dragon.

"Hn."

"The gates opening." The Horntails head snapped towards the gate and sniffed. "It's Charles...and someone else. Smells familiar..."

"Sola, Flare, Flora. I have some one for you to meet." Charles smiled as he jogged towards the three female dragons holding the baby male in his arms. "This is Norbert."

"...I guess it could have been worse. I could have been a girl..." Kakashi muttered as he stared at the three very female dragons who were very clearly his min...er students.


	24. Animals Of Hogwarts

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Animals Of Hogwarts**

* * *

 **In Which There Are To Many Animal Reincarnations**

* * *

Owls of ROOT

Episode 2: She Alway In My Way

* * *

"Why are you all hungover!" Danzo shrieked as he landed in the center of the Owlery.

A greater sooty winced, "Not so load Sir."

Danzo eyes narrowed dangerously,"Why are you hungover GS-001?"

The greater sooty shrugged, "Lady Tsunade was teaching us how to play poker, and you can't play that game sober. And my names Kevin."

Danzo 'eye brow' twitched. So this was Tsunade fault. She was the one who had reduced his perfect owl army into a drunken mess! The Slug Sanin was always getting in his way. "Never listen to that owl again, never play that game again, and never drink again!"

"Why would we do that? Poker and drinking is fun. We're thinking of having a poker night every Friday from now on." Kevin tilted his head to the side.

"Because you leader said so." Danzo growled.

Silence. All of the Owls stared at him blankly.

"Now my owl army who is your leader?" Danzo somehow managed to hiss through his beck.

"Lady Tsunade!"

"Miss Hedwig!"

"Hedwig!"

"Tsunade!"

"Lady Hedwig!"

"Miss Tsunade!"

"The Poker Queen!"

"Mr. Danzo." One owl by the name of Marvin hooted.

* * *

The Fifth Hokage Hedwig

Episode 3: Caffeine

* * *

"Harry is your owl drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, yeah?" Draco asked as he stared at the snowy.

"She's been drinking it for years and you just noticed?" Harry asked the other boy blankly.

Draco shook his head. "Owls shouldn't be drinking caffeine, yeah."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Tell that to Hedwig."

"You shouldn't be drinking that, yeah."

The snowy looked up slowly, fury burning in her eyes as she glared at the pyro and began hooting angry at him.

"Harry why to I feel as if she cursing at me, yeah?"

"She probably is."

* * *

Rapping Octopus

Episode 1: Underwater Rapping

* * *

My name's Killer Bee,

I'm the coolest squid there ever be.

I'm don't have the tails of eight,

I'm not octopus,

But no need to hate,

I'm still the amazing rapping Bee!

Come listen to me,

Come and see,

The one and only killa Bee!

A squid rapped to itself as it swam through the depth of the black lake while the merpeople hid at the bottom of the lake in a vain attempt to escape the squids atrocious rapping.

* * *

Reign of Tora

Episode 2: Madness: The Result of Oxogen Deprivation

* * *

"I will become the supreme ruler of this school...all will bow before me and offer me tuna." Crookshanks bursted into maniacal laughter on his dear mistress Hermione's bed. "Now come Mittens we must recruit the others to my cause."

"Yes, most supreme leader." Mittens meowed as he hopped of his owners bed and trailed after the massive orange cat. Oh how his pride was crushed, but he could never dare stand up to the demon cat of Konoha. A cat who had clearly been driven to madness by oxygen deprecation at some point.

* * *

Misses Noriss had been enjoying a quiet day of patrolling the hallways to catch students doing things they shouldn't when a giant orange cat and a small kitten blocked her path.

"Join my feline army!" The tom cat meowed puffing out his chest.

"Wha-" Misses Noriss started to ask only for the orange tom to cut her off.

"Mittens show her the plans."

"Right away your excellence!" Squeaked the kitten as it began rolling out sheets of paper.

"His most handsome and impressiveness has devised a most ingenious plan to crown the feline race the rightful rulers of the world and access to all the tuna that they most certainly deserve, as well as crown his most worthy of the crown beds the supreme and ultimate ruler of the universe." Mittens felt like such a brown nosing suck up at the moment. If it was anyone but the Demon Cat Tora...

"Not interested."

* * *

From Ino To Pigwidgeon

Episode 1: Naming

* * *

"I can't decided on a fucking name." Ron groaned as he stared at the owl in front of him. "Do you have any idea on what I should name this owl Jashin-sama?"

Not a clue~

"Thank you for offering your wisdom to me Jashin-sama." Ron thanked his God despite the fact that Jashin hadn't helped him with his problem in the least. Still in Rons mind the God might as well have just told him how to kill the entire planet in a day.

"What the fuck are you doing Ron?" Ginny asked as she took a seat next to her brother at the dinning room table.

"I'm trying to fucking name this damn owl."

"Pigwidgeon."

"Damn you." Ron said mistaking the name his sister suggested as a sneeze. Normal people said bless you, but a jashinist never blessed anyone.

"It's a name dipshit." Ginny hissed as she hit her brother hard on the head with her beaters bat.

"It's a bloody stupid one." Ron said as he punched his sister.

"Mum! Ron punched me!" Howled Ginny. A evil glint in her eyes as she began to cry fake tears. Their mother was half in denial about the youngest Weasley after she came back from reform school and had a slight bit of favoritism when it came to her daughter and Ginny knew it. Sure the ginger could just as well beat the shit out of her brother herself but Ron was terrified of their mother and it was far worse for him then a mere beating.

"Ronald Billius Weasley!" Molly's voice thunder thought the house.

"Shit." Ron muttered.

* * *

In the end the owl was named Pigwidgeon. The owls wasn't very pleased about the name of the number of times the owl had tried to maul Ron's face were any indication.

"I'm gonna ripe out your spleen!" Ino howled as she drive bombed the red head who had had the nerve to name her Pigwidgeon!

* * *

Yamato The Tree

Episode 1: Tree

* * *

Being a tree was nice.

It was peaceful.

It was a nice life till He came.

The blonde boy who kept burning him down.

That was not nice.

That was not peaceful.

The Wamping Willow was not happy.

Not at all.

Oh yes one day he would crush that boy.

* * *

Onoki The Eagle Owl

Episode 1: Animal Cruelty

* * *

To say that the Third Tsuchikage was please was a complete an utter lie. He was in hell. The reason: Deidara.

"Good job dodging my art Ceefor, yeah!" Yelled Draco as he cast yet another volley of bombs at the owl.

"This is animal cruelty damn it!" Hooted the former kage as he used all his skills in flying to avoid being blown to kingdom come. Onoki was to old for this.

* * *

 **And done.**

 **A chapter packed with animal reincarnations...and to be honest I had a few more that I almost added but I've decided to save for future chapters. I think Kankuro's up next folks (or Shikamaru haven't descided).**

 **I've been having a really hard time writing Orochimaru!Nagini. It just isn't coming to me no matter how long I sit in front of my phone and will it to. If anyone wants to write that episode feel free to pm it to me and I'll put it at the end of the chapter (you will be credited of course).**

 **Anyway I hope you all enjoyed it.**

 **Please review** **it really good motivation for me~**

 **KYR OUT~**


	25. The Exchanging Of Gifts

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **The Exchanging Of Gifts**

* * *

 **In Which Gifts Are Given & Chaos Is Caused**

* * *

"Happy Chrismas shitty artist, yeah." Draco smiled as he gave Harry his Chrismas present.

"Happy Chrismas shitty artist." Harry shot back at the blonde and he gave him his present. "Who's wants to go first?"

"Me, yeah." Draco laughed as he tore open his present and froze "The Art Of Magical Arson, yeah."

"I thought you'd enjoy it."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Draco broke out in fit of maniacal laughter. "Hahahahahahaha! Mawahahahamawahahaha!"

Harry rolled his eye as he turned to unwrap his present. "Lunatic. How To Create An Army Of Inferi For Dummies. He actually got me a decent present this year. That's new." A book on creating Inferi was way better then that book on the greatest fires of the last millennia. He should probably contact Colin about acquiring some bodies...

* * *

"Happy Christmas Hermione-chan!" Ron cried as he threw himself at the object of his affections.

"What is it Ron?" Hermione scowled as she dodged the flying hug.

"I got you a Christmas present! Open it! Open it!" Ron was practically jumping up and down as he shoved the poorly wrapped present in the girls face.

"Fine Ron I'll opened it." Hermione said as she took it from the future mass murderer. She sat down and carefully unwrapped it and promptly screamed. "What the bloody hell is this!?"

Ron was practically glowing with pride, "It's a Centaur's head. Mum told me I couldn't kill anyone, but some the context I think she meant 'don't kill humans' so I figured I'd be able to kill a centaur and bring you its head as a Chrismas present. I had to search the forest forever before I finally found one for you. A Dark Lady should have plenty heads mounted on her wall."

"Your insane. You don't just give people bloody severed heads for Chrismas!" Lavender yelled at the red head.

"Who the fuck asked you?" Ron snarled at Lavender. "Nobody."

Lavenders eyes blazed with fury. "Why you lit-"

"Lavender can I talk to you for a second?" Hermione cut her friend off as she dragged the other girl to the other side of the room. "Lavender I know you mean well but you are not helping."

"Bu-"

"Lavender." Hermione said, cutting her off. "Ron's nuttier then a squirrel. He won't listen to reason, he only listen if you rephrase everything to fit into his fantasy world!"

"He belongs in Saint Mungo's!"

"I know that but I doubt he's going there any time soon, just let me handle this ok?"

Lavender looked away and nodded. "Fine."

* * *

A mad grin was plastered on Draco face as he pointed his wand at the Whomping Willow. "Fiendfyre, yeah!"

The willow was consumed in magical flames, burning till nothing remained but ashes. "Now this is art, yeah." Draco whispered as he watched the fire take the from of a serpent and turn the willow into dust. It was absolutely beautiful. It was the most beautiful piece of art he had ever made: an uncontrollable, an unstoppable blaze of fire.

"Mr. Malfoy what are you doing!" The deputy headmistress shrieked as she grabbed the blonde and dragged him away from the fire. Minerva thanked her lucky stars that she had been going to visit Hagrid. "Aquamenti!"

"I think I have a new favorite spell Professor, yeah." Draco smile as he watched the magical Fiendfrye Flames vaporize the Aquamenti spell. Fiendfrye definity beat Incendio.

"Merlin help us."

* * *

"Colin, get your shovel, I need you to help me dig up some bodies."

Colin had a shovel in his hands faster then one could say 'minion.' "Are we going to be making them into puppets?"

Harry shook his head. "Not today. We're going to turn them into Inferi."

"What are Inferi?"

A evil smirk. "Come on I'll show you."

* * *

"Those are Inferi." Harry said as he sat down next to his minion slash student on the roof of the clock tower.

Colin practically had stars in his eyes as he watched the chaos unfold below."They're so cool."

"I know. Popcorn?" Harry nodded before offering the younger boy some of his popcorn. It was a pity that they'd have to get ride of all the Inferi later in order to hid the evidence of their criminal activity, but he could alway make more later.

"Yes, thank you."

* * *

The small muggle town of Broomringdon would next know what truly happened that night. They only knew that that night every one in the town had the same nightmare of the living dead doing acrobatic and other circus acts in the town square.

* * *

 **The Lazy Cloud**

 **Episode 1: The Cloud That Keeps Attempting Murder**

* * *

Shikamaru enjoyed his peaceful cloudy existence, just doing nothing as he floated through the sky. It was a slackers dream come true. He never had to do anything.

Well he did do something when it was storming. He'd see if the little bastard that was Hidan's incarnation was outside. If that murder was outside Shikamaru would do his damn best to smite him with lightning. The cloud had yet to succeed in killing that piece of hellspawn, but he had sent the kid to the infirmary twice. It was only a matter of time before that kid dropped dead.

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"I missed you so much Hermione-chan!" Ron smiled as he tightly hugged the 'Future Dark Lady.' "You have no idea what it's like being stuck with these people! Their not fun at all! They won't even let me have that Iron Maiden I found in the basement!"

To her credit Hermione didn't loose her temper right then and there. She had learn a lot about how to deal with Ron last year and one of those things was that if she wanted him to do something it was best that she told him directly and clearly...and by that she meant rewording it to fit into the fantasy world that the red head seems to live in. "Ron it's not good for a Dark Lady's image if she's seen being hugged."

Ron's eyes widened in horror and he imediditly released her.

* * *

"It's so nice to finally meet Ron's girlfriend." Molly squealed as she gave Hermione a bone crushing imbrace.

"C-can't b-breath."

"Let fucking go of Hermione-chan Mum!" Ron screamed as he tried to pry his mother arms off of the 'Future Dark Lady.'"She can't be seen being fucking hugged! It will ruined her damn image!"

Molly released Hermione and turned to her son. What had she told him about swearing like that? Molly just wouldn't stand for it. "Ronald Billius Weasley I will not have that kind of language in my house."

Ron rolled his eyes."It's not your fucking house it that Sirius Guy's house."

Molly's wand was in her hand in an instant. "Soapus Cleanum Tongueis!"

"Muff!" Ron tried to yell as soapy bubble filled his mother.

Hermione just stared scene in front of her. All the Weasley were crazy weren't they? Everyone knew that Ron was kookier then a kookaburra and Ginny was violent blood thirsty sadist. The older Weasleys were sane compared to their younger siblings, but no one would argue that George and Fred both had several screws loose and Percy was obsessive when it came to being sane, orderly, and normal. Hermione could feel her fingers itching for some paper to fold and she had a very bad feeling that she didn't bring enough paper to last her the trip.

"Now Hermione dear are you hungry? I just made dinner." Molly turned and smiled at her son 'girlfriend.'

Yes. Hermione would definily need more paper.

* * *

 **I intended to post this on Chrismas but I didn't finish it in time.**

 **I had a hard time writing Lavender. So I doubt she's in charater so just think of her as a random reincarnation of a unnamed unimportant ninja to explain her OOCness.**

 **Has anyone noticed that I haven't been having Ron swear when he's talking directly to Hermione-chan?**

 **What do you all think about Hermione and Rons relationships dynamics? Anything you think I should change to make it all the more hilarious?**

 **Anyway the extra at the end was what I originally going to write this chapter on, Hermione and Ron at the Order of the Phinoiox with Hermione meting the Weasley Famiky. Then I realized I wanted to do a Chismas chapter and shelved the idea, I'll finish it eDventually.**

 **Please review it really modivates me to write, and post more and more chapters.**

 **Also please give me chapter suggestions. My muse has been trying to side track me into writings Star Wars story (Have Luke doe as a child and force ghost stalk his father.) so please give me some! It will help me respark my muse. It's really hard writing without her.**

 **Happy Holidays everyone.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	26. Getting A Date For A Ball

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Getting A Date For A Ball**

* * *

 **Part 1**

* * *

 **In Which Dates Are Acquired In Various Ways & Ron Has A Chainsaw**

* * *

"Hermione-chan go to the ball with me!"

"No." Hermione turned him down. She had been trying to avoid the redhead ever since the ball had been announced. Mainly because she didn't want to deal with his crazy attempts to woe her.

"Why the fu-" Ron caught himself mid sentence, he had almost cursed at Hermione-chan. "Why not?"

"Because I already have a date Ron."

It took a few seconds for the Jashinist to process the 'Dark Lady's' words. "...Who's your date?"

"None of your business."

Ron's expression darken as Hermione walked away. "Jashin-sama."

 _What is it Ron?_

"I'm going to fucking murder the motherfucker who had the fucking nerve to asked my Hermione-chan to the ball." Ron growled as he marched up the stairs to his dorm room. All the tools he'd need where under his bed. "No, just bloody killing him would be to lenient. I'm going to (graphic description of torture, disembowlment, casteration, and skinning censored to avoid M rating)."

 _I approve, but damn. Even Hidan never though of skinning his victims alive and covering them in salt._

"Who then fuck is Hidan Jashin-sama?"

 _Hidan was one of my greatest and most loyal followers. You remind me of him kid._

"Thank you for your praise Jashin-sama!"

 _Great now go track down that fucker!_

* * *

"Nevile Longbottom?"

"Yes?" Said Nevile as he turned around to find the source of the voice only to come face to face with Ginny Weasley.

"Your taking me to the Yule Ball." The third year girl told the fourth, leaving no room for argument. "I expect a bouquet of roses, and a box of honey duke dark chocolate."

"Bu-" Nevile started.

Ginny didn't let him finish. "You'll wait for me outside of our common room at exactly 8 and you will spend the rest of the night dancing with me. I see you then...and you better not disappoint me, I know where you sleep." And with that Ginny walked away. She had her date to the ball and that was that.

"What just happened?" Nevile asked as he stared at the spot where his...date had just been standing.

* * *

"Will you be my date for the ball?" Lavender asked as she took a seat next to The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry didn't even bother to look up as he shot her down. He wasn't planning on attending. "Not interested."

That was ok, Lavender had expect that."I'll pay you."

"Fifty gallons."

"Done."

* * *

Ron had been going though his vast collection of blades to find just the right ones to make the prick who'd asked his Hermione-chan out when a horrible thought stuck him. He froze and swore. "Oh fuck."

 _What is it Ron? Did you misplace chainsaw?_

"Jashin-sama...I can't kill that motherfucking prick." Ron whispered in horror.

 _Your shitting me?_

"Mum."

 _Damn. Good point that women is scary. What about just torturing the fucker?_

The redhead paused to think it over for a moment. "I think that would fucking work. Thank you for sharing your wistom with me Jashin-sama."

 _No problem kid. Now where that chainsaw?_

* * *

Draco walked up to the Ravenclaw and asked her out. "Luna wanna be my date, yeah?"

 _What the fuck?_

"I'd love to Mr. Pryo Artist." Luna smiled. She hadn't thought anyone would ask her to the ball. "Also Yurei-San you shouldn't swear. It's becoming a habit."

"Great, yeah." Draco clapped his hands together, ignoring the other blondes habit of talking to herself. He wasn't exactly right in the head ether so he didn't have room to talk. "Now I have to ask you out in a cooler way then Harry did, yeah."

Luna tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Didn't you just ask me out?"

"Yeah but Harry asked Lavender out the normal way and I have to beat him, yeah." Draco nodded. "I already have a better date so I just have to ask you out in a cooler way, yeah"

"That makes sense." Luna nodded. "But I don't think that they're a very good match Harry and Lavender...the nargles will mess with their heads."

 _He's not a good match for you ether Luna!_

"I think Lavender payed him to be her date, yeah." The pyro shrugged. "She's be the center of attention as a champions date, yeah."

"That explains it and Yurei-san stop being so negative. Are there going to be fireworks?"

Draco stared at his date blankly. "What are fireworks, yeah?"

 _Dear Kami have mercy and kill me now._

Luna giggled as she launched into an explain of pyrotechnics. "Fireworks are..."

* * *

"Victor Krum...I'm really really fucking tempted to just say fuck it and kill you right now." Ron smiled, reving the chainsaw as he stood over the bound body of the Quitdich star. "...but your life is not fucking worth dealing with my damn mother so I'm just going to torture you a little bit."

"Mmph!" Victor's words were muffled by his gag. The red head was nuts. He was a crazy homicidal whack job. How was he going to get out of this mess?

Ron frowned slightly "I don't fucking like the gag ether _buddy_ , I don't get to fucking hear your damn screams, but I can't fucking allow anyone to fucking hear you."

"Mmphmpheemho."

"No can fucking do." The smile was back on Rons face. "You still need to fucking pay for asking Hermione-chan to the fucking ball."

"Mmph!"

* * *

Team of Dragons

Episode 1: Ramen!

* * *

"Give me ramen! I know you have it!" The Fireball howled as she chased the poor sap who happened to have the great idea to eat ramen in a dragon incloser. He was not the sharpest kunai in the pouch.

* * *

 **I decided to write this chapter in two parts with each chapter around 1k each. Part two will be up soon. I intended to focus on Draco more this chapter but Ron kinda stole the spot light, he's just such a fun charater to write. Seriously he and Draco are about tied in how much fun I have writing them. Anyway the next chapter will focus more on Draco at the ball and his new knowledge of pyrotechnics. I've settle on Iruka reincarnation being an OC upper class men. He'll be in the next chapter was well. Luna will also be appearing more, I want to develope her relationship with Draco and torture Itachi.**

 **Anyway I got my muse back, she's now pestering me to write a Case Closed/Detective Conan story but she's focused on Exposive Dragon again.**

 **Please review! It's a really good motivator for me!**

 **KYR OUT~**


	27. A Date For A Ball

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Getting A Date For A Ball**

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

 **In Which**

* * *

"Hello Harry." Lavender curtseyed to the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Hello Lavender." Harry returned the greetings and held out his hand.

"Heres twenty-five gallons." The Griffondor girl smiled as she dropped a bag of gold into the Saviors open hand. "You'll get the other twenty-five after you've filled your part of the deal."

"..." Harry raised an eyebrow at Lavender as if to say: Where the rest of my money buster?

"What you don't honestly expect me to be so stupid as to just expect you to stick around after the first dance?" Shrugged Lavender as she smirked at her date. "I may be shallow but I'm not an idiot."

* * *

 _It's not late to decided you don't like him and not go to the ball Luna._

"Yurei-san your being unusually negative lately." Luna shook her head at the voice in her head. "Why don't you like Draco? Do you have something against me going on a date with him?"

 _Other then the fact he's a bat shit insane pyromaniac with homicidal tendencies? A lot actually._

"Yurei-san." Luna said in suddenly serious voice. "I know that your just trying to look after me but this is just a date. I am not dating or marrying him."

 _Thank Kami._

The blondes eyes lit up. "Oh. I get it now."

 _You do? And you won't go on a date with Him?_

The Ravenclaw grinned. "Your jealous Yurei-san."

 _What?_

"Your afraid that I'll start paying more attention to Draco then you, silly." Luna shook her head at the idea. She could never replace Yurei-san. He was like the big brother she never had. "And that he'll replace you."

 _Not really I-_

"You don't have to worry about that Yurei-san. I'd never replace you."

"Hey Luna, yeah!" A painfully familiar voice called out.

 _Why Kami why Him?_

* * *

Ron waved at the brunette as ran up to her. "Hey! Hermione-chan since your date stood you up want to go with me inste-"

"Ron." Hermione said slowly. "What did you do to Victor?"

"What do you mean Hermione-chan?" The Jashinist asked rather nervously.

 _Looks like she on to you Ron._

Ron resisted the urge to snap at The All Mighty God Of Pain And Suffering The Great Jashin-sama. He already knew that but he could never speak with such disrespect to his one and only God. Plus he had other matters at hand, namely getting a date with a Dark Lady. "He's clearly stood you up."

Said 'Dark Witch' glared at the insane Griffindor. "Ronald Weasley, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Of course not Hermione-chan!" Ron's eyes filled with horror at the very idea. "A Dark Lady can't be anything short of a genius!"

"Then answer the question." Hermione growled. "What did you do to my date?"

"I made him regret ever talking to you." The Jashinist muttered under his breath. He might as well fess up. "He doesn't deserve someone as great and evil as the leader of SPEW"

Hermione ordered darkly. "Tell me you didn't kill him."

"Of course not Hermione-chan!" Ron shook his head. "Mum would skin me alive! Plus you said no one could know about SPEW. People would find out if I offed a champion too."

"..." Why did she do to deserve this? Was this what celebrity's with an insane stalker felt like?

"So can I be your date?"

"No."

"But Hermioen-chan." Ron whined.

"No."

* * *

"Nathan! I need more dango over here!" Tonks called as she finished her last stick of sweet dumplings.

Nathaned sighed. "I'll go get some more for you."

"Thanks!" The Hufflepuff hummed as she carefully took aim at the Defense Teacher with her clean dingo stick and let it fly.

"Ouch!" Madeye Moody grabbed the back of his head in pain. "Who did that?!"

"Oh yeah! Bullseye!" Tonks cheered. "Constant vigilance my ass!"

"Maybe you should lay off the butter beer Tonks." Nathan frowned at his girl friends behavior. She could be pretty crazy when sober but when she was drunk she could become a complete psychopath rivaling that Giffondor fourth year with red hair.

"No way." Tonks snorted. "I'm totally fine."

Nathan raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Your hairs turning green."

The Hufflepuff grinned as she turned her hair bright neon pink. "No it's not. It's gum bubble."

"Bubblegum." Nathan corrected his date.

"Just go get me my dango!"

"Why am I dating her again?" Nathan muttered. Seriously Tonks was the scariest person he knew, even Proffessor Snape seemed like a kitten compared to Tonks in one of her moods. His girlfriend was insane, so why was he so in love with her?

"What did you say Nathan?" Tonks asked in a sickly sweet, yet dark and threatening voice.

"That your beautiful and I'm the luckiest guy in the world?"

"..."

"...I'll go get your Dango."

* * *

"I can't believe you manage to get these, yeah." Draco grinned madly as he gazed almost lovingly at the fireworks Luna had brought. "This is going to be awesome, yeah."

"Thank you." Luna smiled at the compliment. "I had to pay a few people off to get them."

"Who, yeah? None of my sources couldn't get their hands in these, yeah." The blonde turned to his date in interest. "Well there was that on guy who could be apparently he didn't trust me with them, yeah. He said I'd blow the world up, yeah."

"I trust you not to Draco."

 _Why the hell do you trust him?! He's_ _an insane manic with_ _a fetish for arson!_

"Yurei-san swearing is becoming a habit. I'm serious about this." Luna scolded the voice in her head before turning her attention back to her date. "I know you won't blow the world up because if you blow everything up there will be nothing left to turn into your art."

 _It is no becoming a habit!_

"Your in denial Yurei-san." Luna sighed.

 _I am not._

"Are too."

 _I am not._

"Are too."

 _I am not and I will not_ _participate in this childish game of yours._

"Denial." Sang Luna.

"You want to just light these, yeah?" Draco asked as he offered the girl a match.

"Sure."

 _Dear Kami he's corrupting her. He's infecting her his pyromania._

"Don't be over dramatic Yurei-san."

 _I'm not Luna. I'm not._

* * *

Fleur wanted nothing more then to stamp on her dates foot as she sulked in the corner, a dark and foreboding aura surrounding her enough to keep people from approaching the quarter-veela. How dare he ogle at the other girls when on a date with her. He was her date dammit!

"A-are you ok m-miss?" A quiet voice squeaked behind her.

The Tri-Wizard champion turned to see who had spoken to her. It was a young Griffindor boy who appeared to be a first year. Weren't only fourth year, third years with a date with an older student, and up allowed to the ball?

The boy twitched and stuttered nervously under the veela unblinking stare. "Um...M-miss could y-you please n-not stare a-at me l-like that? I-it's making m-me uncomfortable."

Fleur blinked remembering the question before shaking her head irritably. "No I'm not. My date had the nerve to ogle at some other girl's as-" The veela caught, remembering that the boy in front of her looked around eleven. "If I wasn't good enough." Good save, Fleur mentally patted her self on the back.

"That's awful!" The boy exclaimed. "Your so pretty and nice."

"I know it is." Fleur smiled at the praise. Maybe she would be able to find a husband after all. It didn't matter that some loser didn't appreciated her. That reminded her. "And what is a first year doing here anyway?"

"Eh!" The boy suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "A w-well I-I'm-"

"It's ok I'm not going to get you in trouble." The Triwizard champion tried to calm down the first year. "I'm just curious. So could you please tell me?"

The boy blushed. "W-well my brothers in third y-year and I-I wanted to m-make sure he didn't g-get into any t-trouble."

"How sweet of you, looking after you brother like that."

"Thank you miss!" The boy grinned sheepishly his blush deepening.

"I just realized I don't know your name." This time it was Fleur who was the blushing.

"I-it's Dennis, Dennis Creevey."

"And my names Fleur Delacour."

And that is how Chōjuro became the devoted minion of The Fifth Mizukage, Mei Terumi once more

* * *

"Hello are you Rita Skeeter, yeah?" Draco asked, slightly bowing politely to women. This was going to be sweet.

Rita's eyes sparkled as she laid eyes on the Malfoy heir, she could smell a story. "Yes I am, and your Draco Malfoy?"

"I am, yeah."

"How are you doing?" The reporter launched into her interagation. "Are you still fighting your weed addiction?"

The blonde resisted the urge to growl at the reporter. He was not a Vulcan damn drug addict. He had to keep his eyes on the prize: Payback. "I've been two months now, yeah." Draco plastered a fake smile onto his face as h played ago. Payback would be worth it. "But we're not here to talk about me, yeah. I have a story you may be interested in, yeah."

"Really?"

Draco nodded. "My good friend Harry Potter heard about the muggle Japanese dating for pay business and is now accepting clients, yeah."

"I'd heard of it." Rita had it gold with this story, she just knew it. "Highschool girls going on date with older men. Is the Boy-Who-Lived really doing this?"

"Totally, yeah. See the girl he's with right now, yeah." The pyro resisted the urge to smirk as he pointed to Lavender. "She paid him fifty gallons to take her to the ball as his date, yeah."

"Details, details?"

"Well Harry wanted me to ask you to write a story premoting it, yeah. You know to let everyone know what he's doing and how to contact him to buy a date, yeah?" Take that Harry. Next time he should think twice before spreading storys about Draco. After all if you play with fire and are not Draco-The-Bat-Shit-Insane-Pryomanic-With-Homocidal-Tendencies-Malfoy you will get burned.

* * *

 **The Spider**

 **Episode 1: Run Spider Run**

* * *

Kankuro ran liked a mad spider as he did everything he could to avoid the spells that the Slyherin student threw at him. What did he ever do to deserve this? If he had been anything but a spider he could have kicked that bastard ass!

* * *

 **What do you think of the new cover I drew for Explosive Dragon?**

 **I had lots of fun drawing it, and it turned out better then I thought it would. I've never draw anything on fire before and the flames turn out great. My only disappointment was due to the black of Draco's outfit I wasn't able to have him holding the lighter as I wanted him to...his arm blended into the rest of the outfit it looked really strange. The cover was also what inspired the extra.**

 **Sorry for the wait but at the moment I'm writing this authors note I haven't finished this chapter yet, I still have a few scenes to write and I'm already at 1,789 words...Ill be well over 2k words by the time this chapters done. This is shaping up to be the longest chapter yet.**

 **Im sorry it's taken so long to update but Midterms are coming up and I have a lot of work to do in real life. I'm writing when ever I get the chance but I have a lot on my plate. Update might slow down but I'll try to make chapters in the 1,500 to 2,500 word trance to make up for that.**

 **I'm writing this from the bus on the way to school and it's freezing! It'd literally around 19 degrees so it's below freezing! My fingers went from normal to numb on my short walk to the bus...seriously I'm freezing right now. I'm amazed that it has yet to snow this year.**

 **Fleur and Dennis are the reincarnations of Mei(The Fifth Mizukage) & Chōjūrō her bodyguard. Tonk's the reincarnation of Anko, the purple haired insane proctor from the second phase of the chunin exams and Orochimaru's former apprentice, as to way she's in hufflepuff well lets just say she threatened the hat with some very creative methods of hat toruture to avoid slytherin. Nathan is obviously Iruka and unfortanty I didn't have enough time or space to give him to much scene time, but he'll get it in the future.. You know I've always had a strange habit of mentally pair them together.**

 **I got a few requests for Fleur to be Kushina reincarnation last chapter, but I had already dedecided on that a while ago. Ive also gotten some for Sirius and Kisame but just so that you all know Sirius is Kisame reincarnation. Loyality and all. I haven't gotten around to writing a chapter for Kisame!Sirius yet(Theres a lot I still haven't gotten to yet.). I will eventually.**

 **I stilly really liked the idea of a Fleur!Kushina but it was not to be. I love the idea of including Kushina so if anyone wants to give me ideas let me have them.**

 **Please review its such wonderful motivation for me!**

 **Its what helps me find time to write despite the approaching midterms.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	28. Rita Strikes Again

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Rita Strikes Again**

* * *

 **In Which Siblings Swear & Ron Makes A Deal**

* * *

Ron plopped himself down across from Griffondors resident pryomanic. "Draco as fellow crazies as Hermione-chan calls us I have a fucking proposition for you."

"I'm listening, yeah." The blonde looked up from his breakfast with interest. Draco rarely interact with the redhead, but he knew the other boy was madder then the mad hatter and was obsessed with the houses resident bookworm. He was also into voodoo if the rumors were to be believed.

"Well in the fucking event that I am ever forced to leave the damn school or fucking any criminal charges are levied against me for fucking anything I may have fucking done to Victor Krum I want you to fucking kill him." Ron was rather blunt in his request for one student to murder another. "Specificity I fucking want you to slowly cook him alive while covering him in salt before feeding him to the fuckin thresals. I'll fucking pay you five damn gallons."

"Your twisted as fuck you know, yeah?" A grin smeared itself across Draco face. This was interesting. He liked Ron already. "But I like the way you think, yeah. It's a deal, yeah."

"Good. Here's your fucking money." The red head handed the blonde the five golden coins.

"Just one question, yeah." Draco smiled.

"Fucking what?"

"What the hell did you do to Victor, yeah?" There had to be a good story there and Draco was bored. This was the most interesting thing to happen this morning.

"I plead the fucking Fifth."

"We not American, yeah."

Ron snorted. "So fucking what?"

* * *

The Boy-Who-Lived Compensated Dating

By Rita Skeeter

* * *

 _Ladies do you want a date with the Boy-Who-Lived? Well now you can have one for only fifty gallons a date. How is this possible my dear readers you ask? Well Harry Potter is now in the business of gyaku-enjo-kōsai or in our language: Compensated dating._

 _Now before we get into the detail let me explain to you all what gyaku-enjo-kōsai is._ _The practice of compensated dating is when one pays another with gifts or money to go on a date with them. These dates could be anything from dinner, a quiditch game or day at Daigon alley and it is not illegal as it does not go further then that._

 _The Boy-Who-Lived accepted his first client, Lavender Brown yesterday and took her to the Yule Ball. It appeared that the girl had the time of her life, definitely worth that fifty gallons. So let's all help support the Boy-Who-Lived's business and have fun while we're at it. There are no restriction ether so anyone can buy an afternoon with our Savior. To contact him about the date..._

* * *

"Draco going to pay for this." Harry darkly growled as he stormed down the hallway towards the Griffondor Tower.

"Should I get the shovel?" Colin asked as he skerried after the murderious fourth year. Usually when Harry got that look on his face someone or something was gonna die and Colin would happy clean up the evidence.

The boy who lived shook his head. "No need Colin. There are times when you kill your foes and there are times when you make them suffer."

Sensing that his teacher was about to give him some valuable advice Colin pulled out a notebook and pen. "How do you know which to do?"

"Well Colin, when death is not a enough of a punishment then you can ether torture them before giving them a slow painful death via poison or kill all of their loved ones and leave them with survivors guilt." Harry's expression grew darker of that was even possible. "But there are others who you can't kill. There are people who it's to much of a pain to cover up the crime or you might need them later. In those cases it's best to use other tactics."

* * *

Victor had spent the last week in the Hogwarts Medical Wing recovering from an attack of a malfunctioning magical chainsaw. It was widely know that mixing magic and muggle items never ended well so everyone bought the story. It wasn't like the Durmstrang Champion was in any hurry to correct them.

"I might not fucking be able to fuck'in kill you, but if you tell fucking anyone I know a guy who has no fucking problem slowly cooking you fucking alive before fucking feeding you to the damn threasels and they fucking like their meat salty."

The chainsaw manic's threats were certainly enough incentive to keep his mouth shut. He had asked around and it turned out there was a pyro in the same year and house as the demon that had attacked him. Draco 'The-Batshit-Insane-Pyro' Malfoy was know for the plethora of fires he had set around the school and the growing number of explosions. That red haired thing scared Victor more then any crazed Quiditch fan ever had...would be quiditch motivated assassins included.

Victor shuddered. Some of those fanatics had gone to some disturbing lengths in their attempts to ether kill him or steal his stuff. The prospect of someone worse out there was terrifying. At least the red devil would be here in England when Victor returned home. He'd never return to this country for the rest of his life. For a moment he wondered wether or not he should tell Hermione about the demon boys obsession with her, but decided against it.

She probably already knew.

...And that demon spawn had told him that if he so much as talked to the girl he'd skin him (and keep him alive) and give Victors skin to her to wear as a coat.

* * *

Nathan had been in the middle of a perfectly normal day. He had been on the way to help Professor Sprout grade her students Herblogy homework. Sure it may have been a long and tedious way to spend his weekend, but if he wanted to be a teacher after graduating the Hufflepuff wanted all the experience he could get. So it was a perfectly normal day for him until he spot the two siblings swearing at each other in the middle of the hallway.

"-ll then fuck you Dennis! Your dead to me you filthy traitor!"

"Hell yeah!" The younger brother shouted back. "I don't want a creepy as fuck brother who's an obsessed stalker as a brother anyway!"

The teachers aid closed his eyes and took a deep breath of air. He could do this he could go over there and diffuse this. Nathan opened his eyes and walked over to the two arguing siblings. "What are you two fighting about?"

"Denniswon'thelpmeorganizeacheersquadforHarry!"

"ColinwontletmemakeFleur-samabanners!"

Nathan didn't understand a word out of ether of his underclassmen's mouths. He held up a hand. "One at a time and slow down I can't understand a word your saying." The Hufflepuff turned to the older sibling. "Colin right?"

The boy nodded.

"Why are you having a shouting match with your brother in the middle of the hallway?"

"Dennis was supposed to help me organize a cheer squad for Harry." The third year scowled at his brother. "But now he won't help me. He's supporting Fleur Delacour the Beauxbaton's champion instead of Harry! He's a traitor!"

"Am not!" Dennis protested.

Colin rolled his eye. "Are too!"

"Am not!" Dennis shock his head. "Your just a obsessed creepy fanboy!"

"Are too!" Colin growled. "And I'm not a fanboy! I'm a loyal student!"

"BE QUIET!" Nathan had had enough of this. "Colin your brother can support who he wants to and Dennis don't call your brother names."

"But-" The boys tried to protest.

"Just get along or I'll tell Gregory and Vincent that your being unYouthful." The reincarnated chunin threatened.

The two Griffindors glanced at each other and for the first time that day they were in complete agreement. "We'll behave."

* * *

"Even if we are not going to compete let us fan the fires of Youth and train for the Second Task!" Proclaimed the older fourth year boy as he went though his morning training regime: Weight lifting 1 ton weights in hands ands.

"Yosh!" Vincent would have fist pumped had it not been for the half ton weights in each of his hands. "Let us scale the tallest Hogwart with only our arms!

"What a Youthful idea! We will climb that tower with only our arms and the power of our Youth and we will reach the top before the sun has set!" Gregory grinned approvingly, flashing the other wizard a signature smile of youth (flash version). "Or else we will do it again with only our teeth!"

"And if we fail again we'll...we'll..." Vincent stumbled for a moment what would make climbing the Astrology Tower even harder and more Youthful? "We will Youthfully do it again carrying a half ton weight!"

Tears of joy flooded Gregory's eyes and streamed down his face as he dropped his training weights. "Vincent!"

"Gregory!"

"Vincent!"

"Gregory!" Vincent cried as he and Gregory embraced in a Bro Hug of the Sunset of Youth. The image of a sunset appearing behind them.

* * *

 **Team of Dragons**

* * *

 **Episode 2: The Second Time Naruto Met His Mother**

* * *

Sniff. Sniff.

Gabrielle nose twitched as they smelt a heavenly aroma coming from the Forbidden Forest. The blonde could feel tears gathering in her eyes from utter happiness. What could possible smell so good? It was as if she was smelling the food of the gods! She had to have it!

"Gabrielle!" Fleur eye widen as she spotted her sister climbing out of a window. "What are you doing!?"

"I'm off to find the food of the gods!" The blonde grinned at her older sister before jumping out of the window. "Dattebane!"

"...Did that girl just jump out of the window?" Hermione muttered to herself, stunned at what she had just witnessed.

"Aren't you supposed to fuck'n say geronimo when you jump out of fucking windows?" Ron rolled his eyes as he continued to follow the 'Future Dark Lady' to Charms.

"We-I need to get a professor!" The Griffondor bookworm shrieked as her mind finished processing the fact that, yes a girl had just jumped out of a window. She also realized that a certain Weasley was following her again. "And leave me alone I still haven't forgiven you for sabotaging my date!"

"Come on Hermione-chan! He wasn't worthy!"

* * *

Bob the dragon tamer had been enjoying his lunch break when he was tackled by a small blue monster.

"Where is it!?" Gabrielle hissed doing a spot on Golem impression as she pinned the fully grown wizard to the ground. "Where are you keeping my precious?!"

"G-get offa me!" The Dragon Tamer shouted as he tried to pry the crazy blonde off of him to no avail.

"I ask you where your keeping my precarious!" The French girl growled darkly as she stamped down hard on the man family jewels. "So tell me were it is?"

"P-please." Bob moaned. "K-kill me now."

"Fine me that way." Gabrielle huffed. "I'll have to mak-"

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

She could smell it! That heavenly scent! The blonde veela released her victim and bolted off towards the heavenly aroma.

* * *

Flare was feasting on the twelve giant dragon sized bowls of ramen that the dragon handlers had used to buy her cooperation for the first task. The Chinese Fireball was in heaven. In her past life she would have have been able to swim in the ramen. It was utter bliss. She got to savor all of the ramen that she wouldn't not other wise get to have. Usually they only gave her a bowl...meanies.

Flare had been about to take another massive bite of the food of the gods when a blue blur did a cannon ball into her bowl of ramen.

"Mhy prrheshos! Dadthabahe" A small blonde human girl grinned as she resurfaced. Her mouth filed with noodles.

Flare stared at the little girl in a mixture of shock and joy. "Mom?" She might have only met her mother once but Flare recnized her in an instant. That verbal tick, that love of ramen! Flare almost started crying.

* * *

 **Well it's been longer then I'd thought it be. I've been swamped in preparing for the midterm and haven't had much time to write but I managed to get this chapter done. I've been working really hard in Goverment and Economics, I'm doing everything possible to prepare for that, I want to keep my near (lost one point on a test first quarter)flawless grade in that class. Wish me luck. Anyway this chapter is over 2k words long. So that should make up for the wait.**

 **I'm still trying to decide who Victors the reincarnation of. So any suggestions are welcome on that.**

 **And do any of you have ideas of what Harry revenge on Draco will be? I have a plan but if one of you can give me a better idea I'll use it.**

 **What did you all think of Colin and Dennis interaction? Should I have more with them interfering with the others worship of their idols?**

 **And what about Kushina!Gabrielle and Naruto!Flare do you want to see more of that or should I have Luna met Sasuke!Flora?**

 **Please review it really does help me get the motivation to find the time to write these chapters dispite how busy I am with school. They mean a lot to me and thank you to all of you that review.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	29. Return of the Flash

**I** **own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Return of the Flash**

* * *

 **In Which Astro & Minato Get Pets & Spend A Day At The Alley**

* * *

"So see anything you want?"

 _'Not really, but can we go look at the cats?'_ Astro hummed happily. _'I really want one.'_

"Sure." Minato shrugged lazy as he walked further into the wizarding pet shop, "But I'm getting a toad."

 _'Fine by me, mum gave us enough to buy a Pegasus, but why would you want a toad anyway Nii-chan? Toads are such lame pets.'_

"Toads are not lame. Toads are awesome." Minato protested his 'little brother's' remark as well as earning himself a number of looks.

 _'Yeah they are Aniki. Why do you think they went out of fashion years ago?'_ Astro snickered. He never got why his brother found the animal so amazing.

Minato frowned. "That's irrelevant." Just because these people couldn't see how cool toad were didn't mean that toads were any less awesome.

 _'Look Kneazles!'_ Astro squeal in excitement as he spotted the magical felines. _'Switch with me!'_

"Fine, but can you keep it down?" The blonde winced as he handed over control of their body to Astro. _'Do you want to make me go deaf?'_

"Ah sorry Nii-chan." Astro apologized sheepishly

* * *

"Damn you Minato!" Gamabunta some how managed to growl as he watched the former Hokage leave the pet store."You took the wrong toad! Come back here brat!"

* * *

"I can't believe you really got a toad Nii-chan." Astro pouted as he and their two new pets entered the only Icecream shop in the Alley. "Well I can believe it but still Nii-chan we'll be the laughing stock of the whole school."

 _'We won't be the laughing stock of the school, and be nice to Gamabunta. He's sensitive.'_

"Toads don't have feelings." Astro muttered as he got into line. "And Aniki that's a really lame name."

 _'They do have feelings.' The former Hokage defended his former summons. 'And he just looks like a Gamabunta.'_

"It's still a-"

Minato cut his 'brother' off. _'You wanted to name Melanie Mittens so I don't think you have any room to talk.'_

"Fine. Whatever." Astro rolled his eyes as he approached the front of the line. "What kinda of ice cream do you want?"

 _'Vanilla.'_

"I want a scoop of strawberry and vanilla please."

* * *

 _'Daphne should be here by now.' Astro muttered (he was totally not worried) as he glanced at the clock. 'Cassie will be picking us up soon.'_

"We should probably go get her then. She probably lost track of time looking at weapons." Minato pointed out as he finished up his ice cream.

 _'Weapon freak.'_

* * *

 _'How should it be to find one person looking at weapons?'_ It was completely ridiculous for a wizarding alley to have more weapon shops then Quiditch shops. _'Seriously Nii-chan this is the third weapon shop we've searched. How many weapon shops could there possibly be in the Alley?'_

"Six."

 _'Huh?'_

"There are six weapon shops. Don't you pay attention to Daphne's rants at all?" Minato hummed as a set of shuriken caught his eye. Maybe he could buy a few of those while here.

 _'Not since she told me about the_ _many uses for senbon needles Nii-chan.'_ Astro shuddered. _'Not since the needles.'_

"Ah right I forgot about that-" Minato winced at the memory, before he spotted just the person that they had spent the last twenty minutes searching for. "-hey I found her."

 _'Where?'_ Astro followed his brother gaze and spotted Daphne, and waved. "Hey! Onee-chan! We've been looking all over for you!"

 _'Next time please let me know before you force a switch so I can prepare myself.'_ Minato groaned. A forced switch was never fun for which ever party was forcibly thrown out or into the 'drivers seat'. Being thrown into it was comparable to slamming into a wall at thirty miles and hour (don't ask how he knew that) and being force out was like being yanked backwards by the collar. It was not pleasant.

* * *

The stores owner shook his head. "I'm sorry lass but I n't allowed ta sell this sorta thing ta minors."

"Come on Jimmy I'll pay you double!" Daphne begged the man. She just had to have that Sharkskin Sword.

"Tis n't up ta me lass." Jimmy shrugged as much as he was fond of the girl who had been coming to his shop since she was a child the law was the law. "But if ya want I can hold it for ya till yere old enough."

The pureblood's eye sparkled. "Really you will?!"

Jimmy smiled. "Sure lass. Yere a loyal customer n'd I know how much ya love these beauties."

"Thank you thank you thank!" Daphne jumped up in down as she thanked the older man.

"Hey! Onee-chan! We've been looking all over for you!"

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

James Patterson was bored. Horribly terribly incredibly bored. He'd thought that working as one of Mr. Crouch's aides during the Triwizard Tournament. He had been wrong. It was boring. The twenty-one year old glanced at the man walking next to him. What the heck he had nothing better to do then bother and complain to his twin. "Rob."

"What is it?" Robert glanced at his twin. He recognized the look on the others face. James was bored as well. Damn it.

"I' bored."

"So am I James, but this is an important job." Yeah maybe if he told himself that he'd start believing it.

James scoffed. "What part of being Mr. Crouch's errand boys is an important job?"

"We're his aides not errand boys." The words came out of Roberts mouth automatically. They had had this conversation enough for the response to have become a habit.

James raised an eyebrow. "Then why do we go on coffee runs?"

"Because we're really really good aides."

"That was weak man."

"I know." Rob shrugged. "It's just that I feel like this is what we're meant to be doing."

"Being Crouch's errand boys?"

"No." Robert sighed. They weren't errand boys damnit. "But this job just feel right."

"I hear you man." James muttered, as much as he hated to admit it he did feel as if he had found his calling in life. It was boring but it felt as if he had been doing it for years. "I don't have to like it though."

* * *

 **The Lazy Cloud**

* * *

 **Episode 2: The Boy Who Kept Being Struck By Lightning**

* * *

As Lavender entered the common room she knew that something wasn't right. A quick check of the room and she knew why. Hermione was reading a book by the fire and an annoying redhead wasn't pestering her. In fact Ron was no where in sight. Normally Lavender would have taken it as a gift and left it at that but the last time Ron had been unaccounted for Victor Krum had ended up in the hospital wing. "...Hermione where Ron?"

The brunette didn't even looked up from her book. She was enjoying a book in peace, and she was going to enjoy the quiet while she could. "Ron's in the hospital wings again."

"Again?" Lavender blinked surprised. This was the sixth time this month. "What'd he do this time?"

"Something." Ron had to have done something. People don't get struck by lightning as often as that Weasley by doing nothing. "He got struck by lightning. Again."

* * *

 **Midterms are finally over! I got a flawless A+ in Goverment! My flawless save that one lost point first quarter record has been maintained!**

 **This chapter kinda got away from me, I originally was going to focus on the dragons, the Psychotic Duo, a bit on Krum (His reincarnation has been choosen) and Astro and Minato would only get an Extra at the end but before I knew it it had become Minato and Astro's chapter. I'll get to the dragons and everything else next chapter.**

 **As for how Minato's reincarnation works, well it's different from all of the other ones so far but somewhat** **similar to what Itachi and Luna have. There are a few key different a however. The most obvious is that Minato and Astro both have control over Astro body. Unlike Itachi Minato is fully capable of interacting with the world around him. The only problem is that one of my rules of reincarnation in this fic is that any human reincarnation can't keep their memory. There is the exeption to that rule if the one reincarnated can't control they reincarnation body like Itachi. Minato can, but he splits it with Astro 50/50 so he can't claim complete control. So Minato has lost about 30ish % of his memory's and about 40% of the one he does have are fuzzy. Only about 30% of his memory is clear remembered. Not only that but Minato and Astro aren't as seperate as they appear, they can influence the others actions and personality. It's why Minato acts more like a child then he should and why Astro is well not a Slytherin (I'm torren between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw) and while childish and impulsive is capable of being more mature and thinking things thought the he should be at his age not that you probably noticed that, Astro enjoys acting childish. If you were wondering Astro will call Minato: Aniki, Nii-chan, Nii-San, Minato-nii, as well as Minato it depends on his mood.**

 **Nii-chan ) That's what Astro will usually call Minato, it's the default name of you will.**

 **Minato-nii )This is the na** **me Astro uses while ether he's trying to flat out tease Minato or when he's trying to appear cute and innocent in order to get something from Minato.**

 **Nii-san ) Astro only uses this when he's ether frustrate with Minato or to show that he's serious and not joking about something.**

 **Aniki ) Astro thens to use this name while lightly teasing his 'brother' but it really has no set use.**

 **Minato ) Astro rarely will refer to Minato by just his name, when he does it generally becuase he's angry or again like Nii-san is serious, generally more serious then just Nii-san.**

 **Astro doesn't limit this to just Minato he will refer to other people differently as well.** **I hope that makes sense.**

 **Anyway what did you think of them? Did there dynamic feel like a big brother little brother sort thing? I was going for that. Also comments on them would be loved. I want to make all the nessary tweeks to their Charaters before they sorta get set in my head.**

 **Robert Patterson is Izumo Kamizuki** **and Kotetsu Hagane is James Patterson. If you don't reconize the names I'm not surprised there more the type you reconize on sight and forget their names. Their the chunin who had guard duty at the gate, work as Tsunades aides, were the two that speared Hidan in the beginning of the battle that killed Asuma, and were the two who did the genjutsu on the door of the wrong floor during the Chunin Exams. We proboby won't** **see them again but I felt that give the fact I'm basicly throwing in as many Charaters as I can I felt it would be wrong to exclude them, I mean I'm planning on adding Inari some time soon.**

 **The toad that Minato bought and named Gamabunta is just a normal non-reincarnation toad.** **As for real Gamabunta...well he's stuck at pet store till I decide to send someone to resue him.**

 **While she didn't really apear in this chapter the Astro ended up buying a Kneazle-Maine Coon mix named Melanie (naming her after my cat.) I haven't decided who she'll be the reincarnation of. I'm thinking Hinata but if anyone has a better idea feel free to let me know.**

 **I've been having a hard time pick which animal reincarnation to put at the bottom of the chapters. Are there ones that you would like to see more then others? You can give me your four-five favorites/what you'd like to see more of. I put a list below.**

 **Tsunade!Hedwig**

 **Jiraiya! Trevor**

 **Danzo! Fawke**

 **Onoki(Deidara Grandpa** **and the flying Kage with back problems)!Draco Eagle Owl.**

 **Tora!Crookshanks**

 **Team 7!Dragons**

 **Shikamaru!Cloud**

 **Ino!Pigwidgeon**

 **Killer Bee!Squid**

 **Yamato!Tree**

 **MysteryUchiha!Thresal (Have yet to interduce but plan to. He's not Madara. Madara and his reincarnation have already appeared in past chapters though.)**

 **Please review it really does help me get the motivation to get you these chapters faster.**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 **Sneak Peak**

* * *

 _"Hell yeah!" A blonde girl cheered as she dragged the two other girls down the hallway. "Let's go see the dragons, dattebane!"_

 _Minato heart almost stopped when he heard that beloved verbal tick. '_ Kushina!'

 _"Who?"_


	30. Snape Doesn't Have A Hangover

**I** **own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Snape Doesn't Have A Hangover**

* * *

 **In Which Ginny Has A Hangover & Three Girls Stage A Rescue**

* * *

"Morning Luna." Ginny greeted the blonde girl as she plopped herself down at the Ravenclaw table.

"Good morning Ginny." Luna looked up to see the other girls haggard appearance. "How was the victory party?"

"Fucking epic." Ginny gave a pained smile as she held her throbbing head. "The twins smuggled in some fire whisky, Draco stole all of his godfathers vodka, and Ron got his hands on some rum and we held drinking contests. I totally kicked all their asses."

"It sounds like you have a blast then."

"Sure did. That game of strip poker won't be forgotten any time soon." Nor would anyone forget what a lightweight Draco was. Boy was the pyro fun when he was drunk. Sadly Harry had knocked the blonde out before he could set the tower on fire. "But my hangovers fucking killing me."

"How much did you drink Ginny?" Luna asked, her voice completely unsympathetic.

The ginger groaned. "I lost track after the twenty second shot of vodka."

Luna shook her head. "Then you have no one but your self to blame."

"Just kill me now." Ginny muttered. Sometime she wished that she didn't have the alcohol tolerance she did. She was no expert on the science of it all but figured she couldn't drink as much as she could her head probably wouldn't hurt as much.

"Your not suppose to sit at this table." A seven year looked at the Griffindor Seeker disapprovingly.

Ginny gave the girl a glare that was pure demonic. "Do I look like I give a damn?"

"Its a-agai-" The seventh year stuttered.

"I really not in the mood to deal with you right now so get lost before I punch you."

Needless to say girl left the two girls alone to eat in peace.

* * *

For the first time in three years and a number of months Severus Snape didn't wake up with a hangover. His mood (which without a hangover was only half as bad as it usually was) wasn't ruined by a pounding hangover that made him almost want to just roll over and die. But if anything he was in a worst mood then when he woke up after a late night of drinking his vodka.

He'd only switched from fire whisky to vodka this year and while it was far more of a pain in the ass to acquire it made up for it higher alcohol content. Severus had stoke piled enough of the drink to last him to winter break and some _thrice damned snot nose fucking brats had broken into his fucking office and stole all of his mother_ _fuck'n_ _vodka!_

Severus Snape was not in a _bad_ _mood_ he was on a **war path**.

* * *

"Luna! Ginny!" A net hysteric Gabrielle ran to her friends names the moment she saw them in the hallway. "There taking away the dragons, dattebane!"

"Can you be fuck'n quiet!" Ginny snapped at the French witch.

"What's wrong with you?" Gabrielle glared at the redhead. "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something?"

"No." Luna shook her head as she stepped in before things could escalate. "Ginny is just hungover after the party last night. Don't pay attention to anything she says she just grouchy."

"How'd she get her hands on any alcohol? I thought it was against the rules." Not that Gabrielle had any problem s breaking the rules but if Ginny had drunk as much as it looked like that had to have been a lot of alcohol to sneak in.

"It is." Luna nodded. "But some of the kids managed to get their hands on it anyway and share it with everyone else."

"And it was a fucking epic party."

"Yet your absolutely miserable the day after." Luna snapped. She wasn't exactly in the best mood at the moment ether. She was fed up with having Ginny complain about her hangover and act like a complete bitch and she still wasn't on speaking terms with Yurei-san. Luna turned back to Gabrielle. "Never mind what were you saying about the dragons?"

"They're taking them away!" The other blonde stamped her foot in anger. "They're going to take Flare away from me, dattebane!"

"Flare?" Luna blinked. Who was flare again?

 _Her dragon._

"The dragon?" Now she remembered and wait a minute. "So your speaking to me again Yurei-san? Finally done throwing your temper tantrum?"

 _I am not throwing a fit Luna._ _If anything you are the one who's acting like a child._

Luna growled. "I am a child you asshole!"

"Uh Luna?" Gabrielle asked looking at the other blonde in concern. It was normal for Luna to break off in mid conversation to talk with 'Yurei-san' but for her to start swear at 'him' wasn't. "You ok?"

"Yes. Yurei-san's just being an ass." Luna glowered. That prick.

"Right so what are we going to do?! We can't let them take Flare away, dattebane!"

"Why don't we just go fucking rescue her so some shit?" Ginny said finally adding in her own two cents.

"Hell yeah!" A blonde girl cheered as she dragged the two other girls down the hallway. "Let's go rescue my dragon, dattebane!"

Minato heart almost stopped when he heard that beloved verbal tick. ' _Kushina!_ '

"Who?"

* * *

Draco was awoken from his slumber by a bucket of ice water.

"Get out of bed you light weight." Harry grinned above the blonde, a bucket in his hand.

"Fuck you." Draco swore at his supposed best friend. He didn't have the energy to do much else. His head was killing him. Why had he drunk that fire whisky? "My head hurts."

The-Boy-Who-Lived smirked. "That's what you get for getting drunk you shitty excuse for an artist."

Draco didn't rise to met taunt. Any other day the blonde would have fired a barrage of insults at the other boy but Draco's head hurt to much. "Harry go away. I'm really not in the mood."

* * *

"I feel kinda bad for them." Dan sighed as he sat down on a crate next to his fellow dragon tamer. "Sola and Flare really seem to like it here."

Bob snorted. "I know Flare's really taken a liken to that veela brat."

"Still sore about that?" Nether party had any doubt about what Dan was referring to. Bob had been sore for days. "It really is amazing how well the two get along. Never thought I'd see the day when Flare would share her _ramen_."

"I'm more interested in that Snowy Owl." Bob shook his head. "Why Sola hasn't eaten it yet I haven't a clue."

* * *

"I wish we had more time here before we had to go back to Romania." Flare signed as she sulked in her nest. "I don't want to say good bye to Mom yet."

"Wimp." Flora muttered from her own nest.

The Fireball growled at the other dragon. "What did you call me teme?"

"She called you a wimp." Lissa hummed. "She's just jealous that you found your mother when he hasn't found his brother yet."

"Shut up Sai!" Flora roared lunging at the Swedish Short Snout.

* * *

"One. Two. Three. Now!" Gabrielle shouted as she jumped out of a tree onto the dragon tamer below. "Geronimo, dattebane!"

"Stupefy!" Luna sent a stunner and another dragon tamer before climbing out of her own tree.

"Demon karate chop." Ginny walked out from behind another tree and walked her dragon tamer in the back of the head. Ginny gave the other two girls a look. "My head hurts, so sue me."

The blonde veela shrugged. "The dragon cages are this way come on."

Ginny shook her head. "I'm too hung over for this."

* * *

"Flare we're here to rescue you!" Gabrielle waved to the Fireball as she walked into the dragon incloser.

Flare gave a draconic smile. Nuzzling the blonde veela before giving the two girls accompanying her a questioning look.

"Oh these are my fiends their helping me rescue you, introduce yourself guys." Gabrielle explained seeing the look.

"My names Ginny Weasley." The ginger mutters. "What up?"

"I'm Luna Lovegood." Luna introduced herself with a curtsy. "Nice to meet you."

Sasuke!

"Sasuke?" Luna repeated in confusion. What was that prick on about now.

The Common Welsh Green behind Flare raised her head in shock.

* * *

Extra

* * *

"Um Victor what are you doing?" Peter asked his dorm mate. The Quidditch star was furiously scribbling a letter.

Victor didn't even look up for his letter as he answered the other boys question. "I'm contacting my lawyer about getting my cut of the money people have made selling 'Victor Krum' merchandise."

"What?" The younger boy blinked. What the what now? And since when did Victor have a lawyer? "Since when do you have a lawyer?"

"I'm being cheated out of hundreds of thousands of gallons here and I intend to sue people to get it." The Seeker rolled his eyes at the younger students questions but answered them anyway. "And I got a lawyer after I got 'attacked by a magical chainsaw'. If I wanted to sue the school for the damages I need one."

"This might sound stupid but why would you sue the school?" Seriously the only one to ever win a lawsuit against Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was Draco Malfoy (twice), and Harry Potter. "Are you really that upset about that?"

Victor shook his head. "No. I'm just in it for the money."

"Seriously?" Peter raise his eye at the other boy. "If your really after money why not just invest in the stock market or something?"

"Already doing that." The Triwizard Champion said dismissively. "I've got stock in both the muggle, magical worlds, and some stuff with the goblins."

"..." Victor really had changed ever since that magical chainsaw attack.

* * *

 **Owls of ROOT**

* * *

 **Episode 3: A Probelm**

* * *

Danzo paced back in forth the office floor much like his supposed master (Dumbledore was merely his puppet.) often did. That Harry Potter brat was getting in the way of his plans. The Boy-Who-Lived was using the Owlery owls as test subjects in his experiments. Danzo had lost nearly five a month for the last year. He couldn't afford to loose so many of his soldiers. There had to be some why he could deal with the problem without suspicion.

* * *

 **I admit that Owls of ROOT Episode 3 is uninspired and boring. I'm tired and I just want to finish this chapter so that I can post it. Anyway the Dragons will be in the next chapter and I'll wrap up the rescue then before returning my focus to everyone's favorite psychotic duo. I think I'll spend some time on another year, I'm getting bored with fourth. I'll return to it but I want to write something new. So anyone have a year they want to see more then another?**

 **If your wondering why Luna and Itachi aren't exactly on friendly terms with each other at the moment is simply because they had a rather nasty argument. I might go into it at some point. The two spend every moment together fights are inevitable, they can't coexist perfectly all the time.**

 **Please review. It really does help with my motivation and thus gets you guys chapters quicker.**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **Ps. Yes Victor is the miser.**


	31. Summer Break Begins Part 2

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Summer Break Begins**

* * *

 **In Which Gabrielle Almost Gets Expelled & Draco Returns To The Manor **

* * *

**Part 2**

* * *

"Anything off the trolley dears?" The candy trolley lady asked the two inhabiting the compartment.

"I'll have ten damn chocolate frogs."

The lady ignored the redheads mouth, she had heard far worse in her years on the Hogwarts Express. "Anything else dear?"

Ron glanced towards the 'Dark Lady' as he paid for his food. "Do you want anything Hermione-chan?"

"...No thank you and how did you even get that money?" Hermione asked, giving the small bag of wizarding gold a suspicious look.

"I sto-"

 _She's friends with Flower-Girl._

Ron silently sung his mighty lord praise. That was a close one. He didn't need Hermione-chan any more angry at him then she already was. "I mean I worked hard to earn it."

"..." Hermione sent the boy across from her a look that quiet plainly said she didn't believe a word of it.

 _Really smooth my minion._

Ron changed the subject. "I'm going to start a cult for Jashin-sama this summer."

"Are you?" Hermione pulled out a book and began to read it.

"Totally!" The Jashinist grinned, not noticing that the 'Dark Lady' was now completely tuning him out in favor of her book. "Mum never said anything about starting a cult that kills people to sacrifice them to Lord Jashin-sama."

"Interesting."

"I know, I'm a genius for thinking of it." Ron preened under the presumed praise.

"Yes."

"A cult is also a way to spread the teachings of Jashin-sama to the masses." It had been to long since Jashin-sama had had a proper sacrifice. "So what are you doing this summer Hermione-chan?"

At her name the bookworm looked up. "Huh?"

"Where will you be this summer?"

"Why do you want to know?" Hermione asked once again suspicious of the redhead.

"So I can follow you around and protect you from all the unworthy boys."

* * *

"I almost feel sorry for her." Harry commented as he heard Hermione scream at Ron.

"But your a heartless bastard and couldn't feel pity if you life depended on it, yeah." The pyro across from him joked.

"True," The Boy-Who-Lived nodded. "But think of all the fangirl stalkers I've already dealt with. Ron's undisputedly worse then every single one of them and Hermione can't get rid of him."

"Well it's not our problem, yeah." The young Malfoy shrugged dismissively. "But what is our problem is how we're going to spend your Triwizard winnings, yeah."

"Why 'we'?" The raven raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Last I checked it's my money."

"Details, details, yeah." Draco shook his head dramaticly.

"As a noble pureblood I know more about this sorta thing then a poor uninformed half blood who spent most of his life with barbaric muggles, yeah."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt that."

Draco ignored the other boys words. "I was thinking that both of us could use the money to expand our networks, yeah."

"...That's actually a good idea Draco. Let me check to see if the world is ending." Harry turned around to look out the window, pretending to check that the sky wasn't falling before turning back around. "The sky's not falling and the world isn't ending. What a surprise."

"Shut up you shitty artist, yeah!" Draco growled.

"At least I'm an artist, that's more then you can say." The Boy-Who-Lived shot back.

"I am too an artist, yeah! You just don't have any taste in art!"

"I do have taste, your the one lacking any artistic talent! Your not even a real artist!"

"I am too a real artist, yeah! Your just jealous because my arts better then yours, yeah!"

* * *

"I'm not going to miss you this summer."

"Good, yeah." Draco smirked. "Because I won't miss you ether, yeah."

"Bye asshole." Harry said as he gave the blonde the middle finger.

Draco returned the gesture. "See you next year shitty artist, yeah."

* * *

"Draco, you will not disrespect the Dark Lord." Lucius Malfoy frowned as he reprimanded his son, he could feel a headache coming on.

"Come on Dad, he's a complete loser, yeah." Draco huffed as he took his seat in the carriage. Why his dad wanted to take the carriage instead of apperate the boy didn't know, but what he did know was that his dad was a complete moron. Why was he throwing his lot in with a lame snake faced excuse for a Dark Lord who was going to be replaced in a few years anyway? "Plus he's not going to be the Dark Lord for long, yeah. The school's even got a betting pool going, yeah."

"What are you talking about Draco?" The old Malfoy blinked in slight confusion. Perhaps he shouldn't have joined Severus's end of the year celebration. His mind alway felt fuzzy after downing a bottle of fire whisky, and a fuzzy mind was never a good thing when dealing with his son.

"Right now Ron Weasley and Harry Potter seem like the most likely candidates, yeah. It'll probably come down to wether or not Harry moves to America to become a mob boss and wether or not Ron gets committed to Saint Mungo's before he goes on that murder spree, yeah. Luna's also in the running since everyone seems to think she's as kooky as the rest of us, yeah. She is betting on the headmasters bird though so they may be right, yeah. Harry's minion is also up there since Colin could prepare the Wizarding World for Mob Boss Harry, yeah." The pyro explained. "I've got my money on Ginny Weasley, she's not as crazy as her brother but she's up there, and she'll probably take the position of ether of the others don't, yeah. There's some Hufflepuff girl who graduated this year named Tonks who a number of people are betting on as well, yeah. Some people have put their money on Hermione Granger, they're counting on her to snap which given how long she's had to deal with Ron isn't out of the realm of possibility, yeah."

"..." Lucius stared at his son for a moment, processing everything that he had just been told. "Draco, you are not going to have anything to do with that nonsense."

"Why, yeah? I think it's a great financial investment, yeah. As much as I loath to admit it, Harry may be a shit artist but he'd make a really good Dark Lord, but he wants to be a mob boss or a politician, yeah. Ron would also make a great Dark Lord but I'm pretty sure that the Auror's already have they're eyes on him and I think his mother's already in contact with Saint Mungo, yeah." Draco grinned at the thought of all the money he was sure to earn. "Tonk is happily working as a Auror in the Torture and Interrogation Unit and last I checked Hermione's in therapy, yeah. That leaves Ginny, yeah."

"Just...just never talk about this again this summer. The Dark Lord is staying at the manor and you will not behave so disrespectfully in his presence."

"You've got to be shitting me, yeah." If it was possible Draco's grin grew even more, and his eyes gleamed with something that his father didn't even want to try to name. "Lord Snake Face is going to be in the manor for the entire summer, yeah? What till Harry hears about this, he'll be so jealous, yeah!"

"Draco!"

"What? You still angry over my choice of friends, yeah? I thought you got over that, yeah." The blonde smirked. "Or are you still sore about him making you dance The Robot, yeah?"

* * *

 _To Shitty-Excuse-For-An-Artist,_

 _Guess who's spending the summer at my manor and not your's? Lord Snake Face. That's right let the envy wash over you. I have a Dark Lord to torture all summer and you don't. I have a Dark Lord to torture all summer and you don't. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, in your face Harry._

 _I'm thinking about roasting his snake but part of me wants to feed it some explosives and then detonate them during their alone time. Thoughts?_

 _Also my Dads still pissed at you over the whole dancing in the graveyard thing. Could you send me a pensive memory of it and a muggle camera and the supplies I need to develop the photos? I want to hang them up all over the manor._

 _The Clearly Better Artist,_

 _Draco,_

* * *

 _Dear Talentless-Excuse-For-An-Artist,_

 _You should smother the snake and give it to me._

 _I want it. You obliterated the last cool snake we found with your explosions it's my turn to use the snake in my art._

 _Lucky you. You get to torture Lord Snake Face all summer. If I were you I'd enchant a few of your house elves to dance and sing the Carmelldansen when their in the guys presence. It'll drive_ _him mad. That's the song on the CD and a video of the dance on the DVD. I showed you how those worked last summer so you better not have forgotten._

 _I'll send you the photography equipment and memory later. Ceefor's refusing to carry them and it's Hedwig day off._

 _The Obviously Superior Artist,_

 _Harry,_

 _Ps._

 _I've also given you some of that hallucinogen._ _You know the one. Knock your self out._

* * *

 **Onoki The Eagle Owl**

* * *

 **Episode Two: Hidding In The Woods**

* * *

"Tsunade." The Eagle Owl acknowledged the female Snowy as she landed on the branch next to him.

"Onoki." Greeted Tsunade. "Hiding from Deidara?"

"If I was in my old body and not so helpless I wouldn't be." Onoki sighed. It truly was humiliating to be so weak. "But I am and that demon wants to see how long I can dodge his new 'fireworks'."

"Want some sake?"

"Yes please." Kami knows he need it. Screw his new bodies low tolerance to alcohol (boy was he jealous of Tsunade, she had somehow kept her higher then average tolerance to the liquid...not that it meant much with the amount she drank.).

* * *

 **Sorry it's been awhile, I've been sick and I've had a lot of work I had to make up. The Dragons aren't in the chapter like a promised simplely because I've cut the chapter on half. I'm already in the 2k range and the first half of this chapter has only half a scene written, the antic Draco gets up torturing Deatheaters hasn't been written ether and the extra with Luna and Itachi fight has only been outlined. All together that's at least another 1.5k words to write. I've got a lot going on this weekend and I don't think I'd be able to finished the whole chapter till sometime late next week so I figured I break the chapter in half. This is the second half or 'Part 2' and I'll post 'Part 1' next week. Then you don't have to wait becuase my scudueles busy. You still have to wait for the dragon but you would have had to wait if I hadn't do this as well so...still I can give you a sneak peek of that though.**

 **It feels like it's been ages since I've written a chapter focusing on our favorite psychotic duo. I had so much fun writing Draco, he and Ron are my favorite to write.**

 **I decided to have Draco go home this chapter instead of going to another school year. Next chapter will ether be sixth year or first year.**

 **I'm just curious about who you guys think would be the most likely dark lord/lady so I've set up a poll on my profile. I'll write a one shot about the winners exploits as the Dark Lord/Lady.**

 **I've realized that I should really get a beta. I do my best but I am dyslexic and dispite how far I've come I often just don't see the errors. It's something I can't keep ignoring especially after so many people have pointed it out. So if any of you would be interested in betaing Explosive Dragon please PM me.**

 **If you want to be my beta you'll need to have 5 or more stories on the site or have published 6k+ words and registered as a beta on the site. The requirements are the sites requirement and I want to make sure I'm following the rules. Anyway I'd be really really greatful.**

 **Please review, it's what keeps me motivated~**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 **Sneak Peak(Note: This Will Proboby Reseive Editing)**

* * *

 **"** Sasuke did you know about the Rottfang Conspiracy? The Auror's are trying to take over the Ministry of Magic using Dark Magic and gum disease."

 _Itachi_ had also turned into a _conspiracy theorist_.

Great. Just _great_.

Lissa and Flare were never going to let him forget this.


	32. Summer Break Begins Part 1

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Beta Needed**

* * *

Please if anyone is interested in being Explosive Dragons Beta please pm me.

I really need one.

You'll get to read chapters before everyone else.

I'll let my beta pick a reincarnation that they want to apear in this story.

* * *

 **Summer Break Begins**

* * *

 **In Which Gabrielle Almost Gets Expelled & Draco Returns To The Manor **

* * *

**Part 1**

* * *

"Why is that dragon staring at me like that?" Luna asked tilting her head slightly to the side. "I didn't bring any treats for him."

"Fuck if I know." Ginny grumbled.

"I think she just likes you." Gabrielle smiled grabbing the other fellow blonde's hand and dragging towards the green dragon. "Come on I'll introduce you. Luna this is Flora."

"Nice to meet you." Luna curtseyed.

"Fora this is Luna." The Welsh Green gave a very 'hn' like growl, nodding it's head slightly in greeting.

 _...That is defiantly Sasuke._

"Isn't your little brother a boy Yurei-san?" Luna asked frowning. "And I'm still mad at you for calling my dad loony."

 _I apologize for that Luna. It was not my intention to offend you. But I'm sure that that dragon is my little brother._

Luna sighed. She wasn't going to just let Yurei-san's 'joke' about her father slide, but if this dragon really was his brother...well the Ravenclaw supposed she could call a temporary truce. "We'll talk about this later Yurei-san."

"..." The dragon stared at the blonde as she continued to talk to herself.

"Luna talks to herself." Gabrielle explained. "She's a little odd, but she's really nice once you get to know her, dattebane."

"..." The seemed to raise its nonexistent eyebrow at the veela as if to say 'really?'.

When Luna (who Flora was sure was actually Itachi.) finished talking to herself she walked up to the female dragon's leg and hugged it. "The voice in my head told me to hug you. He's also telling me to tell you that he's sorry and it was all his fault."

That settled it. This little girl was defiantly Itachi, and his brother had gone crazy in this life.

"Sasuke did you know about the Rottfang Conspiracy? The Auror's are trying to take over the Ministry of Magic using Dark Magic and gum disease."

 _Itachi_ had also turned into a _conspiracy theorist_.

Great. Just _great_.

Lissa and Flare were never going to let him forget this.

* * *

"What were you think Gabrielle?! Trying to free those dragons?!" Fleur cried as she hugged her younger sister. "You could've died!"

"Fleur, I'm fine. Let go. It's not like Flare would ever hurt me anyway." The younger witch huffed as she pulled herself out of her sister arms. "Charles Weasley, one of the dragon tamers even told me that once I graduate I should become a tamer. They say I'm a natural with Flare, dattebane."

"That's not the point Gabrielle!" The Beauxbaton champion hissed. "You could have been seriously injured by one of the other dragons, and your lucky that the dragon tamers aren't pressing charges."

The young blonde shrugged. "But nothing happened."

Fleur shook her head. "The only reason Madame Maxime didn't expel you is because Mama and Papa have donated a lot of money to the school."

"Money makes the world go around." Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "And come on Fleur if it was anyone else who'd tried to free four dragons you'd be complimenting them."

"Your my little sister. It's different."

* * *

"I don't want to be a Deatheaters!" One of the many death eaters at the Malfoy Mansion cried. "I want to go to America and be on Broadway!"

"Man are you ok?" The death eater beside Draco's latest victim asked slightly concerned about his friends unusual behavior.

"I won't let you sabotage my career! Your a horrible agent! Your just trying to use me for my money! Your fired!" The aspiring dancer yelled as he broke into a horrible excuse for a dance. "I'm going to be a star!"

"You starting to scare me." The other death eater minion frowned as he edged away from the other henchmen. "Are you _high_? You know we're not allowed to get high on the job after what happened to Phil."

"You'll never take me alive!" The 'dancing' death eater screamed as he dashed down the hallway.

"What the hell is he _on_?"

* * *

"Ah I love watching them make a complete fool of them self, yeah." Draco grinned as he held up the camera, making sure to get a few blackmail shots. "Art may be an explosion, but spiking someone tea with a hallucinogen is another kind of art, yeah. A lesser one granted, but better for blackmail, yeah."

* * *

Draco waited till everyone was seated for dinner before he stood up to make his announcement. "Lady's, gentlemen, and idiots, lets give a warm welcome to The Dancing Elves, yeah!" Draco snapped his fingers and spun towards the stage. "Hit it, yeah." With the blonde pyro's words three house elves appeared on the stage with a snap, and began to sing and dance the Caramelladensen.

 _Do, do doo,_

 _Yeah yeah yeah yeah,_

 _I wonder, are you ready to join us now?_

 _Hands in the air we will show you how,_

 _Come and try,_

 _Caramell will be your guide,_

 _So come and move your hips sing,_

 _Oh-wa-ah-ah,_

 _Look at YouTube clips, do it,_

 _La la la,_

 _You and me can sing this melody,_

 _Oa-oa-a,_

 _Dance to the beat wave your hands together,_

 _Come feel the heat forever and forever,_

 _Listen and learn it is time for prancing,_

 _Now we are here with Caramelldansen-_

"What is this?!" The Dark Lord hissed. He recognized that wretched dance.

"It's the dinner entertainment my lord, yeah." The pyro suppressed his urge to bursted into maniacal cackles, instead he plaster the best 'I'm your loyal and obedient minion, I'm did my best to please you, did I do something wrong?' expression onto his face. He'd seen it on Colin's face when ever he failed Harry. It was more powerful then the kicked puppy eyes. "Is there something that displeases you about the song selection, yeah? Or does the dance bother you, my lord, yeah?"

"Th-" Voldemort was about to tell Lucius's child that it didn't matter why, but that dance was never to be danced by anyone or thing in his presence ever again when Draco cut him off. Somehow the brat even managed to do it in such a way that it didn't even seem like an interruption.

"It's both isn't it, yeah?" Draco barely managed to keep the smirk of his face. This was fun. "They aren't being energetic enough are they, yeah? Come on Dancing Elves, keep going and put more soul into it, yeah!"

"Yes Young Master Draco!" The elves chorused before they began to sing once more.

 _Ooo-oa-oa_

 _Ooo-oa-oa-a ..._

 _Ooo-oa-oa_

 _Ooo-oa-oa-a ..._

 _From Sweden to UK we will bring our song_

 _Australia, USA people of Hong Kong_

 _They have heard this meme all around the world_

 _Oh-oa-oa_

 _So come and move your hips sing_

 _Oh-ah-ah-ah_

 _Look at YouTube clips, do it_

 _La la la_

 _You and me can sing this melody_

 _So come and dance to the beat, wave your hands together_

 _Come feel the heat forever and forever_

 _Listen and learn, it is time for prancing_

 _Now we are here with Caramelldansen_

 _Dance to the beat wave, your hands together_

 _Come feel the heat forever and forever_

 _Listen and learn, it is time for prancing_

 _Now we are here with Caramelldansen_

 _Ooo-oa-oa_

 _Ooo-oa-oa-a ..._

* * *

"Wait a fucking minute." Ron swore as he grab his binoculars to get a closer look at the boy talking to _his_ Hermione-chan. "Did that boy just fucking give Hermione-chan his fucking phone number?"

 _Yes. Yes he totally did._

"He's so being fucking sacrificed to you, Jashin-sama." The redhead growled darkly as he took out his cellphone. "I'm calling the damn cult."

 _Good, I'll love it when my minions_ _brutality murder people in my honor._

Ron grinned as he dialed a number into his phone. "We're honored to fucking serve you Jashin-sama."

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"I don't understand why they're always calling me loony." Luna muttered as she scanned the ceiling for her missing boot. "It's not like I'm the oddest person in the school."

 _I don't know Luna, but most of the powerful people I knew in my life were quirky._

"Really?" That was interesting.

 _Yes. It seemed the more powerful some one was the crazier, eccentric, or more perverted they became, with a few exceptions._

"That's interesting Yurei-san." Luna said, her thoughts turning to her classmates as she attempted to list all of the 'more powerful ones.' It all seemed to fit, Hermione had developed a minor obsession with origami. "Do you think that that's true here as well?"

 _I believe so. Dumbledore incredibly eccentric. Out off all of your classmates the...crazy ones are clearly more powerful then their sane peers. All of the powering Wizards and Witches we read about in history all seem to have been highly_ _eccentric._

Luna nodded. "I suppose but all wizards are eccentric to som degree, even the normal ones."

 _True, but I don't think your families eccentric are normal even by wizards standards._

Luna narrowed her eyes. "Are you saying that we're crazy?"

 _No. Just a little loony._

"..." Rage. Betrayal, utter _betrayal_. How dare he? After all these years of telling her that she _wasn't loony_ , Itachi was just going to turn around and call her _that_?

 _Luna?_

"You complete _prick_!"

* * *

 **Team of Dragons**

* * *

 **Episode Three: Lissa's Musings**

* * *

"Looks like your not the only on in your family to have lost something in this life." Lissa hummed. "I wonder what that means about your family?"

"Oh shut up Lissa." Flora hissed at the Short Snout.

Lissa of course ignored the green dragons words. "It's just interesting that both brothers ended up as girls. Could it really be just a coincidence? Or is there something more to it?"

The former-Uchiha growled. "I'm going to enjoy killing you slowly."

* * *

 **I know its shorter then normal. I cut two scene, Draco setting a fire and The girls getting caught. The first becuase Draco's already done enough in this chapter and I didn't really feel like it. The other becuase I got bored with the dragons. I'll get back to them at some point but I need a break. Plus Gabrielle is hard to write. By far she one of the hardest for me to write, right with Harry, Hermione(writing the straight man is hard) and a few others.**

 **On the plus side this chapter is up a lot sooner then I expected. I managed to get more done on the bus then usual for some reason. I debated with myself over waiting a few days to post it since the amount of the review the last chapter got was really low compared to the normal amount. Only five, but I couldn't do that. I hate it when people hold chapter hostage for reviews. It's just as asshole move to make, so here you are. A chapter ahead of schedule.**

 **I reference Do A Tango of Death a few times this chapter, mainly becuase I lissiened** **to Caramelldensen and I just had too.**

 **Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **Please give me reviews~**

 **They modivate me and make me feel good...even the bad ones.**

 **And Neko no Shirayuki that includes you. Be a good sister and start reviewing.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	33. Shark To Dog

**I own nothing.**

 **Also special thanks to rainyrhapsody for becoming my beta.**

 **The next chapter will focus on the reincarnation that she has chosen.**

* * *

 **The Dark Mob Boss**

* * *

 _The Poll is now closed._

 _The summery for The Dark Mob Boss:_

After Harry left for America to become a mob boss Colin did the only thing any good minion would: Conquer the Wizarding World in his master's name. After conquering all of Magical Britain in less then a year Colin drags his dear Harry back to England to run his new empire. Harry is left to run his criminal and magical empires and with Draco getting involved with the mafia, hilarity will be sure to follow. Did anyone mention Draco's gotten engaged? Or that Ron's trying to get Jashinism made into an official religion?

 _I've got lots of idea of what will happen in The Dark Mob Boss but I beg you all for suggestions. If you have an idea for a scene that you think would be funny please leave me a review or pm me. I plan for The Dark Mob Boss to be in the 5-6k range and that won't happen without lots of scenes. So please give them to me!_

* * *

 **Shark To Dog**

* * *

 **In Which Sirius Attends Hogwarts & James** **Is To Lazy To Not Be A Reincaranted Nara**

* * *

A young, two year-old Sirius Black waddled over to his father. "Dada?"

"What is it Sirius?" Orion Black looked away from his newspaper (magical of course, as if he'd ever dirty his hands with a muggle one) to his son.

"I wanna shark."

"You can not have a shark," Orion told his son, but upon seeing his son's eyes begin to tear up the Lord decided to compromise. "But what about a fish?"

"I don't wanna a fishie," Sirius pouted, putting on his best puppy dog face. "I wanna shark!"

The Lord of Black sighed at his son's persistence. Why was his son so fascinated by the animal? Children his age were supposed to like puppies and the like...that was it! He'd get Sirius a puppy instead. Then the brat would forget all about his stupid desire to own a shark. "I'll buy you a puppy instead."

"I don't wanna dumb puppy!" The two year old began to bawl. "I wanna shark! I wanna shark! I wanna shark!"

Orion scowled at his son. "You can not have a shark Sirius."

"I want one!" Sirius yowled before he began to throw a full blown tantrum.

* * *

After being refused a shark by his father, Sirius Black did the next logical thing for any two year to do. He asked his mother, and this time he made sure to crank the cuteness up to ten. "Mama? Could you pwease get me a shark? I weally weally want one. For me birthway?"

"Stop talking like a stupid baby. You may not have a shark."

"But mama-" the two year old tried to protest.

"Sirius. Drop. It." Walburga's words were final. Sirius Orion Black would not be getting a shark for his birthday.

"I hate you!" Sirius screamed at his mother, dropping the 'cute baby speak' as he did. "I'll never forgive you or Father for this!"

* * *

 _Years later when ever he was asked why he hated his parents so much Sirius would say it was because of the pureblood supremacists his parents were. He'd tell those who asked it was because of how twisted their use of dark magic made them, and while all of this was true, it wasn't the whole truth. Sirius hated his parents of all of those things, but worse of all they hadn't let him get a pet shark for his third birthday. True to his word, Sirius never forgave_ _his parents for denying him that shark._

* * *

"H-" Just as the Hat was about to sort Sirius Black into Hufflepuff, he was cut off by the very boy he was about to sort.

 _'If you put me in Hufflepuff_ I will skin you _._ _'_

' _Excuse me?_ ' The Hat asked. This wasn't the first time he had had been spoken to by a student. It was just uncommon, but it had been years since he had been threatened by a one.

 _'Put me in Gryffindor.'_ The Black Heir smirked. _'It'll piss of my parents more.'_

The Sorting Hat began to protest. _'But-'_

 _'I will_ skin _you.'_ Sirius threatened, somehow managing to be more intimidating then any eleven year old had any right to be. ' _The_ _n I will_ burn _you. Then I will_ feed _your ashes to a_ shark _.'_

"Gryffindor!"

* * *

"James." The eleven year old heir of the Black Family shook his new friend, trying to wake him up. "You can either get your lazy ass out of bed yourself or I'll go get a bucket of water."

"It's too troublesome to get up," James mumbled as he pulled his cover up. "Five more minutes."

"The bucket of water it is." Sirius shrugged as he picked up the bucket filled with cold water on the floor next to him and dumped its contents on to his fellow classmate.

"What the hell Sirius?" James swore as he jumped out of bed wide awake. "Seriously what the actual fuck man? Are you serious?"

"I'm always Sirius."

"..." James was clearly not amused. He need his sleep, Merlin damnit. Who cares if he missed Transfiguration anyway? It was an easy subject. As troublesome as it was to go to the Library, check a few Transfiguration books out and read them, that was all he had to do to pass the class. He shouldn't have to give up his sleep for it.

"Hey, I did give you a choice," Sirius pointed out. "And breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"I fucking hate you."

"Did I mention Lily will be at breakfast?" Sirius smirked. If anything could get James to get up and do something it was James' crush on Lily. All of his attempts to win her her heart so far had ended in failure, but the slacker hadn't given up yet.

"You are forgiven."

* * *

"You know I'm a werewolf?" Remus looked at his two friend with a mixture of fear and shock.

"Yeah," James shrugged. "You're not exactly very good at keeping it a secret, Remus. I figured it out back in first year."

"That's right-" Sirius stopped mid sentence as what his best friend had just said registered. "Wait, why didn't you tell me sooner? That was like last year."

"You were asleep and it would have been to troublesome to wake you up." The raven yawned.

"Your a lazy ass." Sirius sighed. That was such a typical James thing to do.

"I can't deny that."

"Um guys?" Remus interjected, looking utterly baffled. "Aren't you guys upset over the whole werewolf thing?"

"Nah, it's too much effort to get worked up over something so stupid." James waved away the issue. "We're cool."

"Well I'm not cool with it," Sirius said crossing his arms. "Well I'm cool with the werewolf thing, I'm not cool with you lying to us about it."

"Seriously?" the werewolf deadpanned. "The fact I never told about being a werewolf and made up a bunch of fake illness bothers you more than me actually being a werewolf."

"Pretty much."

* * *

"Why do I have to be a dog? I wanted to be something cool," Sirius whined as he walked down the hallway besides his best friend. "Like a shark. I would make a much better shark."

"Aren't dogs supposed to be loyal?" James asked as he yawned. "And since our Animagus forms are supposed to reflect who we are, a dog's perfect for you. You would fit right in with the Hufflepuffs with how loyal you are."

"Well yeah, but I'd rather be a shark." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Plus by that logic how can you explain being a stag? Doesn't exactly fit your lazy unmotivated ass."

"Whatever," James shrugged. "I'm going to take a nap."

* * *

"Mr. Potter it's your turn to preform the charm."

"What charm was that again, Teach?" The by now famously lazy genius asked as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "I was alseep."

"I could see that Mr. Potter. Five point from Griffindor." the Charms Proffessor sighed as he deducted the points. It was only a formality if anything, James Potter would not change his 'lazy ass' ways as young Sirius Black put it, nor would he stop getting Os. "Can you now preform the Patronus Charm Mr. Potter?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." James muttered picking up his wand. "Expecto Patronum."

The Professor nodded in approval, as usual Mr. Potter exceeded expect ions by pull off a fully corporal Patronus, a stag. "Good job Mr. Potter, you may return to your nap now."

"He's already asleep." the sleeping boys best friend pointed out.

"Your turn Mr. Black, let's see if you can do as well as Mr. Potter."

"I'll show you." the heir of black growled darkly as he drew his wand. "Expecto Patronum!"

"..." The class said nothing as the look of anger and frustration on the young Black face grew at his failure.

"I said EXPECTO PATRONUM!" This time the spell worked, a shark appearing in front of the boy. Sirius cheered. "Hell yeah! In your face James!"

"Huh?" James asked as he looked around the room blearily. "Is class over?"

My Patronus is a mother fucking shark!" Sirius smirked, holding out his hand. "Time to pay up."

"Damn, there goes my new pillow." James swore, he had been sure that Sirius's Patronus would be a dog given his animagus form.

* * *

 **Reign of Tora**

* * *

 **Episode Three: Tuna or Meow Nya?**

* * *

"Mittens," Chrookshanks said as he sat down near the small kitten.

'Why can't you just leave me alone you demon cat?' Mittens thought, but didn't voice aloud that to the demon. "Yes, my wonderful and mighty lord?"

"I have learned how to speak in the human tongue." The orange tom puffed out his chest in pride. "Now I can get as much tuna as I could ever want. None will be able to deny me!"

"You learn how to speak it?!" Mittens squeaked. He had to learn how to communicate with humans, then maybe he could ask to be saved from the menace speaking to him. "How?!"

"Don't speak to me like that!" said menace growled as he unsheathed his claws threatening. "You will always address me with praise and worship."

"I'm sorry, I'm lucky to be graced with your awesome presence!" Groveled the black and white kitten.

"Better," Chrookshanks nodded. "And to answer your question I learned it all by my self by watching the human's talk. You may now praise me."

"You must be the smartest cat in all of existence to have managed such an incredible feat."

"Now listen to me speak the human word for tuna," the demon cat said. "Meow nya."

* * *

 **Finally I've gotten around to the Kisame!Sirius chapter, it's about time. Anyway James isn't any canon Naruto charater, he's just a random Nara. I had a lot of fun with this chapter, Sirius and James feed of each other so well and are really easy to**

 **write. It was fun, but what do you guy think about them? Would you like to see more of them at some point? And what reincarnation should I give Lilly?**

 **This chapter is about .3k words shorter then usual (not counting authors note.). There is a reason for this. I've been getting more busy with school and have less time and motivation to write. So I'm dropping the average words per chapter from 2k+ to 1.5k. I'll be able to keep updating at a minimum of one chapter ever two weeks that way.**

 **Now as for the Dark Mob Boss, well unless you want this storys updates to seriously slow down it will be a while before it posted. I'll work on it when I can, I'll aim for at least two-thee scenes per week.**

 **Still I was really appreciated it if you guy gave me ideas for scenes you'd like to see. I have my own ideas but the more the better. I want it to be as crazy and fun as possible. Plus I haven't decided wether or not Ron and Hermione get married, Hermione fled the country and Rons still looking for his dear Hermione-chan, she snapped and went crazy and became a Jashinist, or if there relationship will remain the same.**

 **Anyway please review! I need them!**

 _ **Siriusly**_ **I've been having Bleach plot bunnies attacking me all week, I've already drawn out a few scenes and have incoded the entire plot line of one (I encode all my story notes so they're unreadable to anyone but me.). I can't let my muse leave!**

 **And if I didn't respond to you review last chapter I'm sorry I've been really busy.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	34. Diviner of Fate

**I** **own nothing.**

 **Beta: Rainyrhapsody**

* * *

 **Diviner of Fate**

* * *

 **In Which Theodore Nott Is Into Fortune Telling & Daphne Deal's With His Insanity**

* * *

"You realize those don't really tell the future right?" Daphne asked as she took a seat in the compartment her childhood friend occupied. He was playing with a deck of tarot cards, of all thing.

"Daphne," Theo greeted, sighing at his friend's disbelief. "Just because you lack the ability to understand the ways of fate does not make it 'fake.'"

The Greengrass heir raised an eyebrow. "Prove it then."

"..." For a moment both eleven year olds were locked in a silent battle of wills but then Theo gave in. "Fine, draw five cards."

"Ok." Daphne drew five cards and handed them over to the boy.

"A sword, a castle, a snake, a group of friends, and the number nine," Theodore Nott muttered to himself as he looked over the cards.

"Why do you have those sort of cards in your deck?" the raven asked, because, seriously who has all of those cards in a deck that couldn't have been more then fifty cards?

"It's enchanted to contain whichever cards are needed." Theo didn't look up from the cards as he tried to piece together their meaning.

Daphne smirked. "It cheats you mean."

"It does not, now be quiet and let me read your cards."

"You'll totally be able to see my future."

"The sword means you were at the weapon shop yesterday."

"You need cards to figure that out?" The girl rolled her eyes. Theo knew her well enough to have know that already, and could have used cheating changing magic cards to fake a reading. "Real impressive."

The pureblood ignored his friends comment. "The castle obviously means Hogwarts...the snake's next so you'll be in Slytherin."

"My family's been in that house for generations, Mr. I-Have-An-Enchanted-Deck."

"The friend card and the number eight could mean that you'll make nine good friends or the number nine will mean something to your friends."

"Could?" Daphne was not impressed.

* * *

"A most Youthful greetings!" another eleven year old boy wearing a green, skin tight body suit yelled as he bursted into Theo and Daphne's compartment. "My name is Gregory Goyle! And this is my Youthful student Vincent!"

"Yosh!" a shorter boy, now known to be Vincent, grinned giving a thumbs up at his soon to be classmates. "May we join you in this compartment and become friend during our Spring Time of Youth?"

"No way in-" Theo was about to kick the two orange leg warmer wearing freaks out when Daphne stomped on his foot. "What was that for?"

"Sure." Daphne ignored Theo, instead nodding her head at the two green oddballs standing in the door way, for some reason she felt like they'd annoy her to hell, but it just seemed right. Geez, Theo was starting to get to her wasn't he? "I'm Daphne and this divination obsessed moron is Theo."

"It is not Youthful to call one's friend morons!" Gegory frowned disapprovingly.

"Well he deserves it for being stupid enough to buy tarot cards and beliving he can predict people's future now."

Vincent's eyes lit up at he began to Youthfully beg Theo to predict his future. "Cool! Do me! Do me! Please read my future!"

"N-" Theodore was about to refuse when he was cut off by Daphne once more. Why did she keep doing that?!

"Of course he will." Payback for infecting her with his 'fate' obsession. "Theo would be happy to."

* * *

"Come and be youthful with us friend!" Gregory cheered as he dragged a very reluctant Slytherin behind him.

"I am not your friend!" Theo hissed as he fought and failed to free his wrist. Unfortunately for Theo, Wizards in general were complete and utter wimps when it came to anything physical and Gregory and Vincent were stronger then most professional body builders. "This is kidnapping!"

"Yosh! Let us run one hundred laps around the lake!" Vincent ignored the Slytherin's wails. He knew the other boy was just faking. Daphne had told him it was all just a test to see how much they really wanted to befriend him. Theo didn't have to worry, Vincent would show him just how dedicated to being a friend he was! "And if we fail to complete such a youthful task by lunch, let us run two-hundred more!"

"What a youthful idea? Vincent!"

"Gregory!"

"Vincent!"

"Gregory!" A sunset appeared behind the two boys as they embraced.

"I knew I should have listened to Horoscope Weekly and just stayed in bed," Theo groaned as he weighed the pros and cons of attempting to trying to saw through his own arm. Gregory still hadn't let go of his wrist. "An unlucky day for Virgo's."

* * *

"Damn it," Daphne swore as she began to inspect the giant crack that she had put in the Mirror of Erised (not that she knew the enchanted mirror's name.). "Hope the school doesn't make me pay for that."

"Daphne," Theo said. The other student turned around, and Theo handed her a small mint green bag. "Take this."

"What is this?" Daphne asked suspiciously.

"A bag filled with four leaf clovers."

"Theo, I just broke a magical mirror that's probably extremely valuable school property." Daphne shock her head in annoyance. "This really isn't the time for your superstitious crap."

"Exactly Daphne, you broke a mirror." Theo nodded. "You'll need these clovers to balance out your new bad luck. Why do you think I have them with me?"

"Do you seriously carry around a bag of four leaf clovers all the time just in case you have to balance out someone's bad luck?"

"Yes." After all he had to be prepared for a black cat crossing his path, or if he walked under a ladder, or if he broke a mirror, or if he opened an umbrella inside, or if it was Friday the thirteenth, or if...

Daphne gave a sigh of exasperation. "You're a freak you know that?"

Theo rolled his eyes at the comment. "Just take the clovers."

* * *

Daphne scanned the male dorm room, it was a complete mess, with Theo in the middle of it. Objects were scattered across the floor and knowing Theo, they were all probably good luck charms of some kind. "What in Merlin's name are you doing Theo?"

"It's Friday the Thirteenth," Theo said as if that explained everything.

"So?"

"It's the most unlucky day of the year," Theo elaborated.

"It's also the safest day to drive," the weapons' geek countered.

"Drive?"

"It's a muggle thing." Daphne shook her head as she picked up one of the many cat statues on the floor. "But that isn't important. What is this?"

"That's a maneki-neko or beckoning cat, they're a symbol of good luck in Japan," Theo explained. "It's made out of jade which is lucky in China making the cat twice as lucky."

Daphne sighed as she gestured towards all the stuff on the floor. "I mean what all this is crap."

"Seven jade horse shoes, seven four leaf clovers, seven dream catchers, seven jade maneki-neko, and seven rabbit feet." Theo grinned. "With all of their combined luck I should be okay."

"What could possibly happen today that warrants all of this?" Daphne asked trying to be reasonable.

"Alien invasion, apocalyptic meteors, Malfoy discovering nuclear bombs, magnitude nine earthquakes, the Dark Lord returning, Blaise framing me for his latest step-father's death, Ron Weasley going on a killing spree, Harry putting some kind of narcotic in everyone pumpkin juice-"

"I give up." Daphne held up her hands in surrender. "Be crazy for all I care I'm going to class."

"Wait!" Theo said as he shoved one of the maneki-neko statues into his childhood friend hands. "Take this!"

"..."

* * *

 **The Fifth Hokage Hedwig**

* * *

 **Episode Four: Morning**

* * *

"One of these days I'll win," Tsunade muttered to herself as she perched in the Owlery rafters reading the morning muggle paper. "There's no way that any of these jokers can hold a candle to me."

"Yet you have won a grand total of five out of the forty-eight poker games. Muffin?" Onoki teased the snowy as he landed next to her, which was somewhat of a miracle, given that each of his talons held a small blueberry muffin. "Why'd you teach them how to play anyway?"

"Thank you Onoki," the former Hokage said as she took a muffin. "I taught them because I needed someone to gamble with."

"You should see someone about that gambling addiction." The eagle owl would have smirked if he was able. "Legendary sucker indeed."

"I do not!" Tsunade protested. "I can quit anytime I want."

"That's what Professor Snape says."

"Why don't you go see someone about your back problems old man," the snowy threw back.

* * *

 **Short chapter, but I've been busy with school and I still made the two week update deadline. I originally intended there to be more Neji-Gai-Lee interaction but I suppose I can save that for another time.**

 **Theodore Nott is obviously Neji.**

 **I was aiming to making him both calm and serious yet eccentric and a little crazy. I didn't want him to be to crazy since Neji is fairly level headed in my opinion, but I have more fun writing Charaters who are crazy then normal and they're more fun for you guys to read about. I went with his past obsession with fate for inspiration and made it fit the wizarding world. Did you enjoy him? Should I have him apear more often?**

 **On another note Gaara's reincarnation has been choosen. I'll do his chapter sometime in the near future. I want to have some fun with Draco, Luna, and Harry first.**

 **Review please! It really does help me get the motivation to write!**

 **Also ideas for Dark Mob Boss scenes are highly apresated!**

 **I'll even PM one of two scenes I already have written as a sneak peak to anyone to gives me two or more ideas!**

 **You can choose:**

 **A) Hermione contacting someone to _get rid_ of Ron, _preminatly._**

 **B) Colin pretending to be a Parkinson and stealing their gold.**

 **KYR OUT~**


	35. A Date At Honeydukes

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **A Date At Honeydukes**

* * *

 **In Which Draco and Luna Finally Go On A Propper Date & Fool Around In Honeydukes**

* * *

The moment that Draco entered Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop he scanned the room. The overly pink, frilly room and the teenage couples sitting at verious tables, kissing, flirting, holding hands...one pair were taking turns on who was sitting in their chair and the other under the table. It look like they were doing something that look suspiciously like they were trying to _attend_ to each other's _needs_. Draco had no doubt that the pair were on Third Base.

"Screw this, yeah. I am not going on a date with Luna in this unicorn shithole, yeah." swore the blonde as he stormed out of the pink establishment. "I'm gonna murder Dalpne next time I see her, yeah. It's a wonderful place, we go there all the time together, yeah. My ass, yeah."

Luna waved to her date as he exited the pink tea shop and started walking towards her. "Draco, you're early?"

 _'No. You are the one who is late.'_

"Shut up Itachi!" Luna hissed under her breath, she had been arguing with Yurei-san all morning about this date and she was sick of Itachi butting into her love life. "Just becuase I go on a date with a guy doesn't give you the right to act like a total prick!"

 _'Your going on date with a guy with_ _fetish for fire and making things go boom boom.'_

"I'm going to ignore you now." If Itachi hadn't been a voice in her head Luna would have been glaring daggers at the Uchiha.

"Hey Luna, yeah." greeted Draco as he reached Luna. "There's been a change of plans, we're going to have to go somewhere else, yeah."

"Ok," Luna shrugged it didn't really matter much to her where they went, but she had heard about those vampire at Honeydukes. "Let's go to Honeydukes, I heard that there maybe be vampire there. I've always wanted to see a vampire."

* * *

"These are so cool, yeah." Draco grinned as he grabbed a handful of Acidpops. "Hey, Luna, think they'll still work if I melt them down and put them in Harry's tea?"

"I don't see why not." Luna shrugged. "But why would you want to do that anyway?"

 _'Because he's evil?'_ Luna ignored that.

"Payback, yeah." the Gryffindor explained. "Harry switched my TNT for fire crackers last week, yeah."

* * *

"Look at these Draco!" Luna ran up to her date, scarlet colored lollipops in her hands. "Bloodpops, I knew they served vampire here Draco! Now we just have to find them!"

"Cool, yeah." Draco shrugged as he snatched one of the lollipops and began to unwrap it.

The Ravenclaw smiled, "I know I've always wanted to met a vampire."

"These aren't half bad, yeah." the other blonde said, the blood flavored candy in his mouth. "Where'd you find them, yeah?"

Luna eyes lit up. "Your a genius Draco! Of course the vampire's would be there!"

Draco pointed to the candy. "Actually I just want to buy more of these, yeah."

* * *

"Now this is what I call candy, yeah." the Malfoy heir laughed as he pocketed a dozen Pepper Imps. A candy that made those who ate it breath fire, how had he never thought of that? It was genius!

Luna looked over at her date, she recognized that laugh. It was the 'Happy-Pyro' laugh. "Pepper Imps?"

"Pepper Imps, yeah." Draco confirmed.

Luna's eyes sparkled as she asked, "Have you found the Exploding Bonbons yet?"

"First Pepper Imps and now Exploding Bonbons, yeah?" Draco had to resist the urge to break out in manical laughter, he didn't want to get thrown out of the shop after all. What else could there be? Exploding candy? "I have got to learn how to make these, yeah."

"Come on, I'll show you where to find them."

* * *

"Honeydukes Best Chocolate," wondered Draco as he looked at the candy in front of him. Would it set the eater's hair on fire? Incinerate their clothing? "What does this do, yeah?"

"Nothing." Luna answered the pyro's question.

"Seriously, yeah?" Draco raised a questioning eye brow at his date. It couldn't seriously do nothing, right?

"Yup." his fellow blonde confirmed, "Nothing."

"What a let down, yeah." Draco groaned. "After the Acidpops, Bloodpops, Exploding Bonbons and Pepper Imps you'd think that their best chocolate would be just as cool, yeah."

* * *

"That was really fun Draco," smiled Luna at the boy walking next to her. "We should do it again sometime."

 _'No, Luna you should not.'_

"So does this mean we're officially dating, yeah?" Draco grinned.

Luna nodded, "I'd like that."

 _'No! No! No!'_

"Awesome, yeah. Same time next week, yeah?"

"Sure." Again Luna nodded.

"Great, yeah!" cheered Draco, "See ya then, yeah. I've got to go tell Harry that I got a girlfriend before him, yeah."

* * *

' _How could you do that Luna?'_

"My love life isn't any of your concern Yurei-san." Luna growled annoyed. Itachi hadn't shut up about what a horrible person Draco was since her date with the blonde had ended. Sure her fellow blonde had his flaws, his pyromania for one, but he had good qualities as well. He was loyal and one of the most accepting people she had ever met.

' _I'm trying to look out for you Luna. Deidara is not good boyfriend material!'_

"Who?" Luna asked at the unfamiliar name, before shaking her head. "It doesn't matter, Yurei-san I can date who ever I please. I'm not a child any more."

' _He's dangerous dammit!'_

"Your over protective." Luna replied as she rolled her eyes, "Draco's less dangerous then Harry is."

 _'...that isn't very comforting.'_

* * *

 **Extra**

 **Tonks's and Nathan's First Date**

* * *

"We're never coming here again." Tonks muttered as Nathan and she exited Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. "Next time we go on a date we're going to The Hog's Head, at least they'll have some sake."

Nathan gave the girl next to him a disapproving sigh. "We're underaged Tonks."

"So?" the metamorphmagus shrugged. "It's not like wizards care about that sorta thing."

"That doesn't make it right."

"Fine." Tonks smirked. "Let's compromise, I put off drinking till I'm sixteen and you have to buy me dango when ever I want. Deal?"

"Deal." Nathan didn't hesitate, it might have seemed like a bad deal to some but the reincarnated chunin knew better. His girlfriend (he still couldn't believe they were a couple!) would have gotten him to buy her the dango one way or another, and at least this way he'd be able to put a temporary stop to her drinking. Sure sixteen wasn't twenty one but Nathan would take what he could get.

* * *

 **Owls of ROOT**

* * *

 **Episode 4: Interceptor**

* * *

"She will pay." Danzo growled as he glowered at the mission report in front of him. The 'High Inquistor' had been testing the old war hawk's patience for some time but this time she had go to far. Her Eagle Owls were no longer simply attacking the Hogwart student's mail owls, they had started attacking Danzo's messengers.

The owls making up his messengers were all much smaller then the Ministry's interseptors. His forces that could hold their own against enemy owls couldn't be used as messengers ether, they were to noticeable. There was only one option available to the Phoenix: _kill the interceptors_.

"Tell ROOT to prepare for war." Danzo ordered the Barn Owl who had delivered the report, "I want those Interceptors _dead_."

* * *

 **It's been a little while since my last update, I left a note on my profile explaining my reasons for it. I needed a break, I was going to burn out all my ideas and loose interest if I didn't have some time to chill, and it was the end of my third quarter so I needed to focus on my grades. I'm in the last quarter of my freshmen year and I need to focus on my work, it getting harder. I'm back, but I doubt update will be as often, I'll do my best though.**

 **Anyway I figured it was about time to have Luna and Draco go on an actual date so I went with it. If Luna seems to be treated Itachi differently then normal there is a reason for that, Itachi won't stop butting into her love life. Luna sees Itachi as an older brother and as much as she loves him she does get fed up with him at times.**

 **I had a lot of fun with Danzo, I original was stuck with what to do at the end before I remembered how Umbrige had owls intercepting the students mail. I figured Danzo wouldn't be pleased.**

 **I'm also including a sneak peak at the end, it's been a while since my last update so consider it a gift.**

 **Please review! Suggestions are loved!**

 **KYR OUT~**

* * *

 **Sneak Peak**

* * *

 _"You can his behiend me Hermione-chan, I'm not afraid of anything,"_

 _"I'll protect you for the boggart."_

 _"She doesn't need protecting."_

 _"Fuck off Lavender."_

 _"I'm ready Proffessor."_


	36. Unusual Boggart

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Unusual Boggarts**

* * *

 **In Which No One Important Casts Riddikulus & Ron Throws Himself Out A Window**

* * *

"Are you ready Miss Brown?"

Lavender took a deep breath of air, steeling her nerves before answering. "Yes Proffesor."

Lupin openned the closet and a rattle snake slithered out of it.

"R-Riddikulus!" the brunette stuttered pointing her wand at the approaching serpent. It didn't work. She could do this. She could do _this._ Lavender raised her wand. "Riddikulus!"

This time it worked. The snake had turned into a gummy worm.

* * *

"You can hide behiend me Hermione-chan, I'm not afraid of anything," Ron said puffing out his chest in an attempt to impress the object of his affections. "I'll protect you form the boggart."

"Shut up Ron," Lavender scowled at the future mass murder. "She doesn't need protecting."

"Go fuck yourself Lavender." the ginger growled as he flipped the brunette off, "I'm fucking sure nobody damn else would ever want to with a face as shitty as that."

"Psychotic bastard!"

"Weak pussy!"

"Sadistic fuck!"

"Bipolar bitch!"

"Son of a demon bitch!"

"Cheap hooker!"

Hermione stepped forward ignoring the two bickering Griffindors behiend her. "I'm ready Proffessor."

With that Lupid opened the wardrobe and the boggart stepped out. It had taken the form of a grinning blood covered Ron.

"Hermione-chan!" the Boggart practically sang her name as it raced over to her, covering the floor with the blood that practically dropped off of him. "Marry me! I love you!"

Hermione stuttered as the boggart Ron leaned in closer to her, it's nose almost touching her own. "R-Rid-"

"I kill all those people to show you how much I love your Hermione-chan!" the currently ginger boggart pulled the petrified third year into a hug, staining the front of her robs crimson. "I even started a cult to spread the word of Jashin-sama aren't you proud of me?"

Ron blinked, and turned his attention away from the piece of shit next to him to the boggart. A cult. "That's actually a really fucking good idea."

 _Agreed, my minion._

"Get off of me!" Hermione screamed, shoving the boggart away from her. "I quit! Fail me! I am not doing this!"

"Hermione-chan!" The boggart whined as the brunette ran out of the room.

"Hermione-chan!" Ron whined, mirroring the boggart version of himself.

* * *

"No, yeah!" Draco screamed at the boggart, helpless to do anything but watch as it took away all of his art supplies. "Stop it, yeah! You can't do this, yeah!"

"Hn." The boggart in the form of Itachi Uchiha contuied to walk in and out of the room, each trip bring another of Draco's 'toys' into the room where it was promptly disintegrated.

"Give that back, yeah!" the Malfoy heir protest as he watched the boggart destroy all of his modified flash bangs (he had turned them into mini bombs, each with enough power to blast through aw unenchanted stone wall). "This is illegal, yeah! I will sue your fucking ass for this, yeah!"

"Hn." The boggart ignored the pyromanics threat in favor of destroying a crate of grenades.

"Fuck you, yeah!" the enraged blonde swore at the boggart, "Those were American army grenades made during World War Two, yeah! They're antiques, yeah!"

The boggart was unbothered by the young wizard's cries.

"Not the C4, yeah! That's mine, yeah!" Draco could do nothing but scream as the boggart disposed of his presious explosive, "Give it back, yeah!"

"Hn."

"Hands off the TNT, yeah!"

"Hn."

"You can't take my dynamite, yeah!"

"Hn."

Draco saw red as the boggart reduced his last explosive to dust. Unable to move the pyro did the only thing left open to him: cuss the fucker out: "(BEEP) you (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) who (BEEP)(BEEP) his (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) mother (BEEP)(BEEP) then (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) go (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) yourself (BEEP)(BEEP) you (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) in the (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) and (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) you right in the (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) so you'll (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) will (BEEP)(BEEP)-"

"...Holy shit." Lavender had never heard such vulgarities in her entire life.

Ron whistled in approval. "I don't even fucking know if half of that shit is even anotomically possibly...and I know some pretty freaky shit."

 _With a mind like that that kid would make a very good Jashinist_.

The ginger nodded in agreement. "I fucking agree with you completely Jashin-sama."

 _Think we can convert him?_

Ron shrugged. "Depends on how fucking much explosives we have to fucking bribe him with."

 _Shit, I knew we shouldn't have spent all our money on that torture kit._

"We didn't know we might fucking need that cash," the Jashinist was quick to gloss over the possibility that his perfect God could have possibly made a mistake. "Plus you never fucking know when you might need a good fucking chainsaw."

"How is he still going?" Lavender wondered aloud, reminding the ginger next to her of her existence.

Draco was still cussing up a storm, "-(BEEP)(BEEP) with a (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) who (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) up your (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) on your (BEEP)(BEEP)-"

"I think Malfoy's forgotten he's supposed to fuck'n Riddikulus it."

* * *

"I'm sorry! I promise I'll repent!" The-Boy-Who-Lived groveled before the two beings that he feared above all else. "I'll never touch another poison again!"

"..." The elderly women said nothing as she stared at the third year before her with a look between disappointment and disapproval.

"..." The pink haired girl was also silent as she glared at him with barely restrained rage.

"I'll stop making the Dursley's life a living hell! I'll replace all of Dudley's pets that I killed!" Harry continued to ramble. "I'll never experiment on another house elf! I'll never spike anyone else pumpkin juice with a hallucinogen ever again!"

"..." His grandmother shook her head sadly, but remained silent.

"..." The pinkette simply cracked her knuckles threateningly.

"Please forgive me! I'll be good! I'll give to charity! I'll build a homeless shelter!" By this point Harry was sobbing hysterically, absolutely terrified of what the two people in front of him. "I'll donate the Potter fortune to orphans! I'll even start paying Collin!"

"..."

"..."

"Please say something dammit!" the raven's eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. "I'm sorry! I should have never swore at you! I'll write lines! Please don't kill me!"

"..."

"..."

* * *

"...This is fucking it?" Ron muttered as he stared blankly at the scene before him. The floor of the classroom was covered in dead bodies lying in centers of sacrifial circles and he was covered in blood. That bogart didn't seriously think that this would scare him right?

 _I have to agree with you my minion, this is rather disappointing._

"Is this damn thing fucking broken Professor?" The ginger asked. It was the only explanation that Ron could think of.

"...I don't _think_ so?" Remus's answer came out more like a question than an answer. Could boggart be broken? It had done some pretty _interesting_ things since the beginning of class and after so many kids could the creature simply be really tired?

"But this isn't fucking scary!" grinned Ron as he walked up to one of the bodies and nudged it with his shoe. "This is fuck'n awesome! Seriously look at the fucking bodies and the damn bloody circles on the fucking ground, they were clearly fucking sacrifed to the almighty Jashin-sama!"

"Ronald Billius Weasley!"

"Oh." Ron's eyes widened in realization and horror. The boggart had summon his mother. "Shit."

 _Your fucked._

His mother smiled sweetly at him, but the fury radiating off of her almost had her youngest son shaking in fear. "What did I tell you about killing people, Ronald?"

"That I can't kill a single damn person until I've fucking graduated?" Ron answered, internally debating the pros and cons of jumping out of the nearest window to escape. He was reasonably sure that he'd be able to surrive the fall with only a few broken bones, and if he didn't surrive, well it would better then what his mother would do to him. Still if he ended up breaking one of his legs he might not be able to get away and find a place to hid before she found him and he would have just made things worse for himself.

"And?" Molly Weasley demanded, a flame like aura erupting around her.

The reincarnated S-Class missing-nin and mass murder gulped, but obiendently answered, "And if I dared to put a single toe out of fucking line you make me wish that the fucking dementors had gotten me first and that I was in fucking Azkaban."

"So why is it that your standing in the middle of a room full of dead bodies covered in blood?"

"I didn't fucking do it!" Ron protested. "It was the damn boggart! I haven't even killed a fucking centaur yet! I swear that I'm fucking innocent!"

"I don't belive you."

 _I repeat your fucked. Nice knowing you Ron, I just want you know you were one of the best minions I ever had._

"Window it is." Ron muttered to himself before dashing over to the window and throwing himself out of it.

* * *

 **The Adventures of the Toad Sage**

* * *

 **Episode 3: Shame To All Toads**

* * *

"She's a disgrace to the entire toad race." Jiraiya complained to the snowy owl next to him, "Refill?"

Tsunade rolled her eye as she refilled the toad's cup (thin-bull). "It can't be as bad as what she's doing to the cats. I heard that she's worse to them than the fire daimyo's wife was to Tora."

"That hellspawn deserved it," Jiraiya growled darkly. "It was a demon, how else would it have lived as long as it did."

"I completely agree."

* * *

Up in Griffindor Tower Chrookshanks sneezed.

* * *

"But I'm serious about her shaming all toads," the toad sage said returning to the original topic, "I've heard the students calling her a toad. We're being assosated with her!"

"My condolences."

* * *

 **I had a lot of fun with this chapter. I did have some trouble writing Harry's boggart scene but that's to be expected he's the hardest charater for me to write. His boggart was also harder to decide on, Hermione was easy (Ron going on killing sprees to show his love for her.), Draco's was also really easy (being unable to make any of his art.), Ron's was almost too easy (his mother), and I just looked up Lavender's cannon fear online, I threw her in. as an after thought, but I like it.** **Harry was his grandmother and Sakura (Harry assosates her with his grandmother.) so I had to have them both apear but picking out what would** **follow was difficult. So if Harry's scene seems a bit lack luster that's why.**

 **I really hope you guys will enjoy it.**

 **And while it will be a while before I do another boggart chapter what do you think Itachi!Luna, Neji!Theo, Tenten!Daphne, Gai!Gregory, Lee!Vincent, Zabuza!Ginny, or Minato!Astro would be?**

 **Also would you like me to have Gaara apear in the chapter after the next one? I've had him planned out for a while now.**

 **Please review they really do motivate me to write~**

 **And as usual suggestions are loved!**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **P.s I'm marking this story as complete since technically given the way I'm writing it I could quit anytime and it would be finished. That's not to say I'm going to do that any time soon, just an explanation if anyone's curious.**

* * *

 **Sneak Peek**

* * *

 _"If I were dreaming about them I would be scared."_

 _"No, I've just been dreaming about my god father being tortured in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic."_

 _"...You know we haven't broken any major laws yet, yeah."_

 _"I think commuting multiple counts of homicide is breaking a major law."_

 _"So, yeah? We should totally break into the Ministry of Magic, yeah. It'd be so much fun, yeah."_


	37. Department of Mystery Part 1

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Department of Mystery**

* * *

 **Part 1**

* * *

 **In Which Draco Onces Again Blows Shit Up & Discovers The Veil**

* * *

"Dude, you look like shit, yeah." Draco said as his best friend sat down across from him. "You look like you haven't slept in a week, yeah."

Harry shot the blonde an unamused glare. "Pass me the damn coffee."

"Have bad dreams been waking you up at all night, yeah?" the blonde teased. "The almightly Harry Potter scared of a few bad dreams, yeah."

"Draco shut the fuck up and pass me the damn coffee." Harry snapped as he glared venom at his best friend. Briefly The-Boy-Who-Lived found himself wondering why he was best friends with the bastard. Right, they were the only ones crazy enough to put up with one another...and things had just sorta worked out like that.

Draco rolled his eyes as he passed the coffee. "Here, yeah. No need to bite my head off, yeah. But seriously bad dreams, yeah."

"They're not frightening in the least." Harry muttered before taking another sip of coffee. He was feeling better already. Thank Kami for caffeine. It was a little sour though. "They just keep waking me up in the middle of the night. Sugar."

"What are they about, yeah? Your dead grandmother and her pink haired sidekick, yeah?" Draco teased as he handed over the sugar bowl. "Pass the syrup, yeah."

"If I were dreaming about them I would be scared." the raven shook his head, handing the bottle of syrup over. "No, I've just been dreaming about my god father being tortured in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic."

"...You know we haven't broken any major laws yet, yeah."

"I think commuting multiple counts of homicide is breaking a major law." Harry pointed out, taking another sip of his coffee. "No to mention all the arson."

"I meant recently, yeah." the Malfoy heir shrugged as he took a bite of syrup soaked bacon. "We should totally break into the Ministry of Magic, yeah. Think of all the mayhem we could cause, the things we could blow up, yeah."

Harry sighed. "I don't have anything better to do today."

"Great, yeah! We'll need lots of spray paint and explosives, yeah."

* * *

"What's he doing here, yeah?" Draco growled, pointing an accusing finger at the younger student behind The-Boy-Who-Lived. "He'll only hold us back, yeah. I bet he doesn't even know the difference between TNT and dynamite, yeah."

"Collin's my minion."

"So, yeah?"

"Just becuase you don't have a minion doesn't mean that I can't bring mine." Harry pointed out. "Plus he's really good at hiding bodies."

"But I don't want to hide the bodies, yeah." the blonde whined.

"He'll be quiet and carry our stuff, won't you Collin?"

"Of course Harry-sama." Collin nodded dutifully.

* * *

"A phone booth, yeah." the blonde pyro complained. "Geez you'd think with all the magic wizards have they would have come up with something a little cooler than this glorified elevator, yeah."

Harry raised an eye brow the trio entered the phone booth. "There are magical toliets that we could flush ourselves down instead."

Draco gagged dramaticly."Let's stick with the glorified elevator, yeah."

"I thought so. Now move out of the way both of you, I need to see the dial." the raven maneuvered over to the dial and carefully punched in the number. "6-2-4-4-2."

"Please state your name and the reason for your visit." an almost mechanical voiced asked.

"Artur Isforevr, to break several laws."

"Ceefor Isart," Draco smirked as he came up with his alias, it was way better then Harry's, "To blow shit up, yeah."

"Min Yon, to follow orders." chirped Colin.

"Thank you for your cooperation." the voice said as three badges apeared on the soon to be law breaking trio.

* * *

"...I think we might have gone a little over board." Harry commented as he looked over graffiti decorating the walls.

"Nah, yeah. I like it, yeah." Draco grinned as he pulled out the fireworks that Luna had given him for his last birthday. "But I think it's missing something, yeah."

"I'll add the hallucinogen." The raven shrugged as he headed towards the fountain.

"And I'll rig the fire works, yeah." the pryo smirked as he trailed behind The-Boy-Who-Lived. "By the way what don't you just poison it, yeah?"

"I've found that using a hallucinogen tends to cause more chaos when it comes to wizards. Plus while they'd never be able to catch me, let alone charge me I don't want there to be a murder investigation. It could make it harder to get my hands on certain poisons and potion ingredients."

* * *

"Very good Potter," said Lucius Malfoy as he stepped dramaticly out of the shadows. "Now give me the prophecy."

Harry ignored the man and the miniature hoard of Death Eaters that had apeared with him in favor of trying to get the prophecy orb thingy in his hand to work. "How does this thing work?"

"Maybe it's broken?" Collin suggested helpfully, following his idols example and ignoring the masked men.

"I said to give me the prophecy." the head of the Malfoy family repeated.

Harry shook his head. "I doubt it Collin."

"Should we steal it and find someone who knows how these thing work later?" The ginger asked holding up the empty spray paint bag.

"Good Collin," The-Boy-Who-Lived nodded approvingly at his student/minion. "Your learning."

Collin beamed at the praise.

By now Lucius Malfoy was tried of being ignored by the two children in front of him. "Stop ignoring me and hand over the prophecy!"

"Hey Father, Auntie Bella, yeah." Draco greeted his relatives as he walked passed them and up to his two fellow law breakers. "What'd you guys find, yeah?"

"A prophecy about Harry-sama."

"Let me guess," the blonde paused dramaticly, "He's the chosen one, yeah."

"We don't actually know what it says." the younger boy shrugged sheepishly. "We can't figure out how these thing work."

"...What are you doing here Draco?" Lucius asked as he recovered from the shock of seeing his son here of all places.

Draco grinned. "Breaking several major laws and totally getting away with it, yeah."

"Draco I am going to pretend that you where never here and you are going to go back to school right now." Lucius almost sighed as he order his son to leave, before turning his attention back to The-Boy-Who-Lived. "And you, Harry Potter are going to give me that prophecy."

Draco snorted. "No way, yeah."

Harry glared at the man. "I stole it first, it's mine."

* * *

" _Expulso, Expulso, Expulso, Expulso, Expulso_ , yeah!" Draco cackled as he blew up another dozen rows of prophecy orbs as he sent his secound favorite spell in the vague direction of one of the Death Eaters. He was having to much fun to kill them just yet."Burn baby burn, yeah! _Incendio Tria_ , yeah!"

" _Protego_! Your kid's fuck'n insane Malfoy! Shit!" Walden swore as he dove out of the way of yet another of the kids over powered _Expulso_ s only to fine himself face to face with a blast of fire. " _Aguamenti! Protego! Stupefy! Stupefy! Aguamenti! Protego_!"

" _Flagrante, Flagrante, Flagrante, Flagrante, Flagrante, Flagrante_ ," this time instead of aiming at his opponents the blonde focused his spells on the prophecy orbs surrounding him, super heating them. " _Wingardium Leviosa,_ yeah!"

" _Protego Maxima_!" Terrance Nott barely managed to raise a shield around himself and Walden before the brat launch his barrage of blazing orbs, which he then destroyed with a volly of _Reductor_ s. " _Reductor! Reductor! Reductor! Reductor! Reductor! Reductor_! You okay, Walden?"

"Yeah, thanks Terrance, _Aqua Eructo_!" Walden nodded before sending a jet of water at the fifth year student who was totally kicking their asses, blocking his _Incendio Duo_.

" _Incendio Tria_ , yeah!" Draco laughed as he sent yet another wave of flames at his victims. " _Incendio, Incendio, Incendio_ , yeah!"

"How can a kid be this good? _Stupefy_!" Terrance growled, dodging the kid's fire balls and sending a stunner at him. If only they were allowed to kill the brat, but no, he was Lucius son so he got to live. They were the one who weren't going to live! "He's not even taking us seriously! _Aguamenti_!"

* * *

" _Avada Kedavra_!" Yet another deadly green light was fired at the ginger fourth year, who surprisingly wasn't dead yet dispite being faced with three Death Eaters who were doing their best to murder him.

" _Wingardium Leviosa_!" Colin sent a near by prophecy into the green curse, effectively blocking it. He had a plan. " _Defodio! Fumos_!"

A gorge ripped it's way through the ground causing a mini-earthquake knocking Colin's foes out of balance. Then a cloud of smoke enveloped the area, hiding everything and everyone from view.

"Give up already kid."

"Yeah, come on, I'll make your death quick."

"A smokescreen can't save you."

"It's not supposed to. _Accio Death Eater's shoes_!" With that all three of the Death Eaters fell dropping their wand and Colin promptly ended two of them and suspended the other in midair. " _Bombarda! Bombarda! Wingardium Leviosa_!"

The Death Eater struggled vainly to escape the ginger's spell. "Put me down!"

Colin smiled sweetly at the man. "You know I've always wondered what would happen if I used my favorite spell on a human. It's meant to cleave the earth after all. I'd never use Harry-sama's test subjects and I haven't gotten around to obtaining my own yet. You'll be my first time experiment of my own."

"Please," the Death Eater begged. "Let me go!"

Colin let the man drop to the floor. "...Ok."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank y-"

" _Defodio_." Colin watched as the man was ripped apart. So the spell technically still worked on humans. "A mix between a cutting and blasting curse...awesome!"

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"I got a girlfriend, yeah." Draco practically sang as he walked into the dorm room fully intent on teasing his best friend over the fact that the raven did not.

"It's about time you and Luna hooked up." Harry said closing his book. "I'll go tell everyone so I can collect my winnings."

"You bet on Luna and me getting together, yeah?" Draco shook his head. "...I get a cut right, yeah?"

"Yeah, I used various aliases to put down every bet so I'd make a ton of money no matter when you too got together." Harry nodded. "I'll give you ten percent."

"Twenty, yeah."

"Fifteen."

"Done, yeah. But don't you care that I got a girlfriend before you, yeah?"

"Not really." Harry shrugged. "I'll go get my money."

* * *

 **I am literally splitting this chapter in half and added the extra, it's already over 1.8k words and growing.**

 **Anyway I've started posting The Dark Mob Boss, I revised the originally plot and planned it all out. I'm going to be posting it scene by scene chronologically, instead of as a giant one shot. So go check it out.**

 **Please review! It really motivates me to write!**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **Aliases-**

 **Harry - Artur Isforevr = Art is forever**

 **Draco - Ceefor Isart = C4 is Art = Art is an Explosion**

 **Collin - Min Yon = Minion**


	38. Department of Mystery Part 2

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Department of Mystery**

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

 **In Which Draco Onces Again Blows Shit Up & Discovers The Veil**

* * *

" _Diffindo. Colloshoo. Accio_ prophecy." Harry didn't slow down his assault, killing on of his opponents with a Severing Charm, immobilizing another, and blocking a killing curse. He had been fighting seven (six now) adult wizards, and he was not arrogant enough to think he could take that number anything but seriously. " _Avada Kedavra._ _Depulso._ "

The immobilized Death Eater dropped dead, unable to dodge The-Boy-Who-Lived's killing curse and his Banishing Charm took another Death Eater out of the fight, blasting him through a number of shelves and knocking him unconscious. Two more down, only four more left.

"I'll kill you! _Avada Kedavra_!" One of the remaining Death Eaters screamed, sending a killing curse at Harry, who dodged it and sent a killing curse of his own back at the man.

"Don't kill him you fool! _Incarcerous_!" Bellatrix shouted as she sent ropes at the fifth year in front of her. "The Dark Lord wants him alive you fool! _Immobulus_!"

" _Diffindo. Protego. Bombarda Maxima._ " Harry slashed Bellatrix ropes and blocked her spell, sending one of his own back at her. He couldn't kill Bellatrix or Lucius, Draco would make his life a living hell for the next year. He had to deal with the other two Death Eaters before he could focus on taking them out with non lethal force. " _Deletrius_. _Reductor._ _Avada Kedavra_."

Another Death Eater went down, disintegrated by Harry's _Deletrius_. The Death Eater who dodged his _Reductor_ ran right into his _Avada Kedavra_. Only two were left. Lucius and Bellatrix, and since Lucius seemed to be trying to stay out of the battle as much as possible Bellatrix was the only major threat.

" _Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy!_ "

" _Protego. Bombarda_." Harry blocked Bellatrix's volly of spells before summoning a smoke screen and locating the witch in it. " _Fumos_. _Point Me_ Bellatrix."

" _Immobulus_! Stop hiding brat!" Bellatrix screeched firing blindly into the smoke. " _Immobulus_! _Immobulus_! _Immobulus_!"

" _Depulso_. _Immobulus."_ the Boy-Who-Lived sent Bellatrix flying and immobilized her with the spell she had been casting at him only secounds before. Next he turned his attention to Lucius. " _Point Me_ Lucius. _Stupefy."_

* * *

"Colin, report." Harry ordered as the ginger walked up to him.

"I fought three Death Eaters, and killed all three." Colin stood up a little straighter eager to impress his idol. "I used _Fumos_ to blind them, then _Accio_ on their shoes to unbalance them, I killed two of them, then I tested what would happen if I used _Defodio_ on the last one, killing him. When used on a human _Defodio_ acts like a mix between a cutting and blasting spell."

"I'm proud of you Colin," Harry patted the other boys head, that's what people did when they were proud of their dogs so doing the same to his minion seemed appropriate. "You are the most competent minion I have ever seen."

Colin beamed.

"Harry, I figured out how the prophecy things work, yeah." Draco said holding out his hand. "Gimme the orb, yeah."

"...How did you figure it out, Draco?" Harry looked at the blonde suspiciously. "And Colin."

Colin smiled, ready to serve. "Yes, Harry-sama?"

"Go hide the bodies." Harry ordered before turning his attention back to the blonde next to him.

"I was playing around with one with Luna's name on it while I was waiting for you two to finish up," the pyro shrugged, "And I got it to work, yeah. Aparently she's going to find a real Crumple-Horned Snorkack, yeah."

"Fine." Harry said giving in and handing the prophecy to Draco.

"Thanks, yeah." Draco smashed it.

The Boy-Who-Lived glared. "There better be a very good reason for you doing that or I'll make you wish that you were never born."

Draco rolled his eyes at his best friend's threat."Just watch, yeah."

From the shattered glass that had once been the prophecy orb thingy smoke rose and took the from of their Divination Professor of all people.

 _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches._

 _Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies._

 _And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not._

 _And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives._

 _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies._

"...You really are the chosen one, yeah." Draco muttered slightly disappointed, the prophecy was for lack of a better word lame compared to what he'd expected. Harry was the Chosen One and had to kill Lord Snake Face. Boring. "Wanna go see if we can find some cool stuff to steal or destroy, yeah?"

"Sure," Harry shrugged, "Let's see if we can find any time turners."

* * *

"Are those _brains_ , yeah?" Draco asked as he knocked on the glass tank, peering inside it trying to figure out if the brain like objects floating in it were really...well brains. "They are brains, yeah. What the fuck is the Minsitery doing with all these brains, yeah?"

"It isn't very a surprising considering how stupid wizards are." Harry pointed out jokingly. "They need all the brains that they can get."

"That was a really bad pun, yeah." the blonde said not taking his attention way from the tank of brains. "And this is creepy as hell, yeah."

"It's certainly disturbing." Harry agreed.

"Says the kid who had his minion dig up his parents corpse and make giant puppets out of them, yeah. What ever happened to those anyway, yeah? I haven't seen them in years, yeah."

"I'm storing them in a secure location." The Boy-Who-Lived shrugged. "I am not going to risk something or someone destroying them."

"...So wanna take some of these back to school as souvenirs, yeah?"

* * *

" _Deletrius._ " Colin nodded to himself as the last of the Death Eaters that his idol had killed body disintegrated, leaving no trace that it had ever been there other then a pile of dust that the fourth year student casually vanished. "Eight down, just Draco's two to go."

It was rather easy to locate the pyro's kills, all the ginger had to do was follow the destruction lelf behind by the fire and explosions the Malfoy heir was so fond of. Sure enough Colin found the first body blown to pieces in the center of a crater.

"This might take a while." the minion muttered to himself as he set to work. Sadly _Deletrius_ only disintegrated wholes, it wouldn't take care the body parts, blood, and guts covering the ground in front of him. Draco was rarely one for clean kills. At least Colin had a spell that would take care of all the blood. " _Scourgify_."

* * *

"The security here sucks, yeah." Draco said frowning as he slipped ten timeturners into his jacket. "It should not have been this easy to steal all of these, yeah."

"Are you really complaining about this?" the raven rolled his eyes as he helped himself to twenty timeturners. "Wizards are morons and that makes it easier for us to commit crimes."

"But that fact that these weren't even locked up is just plain insulting, yeah."

"I repeat wizards are morons."

* * *

Draco stared curiously at the black arch in the center of the room. "What is this, yeah?"

"I don't know." the raven next to him shrugged.

"It's like it calling to me, yeah." Draco muttered as he moved closer to the strange structure. He could hear it whispering something in his ear, but he couldn't figure out what it was saying to him.

"Same here, but I would not advising touching it." Harry took a step away from the arch, after all anything magical that remotely resembles compulsion was to be looked at with extreme suspicion. "This arch is clearly magical and we don't know what it does."

"I'm going to touch it, yeah."

The Boy-Who-Lived sighed. "Do you listen to anything I say?"

The moment that the Malfoy heir's fingers made contact with the arch he jerked away from it screaming his head off. "Aaaahhh!"

Draco then proceeded to pass out.

"And that is why you do not touch clearly enchanted arches of unknown magic power that call out to you." Harry sighed again as he nudged his best friends unconscious body with his foot. "Idiot."

* * *

 _A wave of memories hit Draco like a tidal wave, Deidara remembered everything, Iwa, old man Onoki, becoming a missing-nin, that_ damn Uchiha _, the Akatsuki, Sasori, capturing the Ichibi, Sasori's death, Tobi, the Sanbi, fighting the young Uchiha, becoming art and obliterating that red eyed brat._

 _So many memories. To many memories. They weren't his. Draco knew that they didn't belong to him, he was a crazy pyro but he wasn't a ninja! He didn't have awesome hand mouths! They were his memories! Deidara knew that they were his. He's just forgotten. No he hadn't they weren't his! They were so! No they were! He was_ _Draco/Deidara! That wasn't his name! Yes it was!_ _It hurt his head. He couldn't figure out who he was._

 _Assimilate._

 _He was both. They both loved fire and explosions. They were both blonde. They were both murders. They were both were real artists, true art was an explosion not some stupid eternal thing that last for ever like that shitty artist Sasori/Harry. What a minute...Bloody hell he wasn't the only one who was two people. Who else? Jashin. Ron and Hidan! Paper. Konan and Hermione! What till Leader-sama finds out that Hidan is after his girl! Priceless! Who else? Colin? Doesn't match. Uchiha bastards? Don't think so. Tobi? Thank Kami no-wait thats why Harry's so scared of his nonexistent grandma and pinkettes! I'll never let him live it down!-_

* * *

"What happened, yeah?" Draco asked as he regained consciousness. His head was killing him. "I fell like someone hit me over the head with a steel beam...multiple times, yeah."

"You were a complete idiot."

"I was not, yeah." the pyro protested, he couldn't remember the what exactly had knocked him out...or anything passed stealing a few brains, but what ever he had done wasn't idiotic. Probably. Maybe.

The Boy-Who-Lived rolled his eyes. "Only and idiot would touch a clearly magical object of unknown power that almost compels you to touch it?"

"..."

Harry smirked triumphantly. "I thought so."

"Fuck you, yeah." Draco growled.

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"I'm telling you, yeah." Draco insisted. "The leaves clearly say that your a shitty excuse for an artist and your a disgrace to true artists everywhere, yeah."

"I highly doubt that Draco," Harry shook his head in disagreement. "If anything it's about how I have to deal with a shitty artist who is a disgrace to the true meaning of art."

"You clearly lack any talent in the art of divination, yeah." the blonde growled at his divination partner.

The Boy-Who-Lived glared at his best friend. "You clearly lack any artistic talent."

"Fuck you, yeah!" Draco hissed. "You won't know true art if it set you on fire, yeah! You'd burn to death, yeah!"

"You must be delusional if you think fire and explosions are true art!" the raven shot back. "Art is eternal!"

"Art is an explosion, yeah!"

"Art is eternal!"

"Art is an explosion, yeah!"

"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter! Stop this at once!" Professor Trelawney ordered pointing at them. "I see death in your futures!"

Gryffindor's resident pryomanic yawned. "I call bullshit, yeah."

"Of course there's death in our future," Harry pointed out dismissively, more interested in fighting with the blonde sitting next to him then his professors ramblings. "I want to be a mob boss when I grow up, and Draco's a Death Eater, it's in the job description."

"Dude, that was low, yeah."

"It was." Harry admitted. "Your a way more compatent killer then any Death Eater."

"Thanks man, yeah." Draco nodded. "Truce till class is over, yeah?"

"Sure." the raven said accepted the temporary truce.

"Mr. Malfoy."

"What is it teach, yeah?" the pyro asked turning his attention to his professor.

" _Beware the man with the red eyes who wields a blade of lighting, for if you give into your hatred and desire for revenge you will meet death at your own hands as you create your final master piece._ " Professor Trelawney spoke, her voice deepening as she recited the words.

The pryo blinked, surprised and a little confused. "Was that an actual prophecy, yeah?"

"I don't know." the raven shrugged.

"Mr. Potter," Trelawney said turning towards the Boy-Who-Lived. " _After the raccoon is sealed away, at the hands of your grandmother and the pink haired one you will find your match_."

"And you told me that my fears were irrational." Harry smirked as he glanced at Draco.

* * *

 **Team of Dragons**

* * *

 **Episode 4: Baby Dragon**

* * *

"Your a cute baby Sensei." Flare teased the smaller dragon as he lay face down in the dirt after yet another of his failed attempts at flight. "I'm sure you'll fly eventually. You just have to be a patient baby dragon."

"Naruto." The reincarnated jounin tried growled threatening, but instead sounding more adorable then anything.

"What is it Sensei?" the Chinse Fireball asked smiling. "You want me to carry you back to your nest?"

"Shut up or I swear I'll find a way to stop our handlers from giving you ramen."

Flare looked at her sensei with horror, "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

* * *

 **Serious fight scenes are hard. Originally I planned for Harry to toy with the Death Eaters, but I couldn't see Harry taking seven fully trained wizards anything but seriously. It took ages for me to write it. I have a new respect for writers who write them.**

 **As for the Veil, well I've always related it to death and I've read to many fanfiction where it was a gate between dimensions so the idea sorta blended. Draco's and Harry's souls are not of this world so the Veil calls to them, trying to drag them out of this world. Becuase of this mix of dimensional death magic it temporarily returned Deidara's memory when he touched it, but the moment he woke up he forgot it all. He's not suppose to remeber anything after all.**

 **I did my best to make that scene as confusing and disorinating as possible. It's suppose to be Draco/Deidara's mind while knocked out and having another life time (even if Deidara did die young.) is not pleasent and of course he's going to be confused about who he is. Did I do it right?**

 **I throw in the extra after I realized that Draco and Harry haven't had a fight over the true meaning of art for a while and that the main chapter was more serious and less funny than usual, I also added more funny scenes (Colin hiding bodies, brains). I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **This is also my longest chapter yet, it's around 2.5k not counting the authors note.**

 **The next chapter is suppose about Gaara's reincarnation Blaise Zabini and while I've got a general idea of what I'm going to do with him (killing all of his mothers husbands for various reason becuase he's such a mama's boy) I'm hitting a few pits of writers block so ideas are welcome. I'm thinking about postponing Gaara and working on it on the side till I'm satisfied with it and the ideas.**

 **Please review, it really does mean a lot to me~**

 **On another completely unrelated note involving me, I got electucuted this week. At school taking my iPad charger out of the wall at the end of sixth period. A completely dry charger. I'm pulled away immediately but my left hand (the one that had grabbed the charger-I'm righted though so that was lucky) went all twitchy. It was a very odd experience becuase I had complete control over my hand, but my fingers kept twitching. It was like when people get electuted in cartoons and their whole body twitch expect it was just my hand. I couldn't make it go limp ether-instead when I made it go limp my fingers (save my thumb for some reason) loosely clenched. I had to go to the ER to get myself checked out to make sure it hadn't done anything to my heart. I was fine. They gave me some medicine for the muscle spasms. The twitching lessened over time. It was interesting experience that's for sure. It also weirdly didn't hurt after the initial shock-the moment I let go of the charger it stopped and after that my hand was twitchy. Anyway I do not recommend getting electrocuted.**

 **KYR OUT~**

 **The Dark Mob Boss is out so if your interested go check it out~**


	39. Unchallenging Trials

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Unchallenging Trials**

* * *

 **In Which Harry Kicks Draco Down A Hole & Draco Kills His First Teacher**

* * *

"Isn't it perfectl Youthful evening to spend with one's most Youthful friends?" Vincent laughed as he slapped the brunette sitting next to him on the back. "We can tell Gregory all about it when he get out of the hospital wing! No! We can hang out Youthfully together again!"

"Daphne," Theo begged the girl sitting across from him. "Please just kill me now."

"Vincent I think that Theo looks a bit down in the dumps. He needs a hug of Youth to make him feel Youthful again." Daphne just smirked evilly at her horrified childhood friend. For some reason Proffessor Snape wasn't at dinner to night, so he wouldn't be able to come and save Theo from the neon green body suit wearing monster trying to hug him.

* * *

"I'll have just one more glass." a certain potion Proffessor mutter to himself as he finished of his cup of firewhiskely. He had been telling himself that for the past hour, but this time he really meant it. "I'll stop after the next one."

* * *

"It's asleep, yeah." Draco complained stamping his foot in annoyance. "I was prepared for an awesome duel to its death, yeah. This is a total let down, yeah."

Harry rolled his eyes as he pushed the door fully open and entered the same room as the blonde pyro and the Cerberus. "You crazy you know that Draco?"

"I'm a batshit insane pyromanic, of course I'm crazy, yeah." the blonde smirked as he walked up to the magical guard dog. "Come on help me move it's paw, yeah. It's blocking the trap door, yeah."

"Move out of the way and I'll use magic." the Boy-Who-Lived ordered pulling out his wand. " _Wingardium Leviosa_."

"I can't see the bottom, yeah." Draco muttered to himself as he stared down the trapdoor. He turned to the raven behind him. "Rock-paper-scissors, yeah?"

"Sure." Harry nodded.

"Rock paper scissors shoot: scissors!"

"Rock paper scissors shoot: paper, yeah!"

"Damnit, yeah." Draco swore.

Harry smirked as he kicked the blonde in the back, sending him plummeting into the darkness. "See you at the bottom."

"Fuck you, yeah!" the pyro screamed as he fell.

"Did you die?!" the Boy-Who-Lived called down. "Cause if you did I'm totally taking all of your explosive selling them online!"

"I'm alive asshole, yeah! It's just some Devilsnare, yeah!" A very pissed off pyro shouted back. "And if you lay a single fucking hand on my stuff I'll burn your house down, yeah!"

"I don't care! Burn it to ashes of you want!" Harry taunted. "It's my relatives dumbass!"

"I burn your creepy puppet workshop, yeah!"

"I'd kill you!"

"I'd kill you first, yeah! I'm burning the Devilsnare, yeah! Good luck finding something to break you fall, yeah! I'm not catching you, yeah!" Draco grinned madly as he casted his favorite spell. " _Incendio_!"

* * *

"This is lamer then the sleeping dog, yeah." Draco complained as he paced the room, bored out of his mind. It had been three minutes since Harry had started working on the door. How long does it take to open a freaking door. "There is nothing remotely deadly about this, yeah. I mean the Cerberus was alseep but it could have totally tried to kill us if it had been awake, yeah. The Devilsnare was no match for me, but it is known to kill people, yeah. This is just a room full of flying keys, yeah."

"Shut up Draco." the Boy-Who-Lived growled at his partner in crime. "I need to concentrate."

"I wonder if they explode, yeah?" Draco mused looking up at the keys. "They could just look like harmless innocent keys to lure us into a false sense of security before they swarm us and explode, yeah. I haven't bothered learning the shield spell yet, have you, yeah?"

"It's _Protego_ ," Harry snapped at the pyromanic behiend him. "Now shut up and let me pick this lock!"

* * *

"A game of chess?" Harry was starting to get annoyed. He was starting to agree with the pyromanic, this was lame. He had expected a challenge, but the supposed trials were more like a bunch of jokes. The dog was asleep, Draco set the Devilsnare on fire, and he picked the lock on door in the last room. Now all he had to do was win a game of chess? "We have to play a fucking game of chess?"

"Screw this, yeah." Draco huffed as jumped off the giant chess board walking around to the door at other side of the room. "I'm so not dealing with this bullshit, yeah."

* * *

"The fuck, yeah?" Draco swore as he glared at the unconscious troll in the middle of the room. "Why is the troll already knocked out, yeah! We're supposed to be the ones who blow it up, yeah."

"You can still blow it up you know." Harry pointed out, uncharacteristicly willing to let a potential puppet be obliterated. As the ruined chess set in the room behiend them could attest, Draco wasn't the only one completely fed up with the lack of challenge. "But I have to agree this is really starting to get on my nerves."

"I can tell, yeah." the blonde pyro smiled tauntingly at the raven next to him. "You threw three dozen acidic smoke bombs at that chess set, yeah. I'm usually the one destroying stuff, yeah. You really lost your cool, yeah."

"I admit I did loose my temper for a moment," the Boy-Who-Lived grumbled blushing slightly. His little outburst earlier was rather embarrassing and the pyro wasn't going to let him forget about it any time soon. "But my actions are perfectly justifiable."

"What ever helps you sleep at night, yeah." Draco smirked.

* * *

"A riddle," the Boy-Who-Lived said rolling his eyes. "This might have been interesting if I wasn't an expert in poisons and didn't know my basic fire potions."

"I knew you'd realize the true meaning art one day, yeah." Draco grinned proudly at his best friend slapping him on the back. "I'm so proud of you man, yeah."

"Art is eternal moron." Harry growled pushing the blonde away. "I know about fire potions because I live in the same dorm as a certain pyromanic and I have to know how to counter everything he might possible think up. It's the same reasons I've mastered over twenty water spells."

"Fuck you shitty artist, yeah." Draco huffed before turning his attention back to the matter at hand. "So which bottle is it, yeah?"

 _"_ It's the small blue bottle." Harry said as he picked up the potion.

"Gimme, yeah." the pyro demanded holding out his hand. "There isn't enough in there for both of us, yeah."

"I have more in my pocket." the Boy-Who-Lived pulling a blue potion filled vial out of one of the many expanded pockets in his robe and handed it to the blonde. "Here."

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"If I'm going to conquer Hawaii I'm going to have to be fast. I can't let them call in the army." Colin muttered to himself as he looked at his map of the Hawaiian islands. "I'll have to take Oahu first. It's got the only major city on it, and most of the state's magicals are located in Honolulu City."

Colin turned to his desk to jot down a few notes. Everything would have to be perfect if he had any hope of pulling this off and giving his idol a chain of tropical islands for his eighteenth birthday. Hawaii would also be his practice run for his true plan.

"I'll need to target only the magical part of the islands, I can't having the muggle side getting involved or I'll lose." the ginger minion said as he began drawing up the first draft of his battle plan. "I'll need to take down a few wards-actaully I put up a few of my own. I'll have to look into a time freezing ward or maybe just an island wide temporary petrifaction of all magicals?"

* * *

 **Reign of Tora**

* * *

 **Episode 4: Thumbs**

* * *

"Cats should rule the world." Chrookshanks ranted as he lounged on his human's pillow. "Humans were born to serve us."

"Of course they were, my lord." Mittens said obediently as he bathed his demonic overlord.

"We should be being worshiped. Temples should be built to honor us." the giant orange tom contuinued. "We're superior to humans in every way save one. There is only one thing that we need in order to over throw the human race and take our places as this world's rightful rulers..."

"What is that, my lord?" the small kitten asked as he began washing the hellspawn that called itself a cat.

"Thumbs." Chrookshanks smirked evilly. "And I know how we're going to get them. We'll post pictures of thumbs photoshopped onto cats and then some muggleborn witch or wizard will see them and use magic to give them to us, and then we will rule the world!"

"What a genius idea my lord." Mittens praised the devil that had forced him into servitude.

* * *

 **I have made a lot of progress on Gaara's chapter, it's going to mainly about him killing his step fathers and pinning it on various unrelated people. I don't have a lot of time to write since I'm taking the Bio Keystone and my finals are coming up. I haven't even finished this chapter while I'm writing this AU. Only about 60% of this chapter.**

 **Please review~**

 **KYR OUT~**


	40. Draco Murders A Troll

**I own nothing.**

 **I'm back, though I'm putting Explosive on hiatus for a bit. I need to come up with more ideas and given my current motivation level trying to make myself work on this would just result in my abandonment of Explosive Dragon.**

 **I find it annoying when authors of stories that I enjoy just post a chapter that just a glorified author's note. So I giving you a rewrite of a certain duo's encounter with the troll.**

 **In the mean time before I'm going to be working on a few minor projects, the first of which is a Case Closed/Detective Conan and Madoka Magica crossover for anyone who's interested.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Draco Murders A Troll**

* * *

 **In Which No Criminal Charges Are Filed & Draco Lack's Any Sense of Self Preservation**

* * *

"The Slytherin dorms are in the dungeon, yeah." Draco commented as he took another bite of the chocolate pudding. The headmaster was supposed to be one of the greatest wizards to have ever lived, but he was looking more and more like a cheap Merlin rip-off than anything. This was more evidence in favor of his 'wizards and witches are idiots' theory. Could he sue the school for having a senile child endangerer as headmaster? Actually now that he thought about it this must be breaking some serious laws. At the least it would be some good black mail material...Harry was really starting to rub off on him wasn't he? "I wonder if this would qualify as attempted homicide, reckless endangerment, or criminal negligence, yeah?"

"I believe it would be both criminal negligence and reckless endangerment, but it's highly unlikely that any charges would be filed even if a student was harmed. It's a pity really, this would have made great black mail material." the raven pointed out, slightly dejected at the lost opportunity. "Could you pass the ice cream?"

"Chocolate or vanilla, yeah?" the pyro asked as an idea began to take form. "Harry, exactly how resistant to magic is a troll hide, yeah?"

"Vanilla, and it's about quarter of the resistance of a dragon. Though unlike a dragon a troll is far less resistant to non-magical damage." the Boy-Who-Lived answered frowning slightly as the blonde across from him stood up without giving him his ice cream, "...Draco where are you going? You haven't given me my ice cream yet."

"I'm going to teach that troll the true meaning of art, yeah." a mad grin covered Draco's face as he headed towards the giant doors. "You can get the ice cream yourself, yeah."

"...Idiot." the raven growled as he watched the pyro leave. Should he follow him to make sure that the blonde didn't end up dead? On the other hand that ice cream did look really tasty and there wasn't anyone else around. He could have what ever he wanted. It wasn't like he would have any moral issue with letting Draco walk off to his death. Still while he wouldn't loose any sleep over his friend's death, he could potentially loose a valuable ally and source of funds. Harry sighed, "Damnit. Why must my best friend lack an understanding of true meaning of art and any sense of self preservation?"

* * *

As the sound of crashing, screaming, and explosions drew nearer Hermione pushed herself against the classroom wall, praying that the what ever was making the noise wouldn't find her. She knew that she shouldn't have been wandering the castle when she should have been at the feast, but she had wanted some time alone. Hermione could make out the screams now.

"Get back here and die fucker, yeah! Face me you coward, yeah! I'll blow you to pieces, yeah! _Expulso_ , yeah! _Expulso_ , yeah! _Expulso_ , yeah! Burn mother fucker burn, yeah!"

Hermione blinked. Why was Draco Malfoy (it had to be him, no one else said 'yeah' at the end of all their sentences) running around the castle trying to blow someone/something to smitherens? Briefly the brunnette debated wether or not opening the classroom door to find out was worth the possible risk to her safety, but her curious nature got the better of her. Hermione opened the door.

"...The fuck?" Hermione muttered to herself as she watched the scene before her. Gryffindor's resident pyromaniac was chasing after a heavily injured _troll,_ throwing explosive curse after explosive curse at the fleeing creature. She just stood there for a moment before closing the classroom door and going back into hiding. She was not dealing with this insanity. Hermione pretended that she didn't hear her classmate's crazed cackling when one of his spells hit their mark or the troll's roars of agony.

* * *

"That was totally awesome, yeah." Draco cackled as he and the raven next to him walked away from the carnage behind them towards the Gryffindor common room. "That my man was what true art looks like, yeah. Art is a flash, a single moment, an explosion, yeah."

"I didn't come for an art lesson Draco, and even if I had you're hardly a qualified teacher given your clearly incorrect concept of art. Art is eternal." the Boy-Who-Lived corrected his friend as he took another bite of the vanilla ice cream. "Personally I have found this affair to be a pointless waste of time and energy. There are more entertaining things to do than watching you ripping a troll apart with the force of your explosions."

"It's not my fault you don't know shit about art, yeah." the pyro growled at his classmate, flipping him off. "Art is an explosion, yeah."

"I'm afraid you're sorely mistaken Draco, art is no such thing. Art is eternal. Art is everlasting."

"Shitty artist."

"Immature brat."

"Senile old man."

"Crazy pyro."

* * *

"Dear lord," Professor McGonagall gasped as she beheld the scene before her. The hallway looked like a war zone, craters littered the blackened floors and walls and the smell of burnt flesh filled the air. A mangled and burnt troll carcass lay on the group, it's limbs and innards decorating it's surroundings. "What in Merlin's name happened here?"

"With a single glance at the destruction before him, Professor Snape knew exactly what or more accurately who had happened. There was only one walking disaster who could be responsible for this if the scorch marks were anything to go by. Lucius was not going to be happy to hear about this. "I need a drink."

"Excuse me Severus," Minerva blinked at the potions master, surely she had heard that wrong. "Did you just say that you needed a drink?"

"I'm not dealing with that hellspawn while I'm sober." the potions professor groaned as he stalked off to his office muttering to himself. "He's shouldn't be my problem anymore. That monster isn't even in my house. Oh thank Merlin he isn't in my house."

Professor McGonagall stared blankly at the retreating back of her colleague wondering what exactly had just happened.

"I'm afraid that Severus has developed a bit of a drinking problem in order to cope with the stress of dealing with the more colorful students." Dumbledore explained pointy ignoring the potion masters distant cry of denial.

"Oh." Was all that Minerva could say.

* * *

 _Dear Lucius,_

 _Draco's blown up a troll. No body can prove it was your brat, but I know it was him. It had to be him. No one else would do it. Well maybe that Longbottom brat, he some how manages to make every one of his potions explode. I swear he's another monster in the making. I'm been keeping him and Draco apart in class. Did you know that the headmaster thinks I have a drinking problem? Me a problem with alcohol? I can stop drinking when ever I want. Think you can send me a crate of firewhisky this Chrismas? I don't get paid enough for this shit._

 _Definity not an alcoholic,_

 _Severus_

* * *

"Fuck Percy!" Ron growled as he drove another needle into a doll baring a striking resemblance to the brother he was currently cursing. "Who the hell does that fucking goodie two shoes thinks he fucking is?"

' _Your older brother?_ '

"No disrespect intended Jashin-sama, but so fucking what if he's my fuck'n older brother?" the future mass murder cursed driving another needle into the dolls chest. "Doesn't fucking give him the right to fucking drag me back to the damn common room by my fucking collar to stop me from trying to fucking sacrifice that troll to you!"

' _It most doesn't give him the right to fucking mess with a sacrifice to me, but he's to chicken to deal with you fucking mother getting pissed at him for letting you 'put your self in fucking danger'._ '

The young red head contemplated his almighty God's words for a moment before shrugging, "Fuck Percy."

* * *

 **Owls of ROOT**

* * *

 **Episode 5: New Orders**

* * *

Danzo glared at the newspaper in front of him in silent annoyance. So Dolorus Umbridge was dead? Killed by misfiring her own wand. The phoenix couldn't decide whether or not it had been an act of foul play. Was that women really that incompetent? Well, he supposed it didn't matter ether way the women who had dared mess with him was dead, perhaps not by his talons but dead none the less.

"Come here," Danzo ordered the sooty owl perched outside the headmaster's window. "Tell the disposal unit that their mission is has been changed. There is no reason to poison her morning tea, I want them to plant evidence that she had a preference for werewolves. Tell them to make it as graphic as nessary to destroy her reputation and create the biggest scandal of the last decade."

* * *

 **I think I covered everything already at the top of the chapter. If you have ideas for future chapters or even just a scene let me know in a** **review or PM.**

 **As always please review~**

 **KYnR~**


	41. Just Detention? Part 1

**I own nothing**.

 **I'm back! It's sooner then I expected, but I think I've regained the interested and motivation need for this story.**

 **I'm still short on ideas so please if you have any let me know. It's really helpful and does make a difference. This chapter was inspired by one after all.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Just Detention?**

* * *

 **Part 1**

* * *

 **In Which Kids Are Actaully Punished & Ron Trys to Convert Someone To Jashinism**

* * *

"As if, yeah," Draco snorted at the very idea that his friend could ever be a better artist. "You're arts shit, yeah. Accept it, yeah."

"It appears that you've made a mistake," Harry said smiling sweetly at the blonde. "It's your art that's shit not mind."

"Art is a bang, yeah. Art is an explosion, yeah." the pyro huffed glaring at the raven. "It is not something that lasts for ever, yeah! It's that brief instant that vanish in a moment, yeah!"

"You're just blind to the true meaning of art, brat." the Boy-Who-Lived shot back. "Art lasts forever. It is ageless, timeless, eternal."

"Can't you guys stop fucking argueing about fuck'n art. It's fucking stupid. Nobody else gives a shit." Ron said inturupting the two artists feud. "Just fight to the fucking death already. I brought fucking popcorn."

"Shut up dumbass, yeah!" Draco hissed shifting his anger to the redhead. "What do you know about art, yeah!"

"As much as I hate to agree with Draco, I agree. I bet you don't even know how to paint, let alone the true meaning of art." the Boy-Who-Lived glared at the jashinist, his feud with Draco not forgotten, but temporarily put aside. "You're not an artist so shut the hell up."

"Burn."

"I am so a fucking artist and like hell I can't fucking paint!" Ron red with anger yelled at the artist duo. They had made Jashin-sama laugh at him! He'd show those mother fuckers!

* * *

"And they fucking told me that I wasn't a fucking artist." Ron laughed as he took a step back to survey his master bloody piece. It was far superior to the shit that his classmates tried to pass of as art. Who the fuck was Harry to tell him that he couldn't paint? "What the fuck do you think Jashin-sama?"

 _"...Fuck yeah I do, but you need to add some more blood over there."_

"Good fucking idea, I can still make out the fucking wall." the Jashinist immediately set to work covering the wall with even more blood, painting over it till nothing of the orignal color was visible. "Now all that's fucking left to do is to give it a fucking name."

The youngest make Weasley stared intently at the gory display in front of him. The wall was stained red with a mix of toad and owl blood (somehow all the cats seems to know what he was up too and had gone underground). He had nailed the animal's entrails all over it and he had hung their skulls up above his painting like ornaments. It was the most fucking beautiful thing he had ever seen. He thought about it for a moment more before he thought of something. "What about naming it fucking Jashin-sama's painting?"

 _"Too damn boring. We should_ _call it 'The Bloody Collage of A Jashinist'."_

"It has a fucking nice ring to it, you're a genius Jashin-sama." Ron happily praised the Almighty God. "It's fucking perfect!"

"Mr. Weasley!" Professor McGonagall screeched after rounding the corner only to find one of her lions covered in blood in front of the most ghastly thing she had seen since discovering the body of the troll. "Explain your self immediately!"

 _"Busted."_

Ron just shrugged and desided to be honest, it wasn't as if he has anything to be ashamed of. "I was fucking painting a painting for Jashin-sama after those two mother fucking heathens told me I couldn't paint."

"Detention!"

* * *

"Mr. Potter do you know why you're here?" Professor McGonagall asked the Boy-Who-Lived, her tone scathing. "What you've done?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about professor." Harry lied playing innocent, they had no proof that he had anything to do with it. "I haven't done anything that would warrant a being called to your office."

"I very much doubt that Mr. Potter," the deputy headmistress almost snorted, everyone knew that the raven before her was the one responsible for the incident that morning. "You went to far this time."

"May I ask what it is that I allegdy did?" Harry asked tilting his head to the side to give the illusion of innocents. "Because I assure you I had nothing to do with the missing owls and toads."

"Stop playing dumb Mr. Potter, while I have no doubt that you have killed your fair share of owls and toads in your experiment we already have the culprit." Professor McGonagall ordered raising her voice. "We know that your the once that caused the incident this morning."

"I wasn't the one that laced breakfast with laxatives," Harry denied any involvement. "Perhaps the Weasley Twins are the culprits?"

"How did you know it was a laxative?" the cat animagus asked raising a questioning eyebrow. "We said it was a mix of potions."

"Damnit." Harry swore at his mistake. He had almost got away with his revenge on Draco. Sure he had hit the entire school, but his primary target was Draco. The only reason he had laced everyone's meal was because he was there and figured he might as well.

"Detention!"

* * *

" _Expulso_ , yeah! Thirteen, yeah!" Draco laughed as he blew up yet another mail owl from his perch on the roof of the Owlery. "Why have I never thought of this before, yeah?"

"Mr. Malfoy! Detention!" A farmilar professor's voice boomed. "Get done from there this instant!"

* * *

"Soooo what did you do?" Lucas, a normal Secound Year asked the three First Years that he was to serve detention with, asked to break the silence that had settle onto the group after Filtch had left them outside of the castle as Hagrid was running late. "I turn my classmate into a duck and threatened to gut him with a shiv -not that I was actaully going to gut him- because he called me a mud blood."

"I laced everyone's food with laxatives."

"I blew up some birds, yeah."

" _Ron, I want a new minion, try to convert him._ "

"I fucking sacrificed a bunch of fucking pets to the almighty God Jashin-sama, and used their blood to paint on a wall," the redhead smiled at the older student as he began to explain the wonders of Jashin-sama. "Jashin-sama is the fucking god of evil, chaos, and fucking destruction. He fucking expects no less then utter destruction and death from his fucking follower. Jashin-sama can fucking show you the true meaning of fucking life. You fucking should worship him! I know Jashinism is the ducking religion for fucking you! Jashin-sama has fucking told me to fucking convert you!"

"Sorry kid," Lucas said as he inched away from the clearly unhinged eleven year old. "But I'm a Christian and I'm not interested in converting. My parents would kill me."

" _Give him the fucking bible._ "

"You can just fucking kill them than," Ron laughed as he shoved a Jashinist bible into the other boy's hands. "Jashin-sama wants you to fucking have it."

Lucas dropped the book. "I really don't want it."

"Pick that fucking up and fucking take it." the redhead growled threateningly.

Lucas gulped.

* * *

 **Figurative Snake to Literal Snake**

* * *

 **Episode 1: How Dare He?!**

* * *

"How dare that brat mark me with his bastardized curse seal." Orochumaru hissed to herself for what felt like the millionth time. Voldemort, the snake lord wannabe (Orochumaru did snakes far better justice then that poser) had put a piece of his soul in her! Her! How dare that weaking! The only reason Orochumaru hadn't already eaten the supposed Dark Lord was that the stupid soul fragment allowed that shame to snake kind to sense her intention before she stuck. Nagini continued to fume.

* * *

 **I split this chapter in half because it was nearly 3k words long and I figured that it would be best to devide it up and give myself more time to get other chapters written. Still this is the shorter of the two halfs but it's also the better of the two.**

 **I think I'll release Part 2 sooner then the usual fourteen days, so it'll be out in seven.**

 **Please review, it really helps motivate me~**

 **KYnR OUT~**


	42. Just Detention Part 2

**I own nothing.**

 **I know I'm posting this early, but it's my birthday and I feel like posting early to celebrate.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Just Detention?**

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

 **In Which Kids Are Actaully Punished & Ron Trys to Convert Someone To Jashinism**

* * *

"I still can't believe you actaully got caught, yeah." Draco laughed as he walked through the Forbidden Forest next to the raven. "I mean of all the ways you could be caught, yeah?"

"Shut up, brat." the Boy-Who-Lived snapped at his friend. "In case you haven't noticed you've also in detention."

The pyro continued to laugh. "So, yeah? I got caught in the act, yeah. You on the other hand gave your self away after the fact, yeah."

"I fail to see how that it amusing." Harry said crossing his arms.

"Well my man-" Draco stopped midsentence as he spotted what looked to be a cloaked man bending down over a horse doing something. "What is that guy doing to that horse, yeah!?"

Harry followed his friend's gaze and saw a cloaked figure (most likely male give their chest) crouched over the body of a downer unicorn. The man appeared to be drinking the creature's blood. "Drinking it's blood from the look of it, but he's not a vampire. Unicorn blood is about ten time as toxic to them as garlic and holy water combined."

"So this is some kind of fetish than, yeah?" the blonde pyromaniac asked confused and disturbed by the sight before them. "I know that as the one in detention for blowing up innocent owls just for kicks, I don't have much room to talk, but that is just wrong on so many different levels, yeah."

"While a fetish can't be ruled out it is more likely that this man is after the unicorn's blood's magical propertys. Why some would do so is beyond me, as the blood will curse you which is just counterproductive." the raven pointed out.

"Wanna just try and kill him, yeah? Loser pays the winner five galleons, yeah." Draco suggested pulling his wand out of his sleeve. "I haven't blow a human up yet, yeah. I bet it would be fun, yeah."

"Sure," the Boy-Who-Lived shrugged drawing his own wand. "I could use his corpse as practice for when I turn my parents into human puppets."

" _Expulso, Expulso, Expulso_ , yeah!" Draco smiled as he sent three explosive curses at the figure, blowing three trees up as the cloaked wizard managed to dodge them by a combination of dumb luck and Draco not bothering to aim beyond pointing in the general direction of his target.

" _Colloshoo_." Harry smirked slightly as his stickfast hex made contact with his target magically glueing the figures feet to the forest floor, completely immobilizing him. Who ever the cloaked man was he would not be able to dodge the _Diffindo_ that the Boy-Who-Lived was about to send at him. Satisfied with his work and soon to be dead victim, Harry turned to the pyro next to him to gloat. "It looks like my skills and your abysmal aim have won me this bet, so pay up brat."

"Not gonna happen, yeah." Draco snorted in amusement as he pointed to the spot where the cloaked figure _had_ been just a moment before. "You didn't kill him, and he just apperated away, yeah."

"Damnit!" the raven swore as he stamp his foot on the ground in anger. He wanted to turn that guy into a puppet!

* * *

 _And this dear readers was the moment when Harry learned not to fuck around until after you've kill your victim. You don't monologue or brag or taunt. You get the job done._

* * *

"I'm Jashin-Dana damn telling you that you're bloody meant to be a mother fucking Jashinist!" A certain red headed Jashinist insisted as he and his older companion walked through the forest searching for a unicorn. "I mean you bloody threatened to fucking gut a guy with a damn shiv! If that isn't fucking Jashinist material I don't know what the hell is!"

"I already said I wasn't really going to do it!" Lucas insisted as he tried to put more space between himself and the clearly deranged first year he had been paired with. "I just said that to get Flint to shut up and leave me alone!"

 _"That is a bit of a problem...Ron I'm sure you'll be able to turn this kid into a fucking murderous psycho. Sure it'll take some work but we can turn this kid into a proper Jashinist."_

"Jashin-sama agrees that is a bit of a problem, but we can fucking work on you carrying out your damn threats after you've bloody converted to Jashinism! The almighty Jashin-sama fucking understands that not all people are fucking naturals like I am!" Ron laughed as he slapped the older boy on the back cheerfully. "Just you fucking wait you'll be fucking gutting people with shivs and sacrificing them to Jashin-sama before you bloody know it!"

"But I don't want to gut people with shivs!" the older boy protested flinching at the redheads touch.

"Fucking trust me," the Jashinist smiled darkly. "You fucking will, you fucking will."

* * *

"Get the bloody hell up!" Ron shouted as he dumped a bucket of warm blood (cold water was for pusses) onto the sleeping boy. "We're going to fucking sacrifice a bloody massive spider to Jashin-sama!"

Lucas ran out of the room covered in blood screaming his head off.

* * *

"Lucas have you read the damn book I fucking gave you yet?" Ron asked the older student appearing out of nowhere and almost giving Lucas a heart attack. "Cause I want to fucking start you on fucking sacrificing shit to Jashin-sama and you can't bloody well do that till you've read that bloody book."

"I'm not interested!" Lucas shouted at he raced away from the redhead. Getting away from the Jashinist only because he happened to found an empty broom closet to hid in as he turned the conner.

* * *

"Come the fuck on," Ron groaned as he dragged struggling Lucas down the hallway. "We're just fucking painting the bloody walls in blood. That was a shitty pun."

"Why would anyone want to do that!?" Lucas ask as he grabbed onto one of the suits of armor trying to pry himself from the redhead's evil clutches.

"Because they fucking clearly got fuck'n rid of my last one." the Jashinist answered rolling his eyes. "It was bloody made to fucking honor Jashin-sama, we can't allow some damn teachers to mess with it!"

* * *

"Lucas I got a bloody taser and a bloody owl for you to fucking sacrifice to Jashin-sama!" Ron grinned as he sat down next to the other boy at the breakfast, holding a heavily injured owl by the neck.

Lucas briefly considered stabbing the madman next to him with a butter knife before realizing what he had been contemplating. He need to get out of here before Ron infected him anymore!

The Second Year bolted.

* * *

 _Dear Mum & Pa_

 _Please get me out of this school! I'll do anything, go anyway! Just please take me away from this place! I'll go to a muggle military academy! This crazy kid gotten into into his head to convert me into his crazy cultist religion. He's bloody insane mum. He's following me everywhere. He's going to drive me mad. He's already got me contemplating murder with a butter knife! Save me!_

 _Love,_ _Lucas_

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"Good mourning Hermione-chan," Ron greeted the love of his life as he took the seat next to her. "What did you think of your early Christmas present?"

The object of his affections gave a resigned groan as she took a sheet of origami paper from her bag and began to fold it. "Why did you leave a dead cat and a Jashinist bible on my bed? How did you even get into the girls dorm? Boys aren't allowed there."

"Oh that was easy Hermione-chan," the Jashinist smiled happy to show off his dedication to his lady. "The anti-boy charm is only on the stairs so I climbed out the common room window, and up the tower to your window."

"That doesn't explain why you left a cat caucus and that book on my bed." Hermione pointed out mildly disappointed that the boy hadn't fallen to his death. She made a mental note to get her dorm's windows permanently sealed and warded.

"I left it there so you could read it and learn more about what it means to be a Jashinist." Ron explained to his future wife. "Since you'll have to convert when we get married. I am going to be your second husband after all."

"What happened to my first husband?" If Hermione had been more awake, less focused on her origami, or had had her morning coffee she would have already known the answer to that question.

Ron grinned. "Nothing you can prove."

* * *

 **Team of Dragons**

* * *

 **Episode 5: Heath Concerns**

* * *

"I just realized something." Dan said slowly as something dawned on him. "Dragon's aren't suppose to eat ramen. It's not part of any of their natural diets and contains more sodium then anything they'd eat in the wild."

"So?" Bob grunted as he took another bite of his lunch (a peanut butter and jelly sandwich). "And what's sodium?"

"So? So?" the elder of the two dragon keepers stared at his coworker in disbelief. "Who knows what kind of negative effects that Flare's current sodium intact could potentially have on her?!"

Bob shrugged. "She seems find to me man."

"Sure she seems find now, but who knows about a few years from now! I need to talk to the Dirrector at once about changing her diet!"

* * *

Flare looked up from her bowl of ramen and shuddered. "I feel a disterbance in the ramen."

* * *

 **I feel like this half of the chapter isn't as good as the first, but I can't put my finger (and this fix it) on what it is. It's just not a very good chapter. Sorry about that. Still the next chapter is already complete at 2k+ words and is a pretty good chapter so that should make up for this.**

 **If you have any ideas or suggests for a chapter just let me know. It can even just a scene. It really would help me out.**

 **The extra was inspired by a Miracious Ladybug comic I saw recently and I can't remember who made it. Anyway the joke isn't mine but I found it hilarious and wanted to use it.**

 **On another note I rewrote chapter 5, it's shorter then the usual 1.5k but it's certainly better then the original. I toying with the idea of writing short rewritten chapters for some of the earlier chapters considering how bad they were.**

 **Please review, it really does help motivate me to get chapters written~**

 **KYnR OUT~**

* * *

 _Sneak Peak: Fanboy .V. Minion_

 _"I'm Nigel, Harry Potter's number one fanboy. I've heard of you, Colin Creevly right? You're Harry's lapdog? You're not that impressive. I guess replacing you in Harry's life won't be as hard as I originally thought."_


	43. Fanboy V Minion

**I own nothing.**

* * *

 _A_ _close friend of my has recently create a YouTube channel and is trying grow it. It's called Thats Cool and he posts video's about things he thinks are cool, such as he and his sister doing really cool gymnastic tricks or teaching you how to make sushi. It would mean a lot to me if you could subscribe to his channel. Just search Thats Cool Misha and it should come up. Thank you, now on with the story~_

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Fanboy .V. Minion**

* * *

 **In Which Colin Hates Nigel & Nigel Hates Colin**

* * *

"What can you tell me about cuckoo pint?" the Boy-Who-Lived quizzed his student as they worked extracting the poison from the orange berries. It was their routine, Harry would ask Colin about something (usually a poison, or something that was poisonous) and the third year had to answer him.

"The berries of the cuckoo pint or arum maculatum are poisonous, but not deadly." Colin replied as he extracted the berries juices. "When eaten the berries will cause irritation in the mouth and throat, pain, as well as swelling which can result in difficulty breathing."

"You forgot that it can also cause an upset stomach." the older boy pointed out. "But good job."

* * *

"What the fuck is this?" Colin swore as he stood at the entrance to the arena. Some had gotten here before him and put up a giant banner supporting Harry-sama. Some one other than him. A much larger and prettier banner with moving embroidery. The ginger was livid, how dare someone try and one up his support for his idol! Who did he need to kill?!

"Do you like my banner?" A young voice from behind Colin ask. The minion whirled around to find a small first year boy smiling proudly at him. "I'm Nigel, Harry Potter's number one fanboy. I've heard of you, Colin Creevly right? You're Harry's lapdog? You're not that impressive. I guess replacing you in Harry's life won't be as hard as I originally thought."

"Excuse me?" Colin hissed. Who was this brat? "As if Harry-sama would want anything to do with a brat like you!"

"Of course he would, I'm his number one fanboy," Nigel sniffed turning up his nose. "Not some obsessive red head."

"Why you-"

"Anyway I've got to go," the first year turn away dismissively. "I've got a Harry Potter fan club meeting to attend."

* * *

"Colin, how does hemlock kill?" Harry asked the young boy as they worked on their respective potions essays.

"Sorry Harry-sama," Colin blinked as he looked up from his essay and thought of how to brutally murder a certain fanboy. "I wasn't paying attention, could you please repeat that?"

The Boy-Who-Lived gave his student a look, but dismissed it. Everyone had their off days. "I asked you how hemlock kills?"

Colin smiled, he knew that one. "Hemlock paralyses the lungs."

* * *

"Tell me about foxglove." the Boy-Who-Lived ordered his student as they walked away from the stadium.

Colin nodded obeying. "When eaten foxglove causes diarrhea and vomiting. It can cause heart attacks by slowing the heart rate and-"

"Hello Harry!" Nigel barreled into the duo cutting off the red head. "I'm Nigel, you number one fan and head of you fanclub! Can you sign my wand?! The way you dealt with that dragon was amazing-"

Colin tuned the younger boy out at this point and began to plot the first years demise. It would be slow and painful. Perhaps he could contract Ron Weasley to torture the boy and then he could finish him off with a poison?

Or he could make that brat's life a living hell before putting him out of his misery? With skin contact Foxglove would cause skin irritation. Perhaps Colin should extract the plants oil and cover the fanboy's sheets in it.

* * *

Colin smirked as he stormed down the hallway. Nigel was going to regret ever coming to this school. The Weasley Twins itching powder would make sure of that. After he filled every article of clothing that brat owned and all of his sheets the boy would be miserable.

Sure usually he would have used his own itching powder. He'd tried to make some and then combined it with foxglove oil, but the Weasley Twins were geniuses and he hadn't managed to make anything stronger then theirs...yet.

* * *

"As you will soon see skin contact with urushiol will cause a painful and itchy rash." Harry lectured over breakfast. "Urushiol is a clear liquid compound found in the sap of poison ivy other wise known as toxicodendron radicans. So Colin what would be a good use of urushiol?"

"Given that it's clear, non lethal, and that the rash is usually relatively minor, but incredibly unpleasant couldn't you put it on someone cloths if you just wanted to make their life miserable for a few weeks?" Colin proposed after swallowing a mouthful of bacon.

"Yes, it's the perfect way to get revenge on a certain blonde." the Boy-Who-Lived eyes darkened at the word 'blonde' still very much pissed over the events of the previous week. "In fact Draco should be here right about now. _Protego_."

Harry raised the shield a moment before an explosion hit it.

"I'm gonna fucking murder you Harry, yeah! _Expulso_ , yeah!" Draco hissed sending another exploding curse at his rival artist. The bastard had put something in his sleeping clothes that had had the blonde waking up with a horribly itchy rash on his torso and thighs. He knew the shitty artist was the one responsible. There wasn't exactly a lot of people in the castle who would use non magical means to do this and the raven was still pissed about last week. " _Expulso, Expulso, Expulso_ , yeah!"

"If you're that unhappy then maybe you should have thought about the consequence of pulling shit like last week." Harry smiled tauntingly at the Malfoy heir. "Really what did you think would happen? You sold my fucking boxers to my fangirls. Of course I'm going to retaliate."

"Wow, Harry really angry at that guy isn't he?" An all to farmilar voice commented from behind Colin. "Normally I'd bitch about that blonde for daring to cross Harry, but I can't complain. I bought most of those boxers."

"You will return Harry-sama's possessions at once you creep." Colin growled turning around to see his master's self proclaimed number one fan.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, I bought them fair and square. Plus I won't be much of a fan of I didn't have my dear Harry's clothing would I?" Nigel hummed mockingly. "Still this just proves that you're not worthy of being by Harry's side. If I was in your place no one would be able to steal from him."

Colin was just about to respond when another series of explosions hit his idol's shield shattering it and hitting the table sending food and near by students flying.

Finally realizing that this was not one of the artist duo's usual fights (which had the occasional spell thrown, but rarely risked anyone actually getting seriously injured) the teachers intervene. Professor McGonagall sent a binding hex at Draco. "Stop this at once Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter stop provoking him!"

* * *

"What were you thinking Mr. Malfoy!" the transfiguration professor raged at her blonde student. "You could have killed Mr. Potter!"

"That was kinda the point, yeah." Draco pointed out sarcasticly. "He put something in my sheets to give me this horrible rash, yeah!"

"In all fairness you sold all of my boxers to my fangirls," Harry smirked uncaring that he too was in 'trouble' for what he had done to Draco. They couldn't punish him if they couldn't prove it, and they _couldn't_ prove it. "Not that I claim to have anything to do with your predicament, just that I believe it to be karma and applaud who ever did it."

"Bullshit," the pyro snorted. "We all know you did it you shitty artist, yeah!"

"Prove it."

* * *

"I hate you." Nigel declared as he finished cleaning his fifth caldron moving on to his sixths.

Colin snorted as he scrubbed the potion residue off the bottom of his seventh caldron. "Feelings mutual brat."

"I don't know why Harry's kept you around. Maybe it's out of pity?" Nigel speculated his words filled with venom. "If you were really his student like you claim you wouldn't be setting things on fire like _Malfoy_."

"Sorry that I failed to burn you alive, but Harry-sama prefers people who go for the kill instead of throwing around harmless jinks." Colin glared at the younger boy, wishing that his _Tria Incendio_ had roasted the brat before Professor Flitwick had intervened. "I guess you just don't know Harry-sama as well as you think you do."

"I know him better then you do!" Nigel growled at Colin. "I know his birthday, his address, his school schedule, his favorite animal, his favorite color, the location of his workshop, his grades, where he was born, the name of all his relative, his favorite subject, what his wand is made of, how many articles of clothing he has, that he hates the cold, th-"

"And that isn't creepy at all?" the redhead smirked cutting the other boy off. "I mean I know most of that because I've spent a lot of time with him, but you haven't. Are you sure you're not really a stalker?"

"Why you-!"

"You're not here to chat, you're here to clean." Flitch grumbled turning another page of his magazine. "This is your punishment for dueling in the halls. You little monsters should be grateful. In my day they would have hung trouble makers like you from the ceiling by your toe nails."

Colin winced at the man's words. It was shameful to be caught in the act of breaking the rules. He'd been so absorbed in trying to murder Nigel that he had forgotten to pay attention to his surrounding and Professor Sprout had caught them. How Nigel had survive his assault without a single scratch the red head hadn't a clue, but he knew that Harry-sama would be disappointed in him.

* * *

 _"Casus Trinus_." Nigel recited staring intently at the doll he had charmed to walk in circles on his bed. Nothing happened.

"Come on, _Casus Trinus_." the eleven year old mutter as he focused on the toy, willing it to trip and fall down. This time the jinks worked and the toy tumbled to the floor. "Yes!"

Nigel grinned as he picked up the doll. He'd succeeded in casting a wandless spell. Harmless jinks Colin had said, well Nigel would see how much he'd like being tripped.

* * *

"Poisons made from dragon venom are among the least subtle and most dangerous poisons in the world." Harry lectured his student during their lunch break. "The effects of dragon venom vary depending on which species it came from, but while some venoms such as the Taiwan Toxica Dracon and the Canadian Purple Viper are very distinct in their effects others are not. How do you recognize a poison made from the venom of the Taiwan Toxica?"

"It's yellow mustard coloring," the third year answered. "And it's scent, it smells of rotting wood."

"Good. So as I was saying most dragons have a close relative who have a similar venom, but require a different antidote. The Greenland Northern Glider-" Harry was cut off as Colin slammed into him knocking both of them to the ground.

"Are you ok Harry?! I'm Nigel do you remember me?" a young boy asked rushing over to the Boy-Who-Lived before turning to Colin. "Colin how could you knock Harry down?! It's your fault that he got dirt on his robes!"

"My fault?" Colin fumed pointing his finger accusingly at Nigel. "This is your fault you brat! You tripped me!"

"I didn't!" Nigel denied shaking his head. "I was nowhere near you! I'd have to had jinked you and I don't even have my wand on me I forgot it this morning."

"You jinked me!"

* * *

"Damn him!" Nigel swore as he vomited into the toilet yet again. He knew that Colin was behind his current predicament. It must have been revenge for making him crash into Harry with a jinks.

"You okay man?" Charlie asked looking into the bathroom with concern. Nigel looked like crap as he sat in front of the toilet bowl. "You sure you don't want to go to Madame Pomfrey?"

"Yeah, I think I'll be in here a while." Nigel groaned as he felt bile rise to his mouth. He was going to be sick again soon. "Can you tell Penny that I won't be able to make it to the fanclub meeting?"

"Sure," Charlie agreed closing the door. "But if you're still puking when I get back this evening I'm telling the teachers."

"Fine." Nigel muttered before throwing up.

* * *

"What is the common name of atropa belladonna?" Harry asked his student over dinner.

"Deadly nightshade." Colin answered, not looking away from the younger boy sitting across from him. The two were engaged in a silent battle of hate filled glares.

"Correct, what parts of it will kill you if you eat it?" the raven continued to quiz his student as he took out and began to read Forbidden Time Magiks.

"All of it. The berries, roots, stems, and leaves will all kill you. Though the leaves will also cause skin irritation upon contact with skin." the young minion replied leaning to the side to dodge the spoonful of mashed potatos that Nigel had subtly thrown at him. Colin sent a kick at his nemesis in retaliation.

"How many berries would it take to kill an adult?" Harry asked again, completely oblivious to the kicking war going on under the table.

"Two to f-five." Colin winced as one of Nigel's strikes make contact with his shin. The fanboy's smirk vanished when Colin kicked him in the knee.

"How does it kill?"

"By paralyzing the body's involuntary muscles such as the heart." the red head answered before wandlessly casting a certain levitation spell on bowl of jello and sending into Nigel's face.

* * *

"Why are wild almonds such an effective means of murder?" Harry quizzed his student/minion as the two walked down the hallway towards the Room of Requirement.

"Because it your victim doesn't need to consume that many of them in order to die and most are unaware that they are poisonous unlike their domesticated counterpart." Colin answered correctly a handful of the poisonous nuts in his hand.

"Good." the Boy-Who-Lived nodded in approval. "Can you tell me why wild almonds are poisonous?"

"They contain amygdalin," Colin smiled at the praise. "It's a bitter tasting chemical that breaks down into cyanide."

Again Harry nodded smiling slightly, proud of his minion's knowledge. "Correct, and what does cyanide do to the body?"

"It disrupts the electron transport chain, preventing cells from aerobically producing ATP." the young red head recited from memory. "This affects the center nervous system and heart which depend on aerobic respiration."

"I'm impressed," the raven smirked. "I think you're ready to apply what you've learned from me on your own. Don't get caught."

"Of course Harry-sama." Colin smile broke out into a unholy grin at his master's words. He knew just the person to dispose off.

* * *

 _Dear Nigel,_

 _I have recently been made aware of your dedication as my number one fan. It is an honor to be the recipient of such worship. In thanks I bought you a bag of sugared almonds for your enjoyment. I hope you like them._

 _Flattered, Harry J. Potter_

Colin smirked as he signed the thank you card. His plan was perfect, forge Harry-sama's hand writing, write this card, give Nigel a bag of wild almonds, and once the kid dead the evidence was charmed to incinerate itself.

* * *

"So I hear that some perfectly healthy first year mysteriously dropped dead in his dorm room yesterday." Harry smiled knowingly at his student/minion. "I'm sure you had nothing to do with it though."

"Of course I had nothing to do with it." Colin said returning his idol's smile. "I'm a mere third year, what would I have to do with another student's death?"

"There isn't anything implicating an innocent student such as your self is there?" the Boy-Who-Lived asked glancing at the younger boy out of the corner of his eye. "I'd hate it if any of the evidence was misinterpreted."

By now Colin was grinning. "What evidence?"

"I'm proud of you brat." the raven sighed as he ruffed his student's hair in a rare display of affection before transitioning back into teacher mode launching a barrage of question at the boy. "Now let's review the affects of the castor bean. What part of them are poisonous? How many does it take to kill a child? How many to kill an adult? What poison do they contain? How does it work? And what are the affects?"

"The seeds of the ricinus communis contain the poison ricin. A child will die after one to two seeds while and to kill an adult can take up to eight." Colin recited positively beaming from his master's previous act of affection. "Ricin inhibites the synthesis of proteins within the cell and can cause seizures, severe vomiting and diarrhea, and of course death."

* * *

 **Sannin**

* * *

 **Episode 1: Who's Worse Off**

* * *

"I'm telling you fool," Nagini hissed at the toad sitting (squating?) across from her. "I'm clearly worse off then you are, I'm female and an 'evil' snake wannabe had the nerve to stick a piece of his soul in me!"

"It's not like this is the first time you've been a girl," Jiraiya pointed out before taking another gulp of sake. "You were a girl when you killed sensei. I think this is all just karma. Yeah, you had soul fragments in your curse seal."

Orochumaru sniffed. "You're just a toad how can you possible be better off then me?"

"I can't research! The teachers are old, most of the girls here are underage, and the few that aren't are behind wards!" Jiraiya moaned slamming his face into his sake in a mocking attempt to drown himself. "I'm a super pervert and I haven't be able to spy on naked women in over a decade!"

* * *

 **Suggestions for chapters are much apresated. This chapter was a suggestion.**

 **I had to do a little bit of research for this chapter, looking up what Harry would quiz Colin on, but I'm not an expert so I might have gotten a few things wrong. Still I liked how it turned out, it flushed out Harry and Colin's student teacher relationship and how that works. Did you guys like it? If so I'll write more of their lessons.**

 **Nigel is the reincarnation of one of Sasuke fan girls. Fan girl in one life, fanboy in the next.**

 **This is by far the longest chapter I have ever written, it's 3k+ words long. I was very tempted to split the chapter in two, but I couldn't find a good point to do so and I've done a lot of two parters recently. I had a lot of fun with this so perhaps in the future I could write more about the conflict between them.**

 **Please review, it means a lot to me~**

 **I'm actaully going to be posting the chapter that's suppose to be chapter 45 next since I feel that chapter 44 feels to lackluster and just isn't very funny.**

 **KYnR OUT~**

* * *

 _Chapter 45 Sneak Peak: Wildfire & Dragons_

 _"So I'm a pyromaniac with access to magic, yeah." Draco laughed as he torched the caldron he had just poured kerosene into, causing a eruption of green fire. "As if fictionality would ever stop me, yeah."_


	44. Wildfire & Dragons

**I own nothing.**

 **Sorry that this chapter is up a day late, I've been busy and I honestly just forgot to post it. In other news chapter eleven was rewritten, it's shorter but much better quality and while I did cut a few things I'll add them into a future chapter.**

 **Just a heads up but the next chapter of Explosive Dragon could be a bit delayed, I haven't gotten much of a chance to work on it and schools coming up. I'll do my best to get it up in usual fourteen days but if I don't I'll try to make sure that it's up by the end of next month.**

* * *

 **Explosive Dragon**

* * *

 **Wildfire & Dragons**

* * *

 **In Which Draco Is Obessed With A Muggle TV Show & Harry Regrets Ever Showing It To Him**

* * *

"That was awesome, yeah!" Draco cheered as they finished the last episode of Game of Thrones season two. "Let's watch season three, yeah!"

"No," the raven next to him said picking up and closing the laptop. "I want to watch Criminal Minds."

* * *

As Harry entered his workshop after a long night of marathoning Criminal Minds he was greeted by the sight of his best friend wearing muggle lab coat, surrounded by several cauldrons filled with some kind of glowing green bubbling liquid, and laughing like a manic.

"What are you doing Draco?" Harry asked eyeing the glowing green goo. He may not have known what it was, but if it was made by Draco it was probably flammable.

"Creating wildfire, yeah!" the pyromaniac cackled as he added what smelt suspiciously like kerosene to one of the cauldrons. "Pass the blowtorch, yeah."

"You are aware that wildfire isn't real right? Game of Throne is just a TV show." Harry pointed out as he levitated the requested blowtorch to the blonde. "And even if you could somehow recreate wildfire, who gave you permission to do it in my workshop?"

"So I'm a pyromaniac with access to magic, yeah." Draco laughed as he torched the caldron he had just poured kerosene into, causing a eruption of green fire. "As if fictionality would ever stop me, yeah."

The Boy-Who-Lived sighed as he drew his wand to extinguish the flames. " _Aquamenti_."

The spell failed to douse the magical fire.

Draco cheered as he watched his creation burn. "I've done it, yeah! Praise the Lord of Light, yeah!"

"...Why did I ever think introducing you to the Game of Thrones was a good idea?" Harry asked himself as he watched his friend celebrate his success. He really shouldn't be surprised that Draco tried to recreate wildfire after seeing what it had done to Stannis's ships.

* * *

Harry had been in the middle of working on his latest project (creating an antidote for two of his most recently created poisons) when he heard the massive explosion outside. He had almost dropped the ground lavender into the wrong caldron.

"What was that, Harry-sama?" Colin asked looking up from his assigned book on monkshood. "Is Draco trying to recreate the Kamehameha again? And if so should we go with Plan D-4, D-7, or V?"

"No, we don't need to use any of the Plans." the Boy-Who-Lived sighed. "Given that he's recreated _wildfire_ and the explostion came from outside in the direction of the black lake I'd guess that he's recreated a certain scene from the Battle of Blackwater."

* * *

"Do you have any idea what that little stunt of your's has done, Mr. Malfoy?" Professor McGonagall demanded glaring furiously at the blonde student in front of her. "Half of the merpeople living in the black lake are dead along with at least a third of the native wildlife!"

"So, yeah?" Draco asked boredly tilting his head to the side. He honestly didn't understand the problem, so what if a few merpeople died in the creation of his art. If anything they should be happy to die in such a glorious manner. Draco planned to do the same, exept he was going out in a bang not a blaze of fire.

"So? So?" the transfiguration teacher repeated indigently. "You killed a hundred and twenty three merpeople! Not only are they an borderline endangered species, but they are also sentient creatures! If it were up to me I would have expelled you for this! Bu-"

"This is a violation of my first amendment right to practice my religion, yeah! I am a follower of the great Lord of Light, R'hllor, yeah! Seriously I just filed the paperwork yesterday, yeah." the pyro said stamping his foot and pointing at his head of house accusingly. "I demand a lawyer, yeah!"

"We're not in America!" Professor McGonagall growled slamming her hand down on her desk. "And even if we were this is a private school, so that doesn't apply!"

Draco scowled looking away. "I still demand a lawyer."

"You don't need a lawyer! For reasons I can not comprehend the Headmaster has decided against expelling you, dispite all of your past misdeeds! Instead of expelling you, he given you detention with Professor Snape for three hours after school every day till the end of the year!" the cat animagus snapped. For the life of her Minerva could think of no good reason why the boy before hadn't been expelled long ago. He was a menace.

"So two weeks of detention, yeah." Draco shrugged turning to leave before thinking better of it. This was the perfect chance to say the line and make a cool exit. "The night is dark and full of terrors. Good night Professor."

And then Draco left, leaving an angry and confused professor behind him.

* * *

Harry questioned his student as he turned the page of his book. "Colin, what poison is found in monkshood?"

"Pseudaconitine," Colin answered not even bothering to look up from his own book. "And given the vast quantities the flower contains once monkshood is eaten death is almost instantaneous. It's so poisonous that even mere skin contact can result in death by asphyxiation."

"Correct as usual, and-" the raven was interrupted by his phone going off. The ringtone (that was definitely not what he had originally set it to) gave away the caller.

"What do you want Draco?" Harry sighed as he answer the phone. Draco rarely called him unless he needed something or was bored out of his mind. "And when did you change my ringtone?"

"Well my man, I'm in jail and I need you to pay my two hundred gallion bail, yeah." the blonde answered shrugging. "They only accept hard cash for bails and I don't have enough on me to bribe the guards let alone pay bail, yeah. As for your ringtone I did it last week, yeah. I rather like Pryomania, yeah."

"I'll do it if you pay me three hundred gallons afterward." the Boy-Who-Lived agreed deciding to let the ringtone go. "And why are you in jail?"

"Apparently three baby dragons where found in my room when the auror's raided our mansion, yeah. I, of course, had nothing to do with them and am totally being framed by some one who's house I burned down five years ago, yeah." Draco explained playing with the box of matches that the guards had failed to confiscate from him. "Their presence has nothing to do with my recent purchase of all the A Song of Ice and Fire books or my desire be like a certain badass Mother of Dragons, yeah."

"Where did you even get three baby dragons? The crack down on the dragon trade has made it difficult for me to even get my hands on dragon venom." Harry demanded. "Tell me who your supplier is!"

"Just because I'm a known pyromaniac and Game of Thrones fan doesn't mean that I had anything to do with the dragons, yeah. I've already called my lawyer and she said that theirs no way that they can convict me, yeah." the blonde pouted in mock offense. "The warrant for the search specified that it was a search for my father's suspected illegal items, not mine, yeah. I wonder how they'll justify entering and searching my room, yeah. I had three dozen sound proofing and protection spells on that place, yeah. They would have really wanted to get into a teenage boy's room, yeah. My lawyers going to have so much fun with that, yeah."

"As interesting as I find your defense strategy," the raven said staying focused on his primary objective of obtaining a new venom supplier. "I seriously do want to get in contact with your supplier. If they can get you three baby dragons then they should have no issue getting me venom."

"I have no idea what your talking about, yeah." the pyro hummed. "I might if you could come and get me out of jail, yeah."

Harry sighed. "I'll be there in an hour."

* * *

 **Extra**

* * *

"Are you going to do anything about the feud that your minion's gotten into that that first year, yeah?" Draco asked as the two walked to their potions class. The blonde was actaully mildly curious about the entire situation. The level of anamosity between the two boy was crazy. Last he'd heard the Nigel was in the hospital wing puking his guts out and everyone suspected that Colin had caused it. Nobody could prove anything of course, Harry had taught the brat well.

Harry looked at his friend with clear confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh this is rich, yeah." the blonde pyro laughed. Harry was completely oblivious to the war between his minion and fanboy. The shitty artist, the one who prided himself on know these kinds of things didn't know about any of it. "I can't believe it, yeah!"

"What do you find so amusing?" the Boy-Who-Lived demanded still completely confused by Draco's outburst.

"Nothing, yeah." Draco waved him off still grinning like a manic. "It's nothing at all, yeah."

* * *

 **Who Let The Dogs...I Mean Cats Out**

* * *

 **Special**

* * *

"Hurry up Akamaru," A larger then average kitten hissed at his slightly smaller litter mate. "We're going to miss our chance to get out of this hell hole."

Akamaru struggled to lift his small fluffy white body out of the painfully pink cat basket that their 'owner' had placed them in. "Can't, need Kiba help."

Kiba scampered back to the basket and his little brother/partner. Carefully hooking his claws into the top of the basket he pulled himself up and jumped back down into the nest. "Ok Akamaru here the plan, you try to jump up again and I'll push you."

The younger kitten nodded before leaping up, trying to get out of the cursed basket and get to freedom. His little claws scrabbling at the edge trying and failing to get a grip. Kiba used his head to push his sibling over the edge and out of the basket. The larger kitten climbed out and joined Akamaru on the floor. "Come on, we need to leave before _she_ comes back."

Both brothers shuddered at the thought of that horrible pink monstrosity catching them.

* * *

 **You know I originally planned for the to be an fun extra at the end of what was meant to be the 44 chapter (which was postponed due to lack of funny). That was the scene where Draco recreated wildfire like a mad scientist. I found it too amusing to leave alone and this chapter was born.**

 **This chapter's extra was suggested by a reviewer who want to see Harry's view on Nigel and Colin's little feud. The answer is he is unaware of it (though he knows who killed Nigel), mostly because I found it more amusing that way and that's how the idea was originally suggested to me. Realistically Harry would have known about it, but let's ignore that and enjoy his ignorants.**

 **Please review, it really helps motivate me to write~**

 **Also quick question what do you think Hidan!Ron's Patronus would be?**

 **What about Colin's Patronus? I'm stuck between some kind of dog (Loyalty) or a scorpion (admiration/worship of Harry). Which do you think would fit him best?**

 **Chapter suggestions are loved! Seriously I'm a little short on ideas and I want to see if I can get a number of chapters written ahead of time before the school year begins, I'm taking an AP class, three honors, and the rest are advanced class so I don't know how much time I'll have so lots of ideas would be ideal!**

 **Do you have any good ideas for Ginny or Luna chapters? Or dragon chapter?**

 **KYnR OUT~**


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